Blurred Lines and Broken Boundaries
by Vashsan13
Summary: Sharing a bed with your twin brother when you're 17 can lead to some rather complicated emotions. What would happen to the Hitachiin boys if their feelings towards one another started to change after the Host Club was gone? Set when the twins and Haruhi are about to graduate from Ouran High. (Rated M for LEMONS and language)
1. Confusing Nights

**A/N: I do not own Ouran High School Host Club or its characters. **Warning:** Lime **Ahead!

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Chapter 1: Confusing Nights

"Hikaru, hello… Earth to Hikaru…" A determined, and slightly annoyed, Kaoru waved his hand in front of his brother's preoccupied face. '_He's been distracted a lot lately, what's going on with him? Why won't he tell me?_' The barely elder twin had spent most of the evening staring out the large windows in his shared bedroom gazing at the gardens covering most of the grounds of the Hitachiin estate. It was not the first time the more easily sidetracked boy had wasted a whole evening daydreaming and it was starting to worry his mirror image. '_Sometimes I think it's worse when we're alone, like he's avoiding me for some reason. Does he know?_'

"Oh, sorry Kaoru, what did you say?" Smiling at his younger brother the older sibling turned to face the homework he had all but forgotten in his unfocused state. '_What are you doing baka? Stop spacing out you're making him worry about you. Do you want him to start asking questions? FOCUS!'_

Hikaru had been distracted more than usual for the last few months, but in the recent week he had begun to drift so far into his thoughts that even Kaoru's voice could not always reach him. The understandably concerned and mildly annoyed more sensitive twin was becoming genuinely concerned about his big brother.

'Are you sick?' –no

'Am I snoring again?' –no

'Is someone in class spreading rumors again?' –no

'Did mother threaten to disinherit us again for using her good dress form to pull that prank on Tono?' –no

Every time Kaoru tried to decipher the mystery of what had such a hold over his brother's preoccupied thoughts the results were the same. Hikaru would shake his head, shrug his shoulders and answer with a curt 'no'. In truth, it was really starting to get on the younger's nerves, but any irritation it might have caused was quickly outweighed by genuine concern for his beloved twin's wellbeing.

The very tolerant, but apprehensive teen tilted his head and stared at his mirror image. "What's wrong? You haven't heard a word I've said all day. You almost tripped down the stairs at school, you forgot the math homework you worked so hard on last night, and you even ignored Haruhi's invitation to cook you dinner… again. What IS it that has all of your attention lately?" Concern filled his eyes as he took his brother's hand and caressed it reassuringly. '_I can't say that I'm all that upset about him, ignoring Haruhi's invitations, but I know he has feelings for her, he always has, and now she seems to have them for him so why…_'

Kaoru's thoughts were cut short by a sudden and unexpected, but completely welcome, hug from his clearly upset brother. "Please, I know you're worried about me, and part of me really DOES want to tell you what's going on but it's… complicated… and I just need some time to deal with it on my own first. It's not that I don't want your help or that I don't think I can trust you with it…" '_Far, far from it. You could actually solve the whole problem quite easily, but that is a truly BAD idea._' "… it's just… as soon as I have it figured out I promise I'll tell you, okay?" The pair just held each other in silence as the younger shook his head. '_I don't want to hurt you Kaoru and I can't lose you. I'll fix it and everything will be right again. You'll see, just be patient a little longer brother.'_

"Ok, whatever you say. I'm going to go take a bath, here…" After pushing the homework he had completed only minutes ago across the shared table the more mature of the two stood and placed a hand on his troubled twin's shoulder. "… at least copy mine, so you don't get called out in class tomorrow, k?" Walking away without waiting for an answer Kaoru was relieved that he at least had a legitimate reason to bathe alone. '_It's_ _just such a bad idea to have him in there with me. The mere thought of him… no shirt, no pants, naked, dripping wet, his skin so… NO. If I could come up with a non-suspicious reason to sleep in my old room, I think that might would be a good idea too. But if I did would I be able to sleep? Would he? What am I talking about; of course we can sleep without each other… right?_'

Seeing the door close behind Kaoru's adorable backside singled that it was time to get down to business. '_Wait, when the hell did I start thinking of his ass as adorable?'_ Snapping himself out of his thoughts Hikaru once again shook his head and began to diligently scribble down his own version of the modern Japanese history homework being careful to reword the short answer responses. '_Can't have Sensei accusing us of cheating now can we._' Smiling at his own inside joke the busy teen overheard what he was sure was his brother's voice coming from the washroom. Both boys loved music and whenever one of them bathed alone, they would use their waterproof player to help them relax.

The soothing tones of some unknown Johann Sebastian Bach Aria wafted from the room along with... soft moaning? '_He's not… no… he's not in there doing THAT is he, with me right out here? Like I'm one to talk about self-pleasure in such close quarters, I'm glad he doesn't know about that._' The sounds of his twin's voice were soft and would have been undetectable to anyone else. Hikaru could easily discern that the younger boy was doing his best to not be heard but it was no good. The soft melody of the music could do nothing to mask the absolutely sinfully arousing noises he was emitting from the overly attuned ears of his other half.

The elder cautiously approached the closed door and rested his forehead on the cool wood. Closing his eyes, he listened wantonly to the delicious sounds of his brother's pleasure filled keening. '_Why am I doing this to myself? All I have to do is put on my headphones and pretend I never heard anything so why aren't I? Why am I just standing here picturing his… NO NO stop it! Don't think about his soft skin, or those mesmerizing lips, or how badly it turns you on when he….._' "GRRR" The completely frustrated doppelganger turned on his heel and went to his book-bag to retrieve his headphones. Putting them on and turning up the volume as loud as he could tolerate he tried his best to focus on homework. His hand now copied down the words without stopping to consider their meaning in an almost frantic attempt to block out any impure thoughts about his dear sibling. Concerns over accusations of plagiarism by their bitter and grumpy Sensei completely forgotten as ink met paper.

Within the washroom a very flushed redhead stroked himself gently but firmly as pictures of his brother flooded his mind. "Mmmm" In this rare alone time the younger of the Hitachiin boys had decided to give-in to his constant mental obsession with his twin and relieve his body of some of its tension. It was not the first time he had done it, but it was the first time knowing that the object of his fantasies has been just a few feet away in the other room. '_Oh, Hikaru! I wish this was your hand, or better yet your mouth. Why can't I get rid of these feelings? They just keep getting stronger, but I know they're wrong. I can never tell him, he can never know. But he can't REALY read my mind so a little fantasizing is safe, right?_' His climax began to build as his mind formed pictures of his naked brother engulfing him whole and demanding his release. With one final firm tug he muddied his bath water with a sinful white cloud. Biting his lip, he stifled a load lust-filled moan as his world turned white with pleasure.

After cleaning both himself and the tub the youngest boy wrapped a towel around his waist and opened the door to his shared bedroom. He couldn't help but smile at the sight that greeted him. '_I wasn't in there that long, was I? Well, at least I know he didn't hear anything._' Walking over to his sleeping brother Kaoru turned off the music player and removed the headphones from his twin's ears.

Hikaru stirred at the sudden change and looked up at his sibling instantly blushing as a result of the dream that had just been interrupted. Shaking his head and standing to stretch the older teen quickly worked to draw attention away from himself. "Man, this was boring; I don't know how history could possibly be your favorite subject." Turning away from the desk he made his way to the washroom. "I'm gonna take a quick shower then we can go to bed." His copy nodded with a small smile as he closed the door behind him. '_Damn, why does he look so sexy when his hair is all wet like that?_'

Never imagining the truth behind the situation he had walked into Kaoru organized the school papers and crawled into bed after drying his hair and donning a pair of baggy sleeping pants. Desperate to avoid his mind wandering into forbidden territory again, he reached for a book of Shakespearian plays and began reading. Twenty minutes later a clean and smiling Hikaru emerged from the washroom in a cloud of steam. The younger twin pretended not to notice as his nude sibling strutted across the room towards the wardrobe and dressed for bed. '_Damn it Kami-sama! Does he have any idea just how hot he is?_' Quickly returning his eyes to the pages of the book he attempted to sound casual as he spoke to his now clothed older half. "Ready for bed?"

"Yeah, but you look like you're busy so should I go sleep in the other room?" Without knowing it both boy's had the exact same thought. '_That would probably be better, but neither one of us would actually sleep_.'

'_I took care of myself earlier so I should be able to sleep next to him without a problem shouldn't I? I don't want to sleep in this big bed all alone without his warmth next to me. I'm not ready yet._' Forcing a grin to his lips Kaoru took a calming breath before he addressed Hikaru. "No, that's ok. I'm not really into this right now anyway." Closing the book and placing it on the nightstand, he moved over making room for his brother in their king sized bed. "Come on, I'm getting tired and I know you are too. You couldn't even stay awake long enough to copy the homework." Giggling at his taunt the younger boy dodged the pillow thrown at his head with practiced precision.

"That's just because it's such a dull subject." After turning off the light Hikaru lifted the blanket and crawled in next to his adorable twin. The two siblings faced each other and intertwined their fingers like they had done every night since they were children. "Good night Kaoru."

"Goodnight Hikaru." Each closed their eyes and slowly their breathing became even and steady as sleep claimed them both. What had become a torturous and secrete nightly ritual between the two began not long after.

It was about an hour later that Hikaru woke up sweating and plagued by another nightmare so similar to the rest. Breathing heavily, he looked over at his sleeping brother to reassure himself that it was just a dream. '_That makes the fourth time this week. Maybe I should talk to him about them. No, I don't want to worry him… or worse. I can't lose him. Maybe Haruhi then. Yeah, she's a good listener and I bet she might even have some advice too. I bet I could talk to her before clubs tomorrow_.' As the elder boy's thoughts drifted towards a hopeful solution to his own tormented thoughts the younger twin in the bed beside him began to show signs of his own tortuous dreams. However, Kaoru's dreams were less nightmare and more… wet.

"Hika… mmmm" The unconscious boy's voice was soft. It always was when he slept. The younger Hitachiin had no idea he talked in his sleep because his brother didn't dare tell him. It started about eighteen months ago when the twins started year three of senior high at Ouran. At first it was just sounds, rather evocative sounds, but simply sounds without words. After a few months the sounds became moans of obvious pleasure. Eventually recognizable words had slipped through the sleeping boy's lips. Most recently, in the last three months, was the addition of his older brother's name. At first Hikaru was confused by the noises coming from his twin and would often wake him just enough to force him to roll over and be quiet.

When the moaning started the older twin developed an unexpected and problematic response. One night his little brother was keening particularly loudly and when Hikaru went to rouse his twin and put an end to the odd musings he noticed that his body was reacting in a rather unexpected way. The first time it happened the confused boy just ignored the sensations and struggled back to sleep. After a week he made a conscious, but controversial decision to sit on the floor next to his large bed to 'dealt with the problem' as quietly as possible. He was extremely careful to not wake the unknowing source of the arousing sounds. It began happening often enough that the older boy started hiding a small towel and luxury hand lotion under his side of their shared bed.

The mental pictures that accompanied Hikaru's nightly ministrations became more detailed as Kaoru's unconscious utterances turned into words. Images of a forbidden familiar figure taking him in their hot mouth and stroking him with their skillful hands. He would never admit to himself the face in his fantasies until one night when everything changed. Nothing could have prepared him for what he heard that night three months ago. His name dripping from his twin's lips with all the lust he could never express in his conscious life. It was the single most provocative thing the unknowing boy could have possibly said. Without him knowing anything about his brother's self-relief to his soundtrack of arousing moans the younger was playing right into his elder sibling's deepest most secret desires. It had become more than just Kaoru's voice that ignited the lustful fire in Hikaru. It was Kaoru himself.

Whenever Hikaru would close his eyes and take hold of his hardened and needy member it was his brother's voice, his brother's face, his brother's touch that he pictured. He would never tell Kaoru, or anyone for that matter, that he had these thoughts and feelings, but when he heard his own name articulated by his brother's desirable mouth that night he nearly fainted. '_Wait, is he having these dreams about ME? All this time I figured it was Haruhi, but he's been having erotic dreams about me this whole time? Oh Kami-sama what does this mean? Is he in love with me? Am I in love with him? No, no, that's impossible. It's just because we spend so much time together. We just need to get a little distance and these feelings will go away. It's just hormones. It's not worth mentioning to Kaoru. I'll go sleep in his old room that way we can have some space and this will all blow over in a couple of days and he never needs to know. Right?_'

Since that night the plagued older ginger had tried several times to sleep away from his brother only to fail each time. Either he would be utterly unable to fall asleep or he would wake up with Kaoru having joined him during the night. He had even gone as far as convincing his little brother that he snored so he wouldn't raise suspicions by sleeping alone. After a week he had given up on any attempt to sleep without his unknowing seducer only to start having nightmares. They were always basically the same and always terrifying.

**Hikaru's Dream: The two boys were standing in the third music room where they used to have the Host Club. He would look to his brother, who was holding his hand and smile before saying "I love you." Just then one of the doors opened as Kaoru dropped his hand and started walking into the darkness outside the room. He turned and blew Hikaru a kiss just before dissolving into the black. Hikaru called to his brother and took off running, but there was only blackness. He never found his twin, and he always woke up in a cold sweat. **

Rolling over and putting his feet onto the uncaring wood floor Hikaru turned his head to watch his twin's lips as he continued his unknowing seduction. "Kiss me… Mo… more Hika…" The older boy's cheeks turned an even deeper pink as he reached under his side of the mattress and retrieved what he needed to take care of the situation his brother was creating.

'_Maybe it's better if I don't tell anyone. I should just try to be normal and get a girlfriend. But all the girls in our school are so flaky and annoying_.' After a few timid strokes an idea struck him that he had never considered before. '_Why was Kao always trying to get me together with Haruhi when we first met her? Maybe he saw something I didn't. Would Haruhi even go out with me? I need to try SOMETHING; I can't just keep fantasizing about my twin… my brother… my Kaoru… mmm Kaoru…_' His struggle to focus was lost as his mind swam with images of his other half in the shower, smiling seductively, the taste of his lips, the feel of his touch. "Mmmm… Kao…" He quickly slapped his unoccupied hand over his mouth to stop his voice from waking his sleeping sibling only three feet away. After a few more strokes his ministrations picked up in intensity and before long he was falling over the edge with pictures of his orange haired desire flooding his mind.

After cleaning himself with his secret towel the conflicted teen carefully crawled back into bed with a new found confidence stemming both from finding his release and deciding on how he would fix the delicate situation he found himself in. Feeling comfortable for the first time in months he reached out and encompassed his adorable little brother tightly in his arms as he buried his face in Kaoru's hair. '_He always smells so amazing. I know we use the same shampoo, but I never smell as good as he does. No… AHHH… stop thinking about him like that. He's just your twin, your other half. You don't want to kiss him. You don't want to touch him like that. You like Haruhi, you like Haruhi, you like Haruhi…_' As if reciting a mantra Hikaru gradually found sleep chanting his 'solution' over and over in his head.

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**A/N: Please R&R. Constructive criticism welcome and encouraged!**


	2. Hikaru's Plan

**Special thanks goes out to...**

**MonkHerrik - **for being the first person to 'follow' this little tale of mine

**Lady of the Light - **for being the first to review! Worry not fair maden, there is much more to come.

**A/N: I do not own Ouran High School Host Club or its characters.**

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Chapter 2: Hikaru's Plan

The morning sun began to peak through the heavy curtains and warm Kaoru's face gently waking him from his sinful dreams. Not wanting to let go of his forbidden fantasy just yet, he pulled the expensive sheets over his head and buried his face in the pillows. Sighing deeply he nestled into the warm body behind him. Seconds later his eyes shot open and he sprang up and out of Hikaru's arms. The rough motions and sudden loss of contact roused said twin from his slumber granting the room an irritated growl as a pillow was clutched over the older boy's head as if to protect him from the coming day.

'_Why was he holding me like that? He hasn't done that for years, not since we were children. I could have sworn I heard him moaning last night at some point. Was he having one of those types of dreams about someone? Does he love someone else? Wait, that's a good thing. He should like someone. He should have girlfriends and go on dates and fall in love. We both should. But the thought of him holding someone else like that makes me sick to my stomach; I don't even want to think about it_.' The now deeply blushing and slightly aroused Kaoru ripped himself from his thoughts and pushed his, dare he say… sexy, brother on the shoulder. "Come on Hikaru if you don't get up we'll be late… again. Then we'll have to listen to another lecture from Haruhi about how we need to be more responsible."

Something about hearing that name snapped the grumpy half-woken Hitachiin from his semi-conscious trance. "Shit, you're right Kaoru!" Leaping from the bed with unusual gusto the elder twin ran to the closet and began to dawn his school uniform followed far more slowly by his slightly confused brother. The two finished dressing and ate their modest, well modest for them, breakfasts and rode to school in an unheard of silence. '_I need to find Haruhi. If I can get her to go on a date with me then maybe all these thoughts I've been having about Kaoru will go away. And a real date this time; not like that when he tricked me into taking her out by faking being sick._' The elder brother was so lost in his own mind, as he often was of late, that he didn't notice the car stop or the door was open.

"HIKARU… HELLO!" Again, it was his twin's elevated voice and a waving hand that brought him back to reality. "Would you like to get out of the car now or shall I ask Sensei to give us a private lesson in here?" A look of slight irritation mixed with confusion marred the beautiful features of the younger boy's face as he stared at the blank expression on his brother.

"Gomen Kaoru. Guess I zoned out again, but I think I have a plan to solve my problem now. I'm gonna try it out during lunch today and I'll tell you how it went when we get home. Ok?" After receiving an understanding nod from his other half Hikaru exited the limo and waited for his brother to do the same. Often the two were seen walking hand in hand, even before the host club started up three years ago, but with both their hearts cloaked in confusion neither dared reach for the other. '_This is getting weird; this silence. It's so uncomfortable, but what could I possibly say to him? So I've been having these erotic fantasies about you ever since you started having wet dreams about me and moaning in your sleep. Sure, like it could ever be that easy. No. I stick to the plan. During lunch-hour I'll talk to Haruhi privately and ask her out. It's a good plan and it will make things easier on both of us. Once I'm with Haruhi then he can find a girl too; or maybe a guy? Either way it will make room for him to be happy won't it?_'

As the boys entered classroom '4-A' they both smiled at a certain brunette in a blue blazer with her nose buried in a book. '_It's been three and a half years and she hasn't changed much at all. Haruhi will always be Haruhi_.' The twin devils unknowingly shared identical thoughts as they moved to ensnare their unsuspecting friend in what she had long ago dubbed a 'twin sandwich'. "Good morning." Their voices chimed in unison as their arms made their way around the distracted smaller female. Soft laughter escaped all three as the cross-dressing third year rolled her eyes at the typical antics of her two best friends.

"Good morning Hikaru. Good morning Kaoru. Did you guys finish the assignment for Modern Japanese History? It took me all night and I was wondering if you two would like to get together over break and study for next week's test." Her voice was calm and almost drab, like always, but the twins new her well enough to understand the difference between a disinterested Haruhi and a worried Haruhi and this was definitely the latter. Again she rolled her eyes as her friends teased her by pretending to consider the request before squeezing her again and nodding their heads.

"What kind of friends would we be if we didn't help each other out?" Hikaru's voice was light and carefree. He knew it was probably a better idea for Kaoru to help considering his disinterest in history, but if he was going to try and date her than he needed to make an effort to be interested in things she liked. At least that's what Kaoru always told him. _ 'You have to at least try and take an interest in what other people like or you will never have new friends; certainly not a girlfriend._' Even though he was younger, by a whole eight minutes, Kaoru was always the more mature and wiser of the brothers.

The three sat and argued good-naturedly while making plans to get together at the Hitachiin estate over the upcoming break. Both brothers insisted on having a car pick up the independent female as she sternly insisted on walking on her own. After a few minutes the bell sounded for the beginning of the first hour and school was underway. Hikaru tried to be attentive, he really did, but the first half of the day was always just too tedious and dull. First hour was History, his absolute favorite, followed by Classics, and finally the pièce de résistance: English. All were important subjects for any family business heir such as himself, but today of all days his mind was on more immediate matters. When the bell sounded for lunch the room quickly emptied as students eagerly rushed to the dining halls. '_Now is my chance. Come on Hikaru. You can do this!_' Clearing his throat the elder Hitachiin rose from his chair and leaned in to whisper in Haruhi's ear, hoping that Kaoru wouldn't notice as he gathered his things. "Hey, could I talk to you… alone for a few minutes?" He smiled when she nodded almost shyly and asked her to meet him in the old unused music room where they use to have the Host Club. After agreeing she excused herself and left the room unnoticed by the preoccupied other ginger.

"Where did Haruhi go? Isn't she going to eat with us today?" Kaoru's showed concern for his friend which was relieving to his brother.

'_Good, he didn't hear me._' Shrugging his shoulders Hikaru prepared to do something he had only ever done once maybe twice before: lie to his brother. "I think she said something about not feeling well. Why don't you go get us lunch and I'll go check on her. I'll call you when I find her, ok?" Turning for the door rather quickly his heart dropped when he felt his twin's hand on his shoulder. '_Shit, he saw right through it. What the hell made me think I could get away with ling to HIM of all people?_' Turning, he took in the slightly annoyed face of his younger half.

"Hikaru what do you take me for; an idiot? You know they'll take my phone if they see me on it even at lunch. Text me? Baka." Playfully ruffling his older sibling's hair Kaoru made his way out the door and down the hall towards the ornate Ouran lunch rooms. '_I know he's lying, but Hikaru never lies to me so why? He said he found a solution to his problem and was going to try it during lunch… wait! That's it! He's been dreaming about Haruhi hasn't he? She's the one he's falling in love with! I bet they're meeting up so he can ask her out or something!_' The longer he thought about it the more upset his stomach became. '_But that's good, right? Right. Go Hika! Good luck brother._' Forcing a smile to his lips the younger Hitachiin made his way into the dining hall and purchased only one lunch for his brother having mysteriously lost his own appetite.

Hikaru made his way down the long corridor to disused music room number three. The Host Club closed at the end of last year when Tamaki and Kyoya graduated and it hadn't been used since. '_Not a surprise. No one used it for years before Host club so being empty after makes sense._' After pushing open the doors, he found Haruhi inside standing by one of the large windows looking out into the courtyard. She turned and smiled at his slightly apprehensive approach. '_She really is quite beautiful when she looks happy. She should smile more_.'

"So Hikaru, here I am. What did you want to talk to me about?" Turning away from the window and taking a seat on one of the covered couches she patted the fabric next to her inviting her friend to join her. '_I know their twins, but somehow… Hikaru is more hansom than Kaoru, especially when he has that evil glint in his eye. Not that I would EVER tell him that._' She noticed that he looked a bit nervous for some reason as he sat beside her on the plush couch; she had become much more observant of others and herself over the years.

"Haruhi... You know how you keep asking me to come over to your apartment for dinner?" The orange haired third year was too anxious to look at her and kept his eyes on his feet. He was unable to see her nodding in response, but he knew the answer anyway. "Well, I was wondering if the offer was still on the table. In other words…" Finally looking up, he cautiously took her hand and looked her in the eye after swallowing hard to clear his throat of the lump that had suddenly developed. "… Haruhi would you have dinner with me sometime? You know, like on a date?" Doing his best to smile and not faint he began to laugh softly as he saw her eyes brighten.

"Why Hitachiin Hikaru I was beginning to think you would never ask." Standing, she walked over to the club room door and opened it slowly before turning to face the frozen teen. "Yes. I will go on a date with you. Now come on. We don't want to miss lunch do we?" Blowing him a kiss and winking, she disappeared into the hallway leaving the stunned twin behind.

'_That was just like my nightmare, only it was Haruhi instead of Kaoru. What does that mean?_' Shaking the unsettling feeling from his mind Hikaru jumped up from his seat and ran out of the third music room and down the hall to catch up with his friend. The two shared a smile as they approached the second dining room and the distracted boy quickly remembered that he had agreed to text his brother as part of his cover. '_Shit, too late now! Hope he's not mad._' Spotting said boy Hikaru waved and received a confused smile in return.

"Gomen Kaoru, I got… um… sidetracked and forgot to text you. Forgive me?" Sitting next to his twin Hikaru pleaded for forgiveness with his eyes, knowing that his brother could never resist his 'puppy face'.

Rolling his eyes at his twin's lame excuse for an apology Kaoru laughed. "Ok, I forgive you… this time." He pushed the tray of food he purchased earlier in front of his sibling as Haruhi sat across from the pair opening her home-made bento box.

"Where's yours Kaoru? Aren't you going to eat too?" Haruhi was sure that her dating Hikaru would be something the boys would need to talk about privately so for now she wasn't going to bring it up to the younger.

"I already ate." Kaoru wasn't technically lying to his brother as it was Haruhi that asked the question, but that little fact didn't make him feel any better about his deception.

'_Lie_.' The glare Hikaru directed at his brother went unnoticed by either of his companions.

The three laughed and talked while Hikaru and Haruhi ate until the bell chimed to signal the end of lunch and the start of the last half of the day. Now it was Kaoru's turn to be bored and distracted: Business Calculus, Modern Art, and Physics. By the time the last bell of the day sounded and everyone was exiting the classroom headed for various clubs and the like Kaoru was practically asleep so when his brother pinched his cheek to gain his attention he was so startled that he nearly fell out of his chair. "Oww! Dammit Hikaru! How many times have I asked you not to do that?" Rubbing his now sore face the younger twin quickly gathered his things and made his way towards the door.

"Gomen little brother, but you were so out of it you didn't even hear me. Did you pack your physics book? Did you even hear tonight's assignment?" Hikaru smiled at his flustered brother as he stormed back to his desk to retrieve the accursed text. "Oh, come on don't be like that. It's not like it hurt."

"That's not the point! I've asked you before not to do that and you still do! Why can't you be NICER to me sometimes?" Kaoru's voice was harsh, much harsher than he had intended, as he practically stomped past his twin towards their waiting car. They had no club activities this year. Haruhi was part of the debate team, which they had no interest in, so after school they always went straight home. '_Why am I so mad at him all the sudden? Because he lied to me so he could meet with Haruhi or because he probably asked her out? What the hell is wrong with me lately?_' As the distracted boy sat in the limo waiting for his brother he tried to clear his mind and calm himself.

"Thanks Imiki, take the long way. We need to have a talk." Hikaru's voice was cold as he entered the car and raised the privacy screen. Once the car began moving the slightly less mature twin stared fiercely at his little brother as he practically barked in frustration. "What the hell Kaoru? All I did was snap you out of your little trance so we could go home and you go and bite my head off!" Crossing his arms the older twin looked away from his suddenly hurt looking other half afraid he might cry. He could never stand to see his precious Kaoru cry.

"I'm not the one who was lying so I could go run off and have a private chat with Haruhi." Kaoru's words stung as he looked out the window at the passing street signs.

'_He did know, damn. I was hoping I'd gotten away with it. I didn't want to hurt him._' Hikaru sighed, his anger almost instantly fading.

"If you wanted me to go away all you had to do was ask. I don't need to be where I'm not wanted and I don't deserve to be lied to either!" It was Kaoru's turn to be upset and this time he knew exactly why. '_This is good; if we're fighting, then maybe I won't have dreams about him tonight. This is good. This is a good thing. This needs to happen_.' The youngest sibling was torn from this self-convincing by a rather unexpected revelation from his doppelganger.

"So I'm not allowed to lie to you, but it's ok for you to lie to me?" Snapping his head around in shock, the look on Kaoru's face gave him away as Hikaru's words rang out in the otherwise silent car.

'_How did he know?!_' Unable to look his brother in the eye a shame filled Kaoru as he turned back to face the window without mounting a defense.

"What, nothing to say little brother? You don't want to explain why you lied about eating lunch? Fine, be like that." The elder Hitachiin was almost irate at his twin's behavior as he also turned in favor of a window view.

After a few tense minutes Kaoru's voice filled the uncomfortable space between the angry siblings. "So did she say yes?" Without looking he could feel his brother's eyes were now on him. "Haruhi, you asked her out during lunch didn't you? Is that the solution to the problem you were talking about this morning? What did she say?" After a calming breath, he gathered his courage and turned to face his other half.

Hikaru's expression was one of shock not unlike Kaoru's from minuets ago. "She said yes. I didn't want to tell you until I asked her, that's why I lied. I'm sorry Kaoru. I shouldn't have lied to you. I promise I will never lie to you again, under one condition." A raised eyebrow was his only reply. "Tell me why YOU lied about eating." Reaching out the genuinely concerned boy took his brother's hand in his own and waited. '_You better not be developing an eating disorder or I swear I'll take this limo straight to a rehab clinic!_'

"I wasn't feeling well and I didn't want to worry you." Kaoru wasn't lying and one look in his eyes made at least that much clear instantly relieving his very tense twin only to be replaced with a different concern.

"Should we call for the doctor?"

"Iie Hikaru, I was just queasy. I'm fine now, but I might sleep in my own room tonight just in case I'm coming down with something. I don't want you to get sick, especially before your first… well, maybe it's a second date with Haruhi." The younger boy's smile was genuine; he truly did want his brother's date to go well. '_I just hope I CAN sleep without you by my side_.'

It wasn't long before the limo pulled up in front of the impressive Hitachiin mansion. The now peaceful brothers thanked their driver and reassured him that everything was fine. Imiki was an older man and had been the twin's driver since they were very young and they knew he would worry about them. Entering their grand home, they moved past their personal maids after asking them to be sure Kaoru's room was prepared for the night. This resulted in more than a few confused looks, but the task was completed none the less. After finishing their homework the boys shared a short shower during which neither of them looked at the other. After a brief hug and two almost solemn good-nights they each made their ways to separate beds in separate rooms to stare at the ceiling and pray for sleep that would never come.

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**A/N: Please R&R. Constructive criticism welcome and encouraged!**


	3. Sleeping Alone

**Linkfur - **Soon, I promise... Next chapter I think... And more towards the end of the story. (And I'm glad you liked my other Hitachiinsest story!)

**LettersFromALonelyOtakuGirl - **Thanks!

**AnimeFollower - **First, thank so much for your review and I'm glad you like it so far. This will be my first real attempt at 'angst' so please let me know how I'm doing! Second, I completely agree with you about Haruhi's role in many fics. Don't worry, I have a plan I promise!

**A/N: I do not own Ouran High School Host Club or its characters.**

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Chapter 3: Sleeping Alone 

The next two days passed very slowly for the Hitachiin twins and even more sluggishly for anyone who had the displeasure of necessary interaction with the sleep-deprived and thought-tortured brothers. Other than their mother, who was in Milan for 'Fashion Week' and therefore not around to experience her two sons bad moods, Haruhi seemed the only person immune to their barrage of glares and insults. As his brother's date with said cross-dresser approached Kaoru had an increasingly decreased appetite due to the knots that refused to leave his digestive system be. He was utterly unable to get any kind of meaningful sleep without his brother's reassuring presence at night as he continued to claim illness in favor of not telling his sibling the truth behind his tummy troubles.

Hikaru had never been what you might describe as a morning person, but the last two nights he had been tormented by nightmares about his precious little brother when he was able to gain any sleep at all. By the morning of the second day, no employee of the Hitachiin estate dare cross his path. Kyoya would have been proud, or possibly jealous.

As the last day before break came to a close and the ending bell sounded a rather brave and oblivious brunette girl in a male uniform approached the older twin with a full smile. Under normal circumstances the two sat side by side with the younger sibling flanking the other side of the girl. However, on this particular day the overly irritable boy had made a particularly biting comment towards their last instructor and in response he was allocated to the hallway. "Hikaru, would you like to see a film before dinner tomorrow?"

Looking up at her lovely face did nothing to relieve his angst-ridden mind. '_If I don't get some decent sleep tonight, then I'll screw up my only chance to get out of this situation without ruining my relationship with Kaoru._' Gathering his things and buying time to take a few deep breaths he stood and flashed his best Host smile for his companion. "Sounds great; I know just the right theater. But I have one condition." Smirking at her raised eyebrow he continued. "You must allow me to pick you up in the car from your place. No one on a date with Hitachiin Hikaru goes with anything less than style." He casually wrapped his arm over her shoulders as he guided her towards the third floor stairway.

"Damn rich bastard." Her voice was low and mumbled intended as a now well know almost joke for his ears only. Her look of mild annoyance quickly faded to be replaced with a warm smile. "Deal. What time?"

"How about two? That should give us plenty of time to catch a good flick before heading back for dinner. Sound good?" Moving his arm from around the smaller girl to nervously brush his fingers through his hair he couldn't help a slight breathy laugh.

"Sure. See you tomorrow then." With one last look the brunette disappeared up the stairwell as she hurried off to her club meeting. Hikaru smiled; pleased with his accomplishment and turned to retrieve his brother before heading out to the waiting car. Upon entering the classroom, he was met with a sight that nearly broke his heart.

There at his normal desk sat his younger half silently crying into his crossed arms. Instinctively he ran over to his brother dropping his bag along the way. Hugging his distraught sibling the older twin spoke sweetly for the first time in two days. "Kaoru what's wrong? What happened? Are you hurt? Is it your stomach again? Should I call the doctor?" A feeling similar to panic gripped hold of Hikaru's heart. '_This doesn't have anything to do with him overhearing me and Haruhi does it? He said he was happy for us even though I know he has those dreams, not that he'd ever admit to it. He has to know that it's a good thing for us to get girlfriends. Maybe that's it! He's upset that I have a date and he doesn't!_'

"I'm fine, don't worry about it. I was just thinking about something that made me sad, but you'll think I'm being dumb." Wiping his face and calming himself Kaoru forced a smile for his brother and began to collect his books. The older twin straightened himself and crossed his arms while giving his troubled twin a look that simply read 'bullshit'. Upon recognizing the look of disbelief on Hikaru's otherwise flawless face Kaoru gave in. "Fine, but wait until we're in the car and you're not allowed to laugh at me." After receiving a compliant nod both boys picked up their bags and walked hand in hand out to their car. It was a simple gesture meant for comfort, but somehow the innocent interlocking of their pale fingers made both their hearts feel heavy.

Once seated inside their limo with the privacy screen securely raised Hikaru hugged his delicate twin and waited for his explanation. "Ok, but remember you said you wouldn't laugh at me." Again his response was a wordless nod. "I heard you and Haruhi making plans for tomorrow and I got to wondering what it will mean for us. We've never really dated before and I guess I got scared that if you have someone like that in your life, then you won't need me anymore and I'll be left all alone." Lifting his gaze from the limo's floor to his brother's face his mind panicked as he watched his big brother's eyes grow wide. Thinking quickly, he added a bit more to his story with the hope of covering his true feelings with something that wasn't entirely a lie. "I'm just overreacting because I didn't sleep these last two nights. I'm probably just exhausted. I don't want you to get sick Hika but could we share are bed tonight? You know, like always? I think I just really need to get some rest, but if you'd rather not then I understand."

He had returned his gaze to the ground and his eyes began to water as he felt his brother's lithe hand lifting his chin forcing him face those eyes so like his own. "I haven't been able to sleep either, so on that topic; I insist. But as far as me not needing you because of a girlfriend; that's dumb. I could never not need you Kaoru. You are my precious baby brother. My twin. My other half. I couldn't live without you in my life. But…" Pulling his sibling into a tight embrace Hikaru spoke as calmly as he could with the hope his own uncertainty would go unnoticed. "… If you're concerned about feeling alone, why not get someone special for yourself? That new girl appears to like you and she doesn't seem to be as tedious as the rest of the girls in our class. " He could feel Kaoru's shoulders shrug in response.

The Hitachiin brothers sat in their comfortable embrace quietly reassuring each other until the car came to a stop and the door opened. The pair thanked their driver and after telling the chef to have their dinner delivered to their room they went inside, shut the door and sat on their overly grand bed side by side. After a few moments the less patient of the two stood and faced his ginger copy. "Come on Kaoru why don't we go take a shower and change into our street clothes. Then I can kick your butt in the video game of your choice while we wait for dinner. We can do our homework tomorrow." Hikaru bowed to take his blushing brother's hand in his and led them both into their spacious marble washroom. '_I know this might not be a great idea, but he looks like he needs it. He always feels better after I wash his hair and who could blame him. It IS rather relaxing. I just hope acting like nothing's going on isn't harder on him than staying away. What am I thinking; nothing could be harder than staying away from each other. It's barely been two days and we're both about to crack_.'

The elder twin's internal monolog continued to self-rationalize his actions as he stripped down and entered the double shower to make sure the water was just right for his baby brother. '_Besides, it's just a shower. We've done this a thousand times so it's no big deal right? It's not like I'm going to stand here and fantasize about how good it feels when his hands are on me or how much I want to touch every part of him… with my lips. He won't be staring at my naked body like he is now and reliving his dirty dre... hey; he's just standing there staring_!' With an evil smirk the nude boy decided to taunt his sibling in a faint hope of reclaiming some normality between the two. "Did you just come for the show or were you planning on joining me in here?"

The rouge in Kaoru's cheeks intensified as his eyes grew wide with surprise. '_Shit! I didn't even notice I was staring at him!_' Quickly walking over to the far side of the room the daydreaming boy began to undress under the watchful eye of his suddenly mesmerized brother. Hikaru tilted his head back, allowing the now warm waters to flow through his orange hair and granting him the perfect angle to watch the younger's unintentional striptease without being found out. '_Ok Kaoru you can do this. It's just a shower. It will relax you as long as you don't do anything stupid like look down. Don't think about how much you want him to kiss you, don't think about all those wonderful things he does with his tongue in your dreams…_'

Kaoru disrobed slowly; all the better for his spying brother, as he fought both the blush he could feel in his cheeks and his now growing erection. '_Dead puppies, Sensei Kito in a thong, Tono's corner of woe, Kyoya after being woken up, Hani without cake_.' As his thoughts killed his embarrassing condition he removed his final piece of clothing and casually walked back towards the shower.

Hikaru was so aroused watching his double get undressed, he failed to notices is own suspicious condition. When the shower door opened, his prominent member stood at full attention. Kaoru was a bit confused, but decided to return his twin's earlier sarcasm and pretend that everything was normal. "Looks like you're the one who was enjoying the show brother." The same evil grin that had graced the elders face minuets ago now crept across the lips of the younger as he took up his position under the cascade of water adjacent to his now red faced twin.

"The water feels nice is all don't flatter yourself Kao."

'_Lie. Maybe it's time someone got a punishment_. _It's been a while and I kind of miss our game_.' Closing the distance between their bare wet frames Kaoru snaked one arm around his brother to rest on his shoulder while the other drew lazy shaped on his chest. His stomach pressed up against his twin's side and his lips mere centimeters from Hikaru's ear. He spoke softly, almost seductively, and did his best to get a good reaction out of the other. "Does that mean you don't find me attractive brother? Am I not…" He leaned in and brought his lips within a breath of a very red ear while his wandering hand found its way to caress the very smooth skin just below a pale hip identical to his own but somehow so much more pleasing. "… desirable?"

Without intending to and without knowing it Kaoru had gone too far in his effort to regain the normality he lost almost a year ago. In a flash his twin had him pressed up against the cold tile of the shower wall and his wrists pinned under a pair of hot hands. Their bodies pressed up against each from knee to chest and Kaoru could feel Hikaru's erection on his thigh. He almost didn't notice that his own reawakened member was doing the same to his brother's leg as the older boy brought his lips so close to the younger's that the slighted movement would bring them together. The two stood frozen each watching the other's breath escape plump tempting lips while sharing identical thoughts. '_This is a line we shouldn't cross, a boundary that once broken can never be made the same again. But it's him. If there is anyone in this whole world worth that risk, it's him_.'

Through the power of twin telepathy two pairs of golden eyes slowly slid shut as two pairs of identical lips brushed against each other. It was just a passing glance as if it was an experiment to test the other. As soon as he felt the slightest pressure from the lips he desperately desired to taste Hikaru stepped back leaning against the opposite wall. "You lose Kao." After a few silent minutes and awkward stares at the floor it was once again the eldest Hitachiin who made the first move grabbing a bottle of overpriced resort quality shampoo. '_That was close. I almost kissed him_. _Dimmit Kaoru why did you have to push it so far?_'

He poured a generous amount of the silky liquid into his hand before returning the bottle to its place amongst the others on the shelf. Without a word he took the few steps towards his brother and with his empty hand spun the younger around before plopping the lightly scented substance on his head and proceeding to massage it into Kaoru's hair. Once he was certain the job was done and noticed his little brother begin to relax Hikaru rinsed away the soap before selecting a new bottle. This time it was their favorite lavender scented body wash. He lathered up a cleaning cloth and began to massage his brother's luscious pale skin until he reached Kaoru's forbidden fruit. Handing the cloth over without looking the other in the eye he began to tend to his own cleanliness while his twin finished up.

Once the task was done Kaoru exited the shower and retrieved two plush oversized towels. Taking one for himself and resting the other on the shower door for Hikaru, he dried his body and hair before leaving the washroom and retrieving attire appropriate for couch surfing. Once dressed, he began rummaging through the twin's collection of video games for a suitable selection. By the time he made his choice his brother was dressed and waiting on their very comfortable couch. The orange fought blue in an epic space laser battle until there was a knock at the door. Leaving his remote and allowing Kaoru to get a last critical shot Hikaru admitted their personal maids and indicated where he wanted their dinners placed.

The boys ate in silence, still refusing to make eye contact. Though nothing actually happened between them in the shower they both felt the line blur if only for a moment. Neither would admit how close they had come to stepping over that boundary and neither wished to focus on how much they had wanted to. After they finished their meal the younger stood and collected the plates. Without a word Kaoru took the soiled dishes to the kitchen before going out into the gardens to watch the sunset and think.

The older of the Hitachiin heirs sat on the shared bed as his frustrated mind began to swim in thought. '_What in the hell was I thinking? What in the hell was HE thinking? I know we've always been like that, especially back in our Host Club days, but ever since he started having THOSE dreams he stopped playing the game. I guess now that I know his dreams are about me, it's logical that he wouldn't be comfortable with our jokes. He's probably just as confused as I am about this whole thing. If he feels anywhere near as strongly as I do about this then he's been fighting this… attraction… for a long time. O Kami-Sama, what did I almost do?! Can we go back to acting like were nothing more than brothers after something like this?_' Hikaru's thoughts wandered as he lay face down on the soft bed coverings waiting for his precious twin to return.

While the older boy concerned himself with hopes that Kaoru would soon return said sibling sat under the large Sakura tree on the far side of the expansive gardens watching as the sun slowly disappeared beyond the mountains. '_It's been so hard to ignore these thoughts. Every night the dreams become more intense and every day I can feel my resolve weaken. I know it's just a game and I know he will never feel that way for me, but I can hope can't I? I've missed those almost too close moments we use to share in our act, but now… with these feelings… it's too dangerous. What if I go too far and push him away? I need to separate from him and give him space to be with Haruhi. They have that date tomorrow… wait, why did he suddenly accept her dinner invitation? She's been flirting with him for months now, but he never noticed or so I thought. Maybe that's exactly what I need. If he is taken and happy then maybe I can move on without tainting him_.'

As the last rays of sunlight disappeared Kaoru made his way back into the house. His feet felt as if they were made of lead as he mounted the stairs and traversed the hallway leading to his shared bedroom. After a short hesitation the knob was turned and the younger twin entered the dark room and closed the door. "Can we talk about something brother?" Sitting gently on the edge of the bed Kaoru reached out and tentatively touched the clenched fist of his other half.

"Of course Kao. You can talk to me about anything, you know that. What's troubling that brilliant little mind of yours?" Doing his best to smile and keep a light mood for his twin. '_Something is definitely bothering him. He's got the sexy, brooding look. Damn. STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM LIKE THAT! You have a date with Haruhi tomorrow, so quit fantasizing about your completely desirable little brother. You like Haruhi, you like Haruhi, you like Haruhi…_'

"I've been thinking and I know we've had a hard time these last few nights, but in light of your getting girlfriend, I've made an important decision." Taking a deep breath the younger teen gathered his courage. He was apprehensive about how his twin would react to his request for space. Had he made this choice months ago he was sure there would have been quite the fight, but now he wasn't sure if his brother would even protest. Part of him wanted Hikaru to throw a childish fit and forbid him to move out while the other part of him, prayed that his less mature copy would accept it and be happy. "I think I'm going to move into my old room tomorrow. I just feel it's time that we give each other some space. What do you think Hika?"

'_Space. His plan and mine are almost the same even though he doesn't know it. He can never know it. But if we have separate rooms how will we ever get any sleep? Maybe I can call Kyoya tomorrow. I bet he can get me some sleeping pills or something, he's good for that sort of thing_.' Turning and hugging his clearly shaken sibling the elder boy caressed Kaoru's cheek before looking him in the eye and speaking softly. "If that is what you want, then that is what we will do. Anything for you Kaoru." Kissing his now smiling brother on the forehead Hikaru did his best to smile warmly. "Let's enjoy our last night together ok?" A weak nod from the sad looking younger ginger was his only response. The two identical teens crawled into bed and under their comfortable covers. Holding each other tightly as if they might disappear at any moment they slowly fell asleep to sounds of perfectly matched heart beats. Each was content in the other's arms and slept deeply and soundly for the first time in days… for a while at least.

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**A/N: Please R&R. Constructive criticism welcome and encouraged!**


	4. One Last Night

**XxHikaruxKaoruxX - **Don't fret, there is much more to come in this tale. Promise!

**AnimeFollower - **Sorry for the suspense but sometimes its just too irresistible! As for the two always coming to the conclusion of space... It is the only thing they have never tried so at least to me it makes sense, but I'll let you be the judge of that.

**A/N: I do not own Ouran High School Host Club or its characters. **Warning:** Lemon **Ahead!

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Chapter 4: One Last Night 

He had no knowledge of the hour and no desire to discover it. The season and the house after dark were both very cold this time of year, but on this night the oversized shared bedroom of the Hitachiin brothers was rather… hot. Both boys lay on their sides facing each other slowly growing closer and closer. He didn't know which one of them initiated it and maybe it was both, but in his heart he couldn't have been happier. Their lips expertly caressed each other as if they had done this dance a thousand times. Eager hands encircled his waist, drawing him nearer as his own hands wrapped around the other boy's shoulders afraid it all might end at any moment. Lips parted and tongues battled with neither willing to surrender until two sets of lungs screamed for air. As the two reluctantly parted and he gasped greedily for breath plump, delicious lips traced across the line of his jaw trailing up towards his ear.

Teeth grazed as gently as a feather over the lobe of the delicate appendage while a sinful tongue outlined the shell of his surprisingly sensitive ear causing a sound to escape his open mouth. He didn't know if it was a moan, a word, a growl, or something else entirely. He could not recall having ever made or even heard a sound like that before; he didn't even know for sure he was the one it had come from. As the other teen began to nibble and ever so slightly suck the tender skin of his neck, he found his hands moved of their own accord tracing over firm slight muscle covering strong arms and shoulders. Hands not his own began tracing his spine and possessively gripping his ass. More sounds began to fill the heated air as those skillful lips found their way from his neck down and across the barely detectable lines of his abdomen before a hot tongue began trailing up towards two aroused nipples. One hand left his back to pinch a pink bud just enough to bring on a wave of pleasure while the other maintained its firm grip on his backside.

He could feel his fingers searching for soft tufts of ginger hair so much like his own as his eyes rolled back so far he was certain they would fall from his skull. Never in his life had he felt as alive as he did now. There was no need to pause and analyze what was obviously meant to be. How could he have ever doubted that this would ever be anything other than right? The sensation of his leg wrapping around the other's hip was almost too much for him as his second leg was sandwiched between two so much like his own. The entwined limbs forced alert members to press against longing thighs, letting each know just how much the other both wanted and needed them.

He felt a chill of cold move throughout his otherwise heated body as attention was diverted away from his nipples only to be quickly replaced with spreading warmth stemming from somewhere much lower. Lips interlocked once more with a hunger to take their venture to the next level as the hand that had so delightfully manipulated his pert pink buttons only moments ago found the hem of his night pants. At a pace that could only be described as tauntingly slow, nimble fingers traced the skin just under the suddenly too tight drawstring. The hand that had been firmly gripping his perfect round ass for the majority of their session moved to untie the offending cord resulting in a relieving slackness of the stifling fabric.

That same hand made its way to caress his cheek as the other moved agonizingly close to where he needed to feel it most while it teased and rubbed the front of his thigh. He could feel his own lissome digits tighten their grip on the other boy's silken hair, pulling his head back just enough to grant access to his graceful tempting neck. He busied himself tasting as much of that tantalizing skin as possible while the other ten rid him of his offensive cloths. Under different circumstances, he would have shivered as the frost kissed air of winter caressed his bare form. But now, at this moment, the only thing he could feel was the other's skin on his. Smooth lavender scented flawless skin like his own and yet so different at the same time.

His senses were on fire as capable fingers brushed the head of his painfully erect organ before tracing it carefully from top to bottom and back up again. He couldn't help himself as he bit down on a particularly sensitive spot just below the other boy's ear as he felt himself being gripped with just the right pressure. That sinful hand began languidly stroking as the second worked to remove the only barrier left between them; a second pair of cotton pants. After what seemed like both a lifetime and a split second the feeling of that seductive hand on his arousal was gone and his willful eyes refused to open under his weak command. A sense of euphoria set in as the feel of tantalizing lips began to trail down his body once more with one significant difference; this time they had no barrier to block their downward progression.

He lost all will to force open his rebellious golden orbs as he felt warm breath on his aching erection. He was sure nothing could possibly bring him more pleasure until that delicious sensation was replaced with something wetter. New sounds, even more erotic than the last, began to drip from his lustful unoccupied mouth. Without thinking he began licking his kiss heated lips in anticipation as his hands lost their place in the other's ginger hair that was now out of his reach. They quickly busied themselves gripping the bed sheets as though his body might float away at any moment without warning.

No words could have described the ecstasy he felt the moment those lips identical to his, and yet not his wrapped around the head of his manhood. The other boy assumed an unhurried pace as he engulfed the full length and began moving up and down with an ease that hinted at previous experience. He was momentarily capable of thought and the desire to reciprocate the pure bliss being bestowed upon him with the other's gorgeous mouth washed over him, but his mind soon turned to mush once more as pressure began to build in the very pit of his stomach. A few tortuously slow and mind blowing minutes later he felt as though he was about to explode in that sexy cavern.

Just as he felt his release reach the breaking point Kaoru sat straight up in bed, panting so heavily that his twin was convinced he might pass out. Placing a hand on the younger's shoulder; Hikaru did his best to make sure his brother was aware of his situation before rising from the mattress. Without speaking the older Hitachiin retrieved a damp hand cloth and handed it to his now blushing sibling.

Looking away from the boy who moments ago was bringing him pleasure beyond description in one of his best dreams to date, Kaoru cleaned himself and left the comfort of the warm sheets to dispose of the soiled cloth and retrieve new pants. "Sorry." Standing near the washroom door, his voice was weak as the embarrassment of the situation overpowered his senses. "I can go to my room if you'd like." His words betrayed his desire to stay with his brother, but all he could think about just then was the guilt wracking through him. '_All I want to do right now is rip his clothes off and trace every inch of him with my lips.; to feel his hands all over me_.' Tearing his gaze away from a version of his brother he knew could never be his, the younger moved towards the hallway door.

"No, Kaoru you don't have to do that. It's fine. Not like it's never happened before, it's just that you started moving around a lot and I was afraid you would fall out of the bed. I'm sorry I woke you up. From the looks of it you were just starting to have some real fun." Faking a giggle to put his little brother at ease Hikaru patted the spot next to him. '_That was the most… Kami-Sama save me from myself! All I want to do is taste him. I want to hear him make those sounds again, knowing that I'm the one causing it and not some imaginary version of me living in the back of his mind. How can I possibly go through with tomorrow feeling this way? No, NO, that's exactly WHY I need to go_.'

"Have you ever had one of THOSE dreams?" The younger orange haired teen stared at the floor as he sat next to his slightly flushed brother.

"Of course I have who hasn't?" Flashing his best attempt at a smile the more abrasive teen allowed his mind wander for a moment wondering what exactly filled his delectable little brother's passionate dreams. '_What do I do to him? Does he imagine us going all the way? Kissing? Something in between?'_ A soft pink began to creep across his face as his thoughts began to race through some of his own more erotic dreams regarding his twin. He quickly moved to regain his place under the covers as he felt said boy's eyes examining his now quite flushed face.

As the two quietly settled back into bed they each decided to break their unspoken tradition of facing each other with intertwined fingers in favor of lying back to back. A few troublesome hours later, Hikaru gave up trying to sleep and swung his legs over the side of the bed. Turning to check on his other half panic took hold of his heart when he saw not his beloved twin but an empty space. "Kaoru?" First, he checked the washroom then the closet before going into the hallway. After a thorough check of Kaoru's bedroom suite he began running through the huge house frantically calling out and opening every door. Had their parents been home, he surely would have woken them. The only thing saving him from a hundred bombarding questions from house maids was the fact that the employee's quarters were in a separate building at the back of the property. '_Kao, where are you? Where did you go?'_

The older Hitachiin twin searched every room in the mansion: bedrooms, washrooms, closets, pantries, walk in refrigerator, pool house, garage, and even the gazebo. Nowhere did he find so much of a sign of his missing brother. After what felt like hours of fruitless searching he collapsed in a pile at the base of the grand staircase. Looking around at the seemingly endless corridors and on the verge of hyperventilating he noticed a hallway behind the stairs that he had somehow never taken note of before. '_It's the only place I haven't checked. He MUST to be there!_' He was on his feet and running down the unfamiliar passage as quickly as he was able. There was only one door located at the end of the surprisingly long hall.

No sooner had his hand reached the crystal knob did he hear his dear baby brother's golden voice. "KAORU! I'm here, I'm coming!" Turning the handle, the door opened with ease. Beyond the entrance the unknown room was as black as Kyoya's eyes. "Kaoru where are you? I can't see anything. Where's the light?" Again he heard that voice he knew so well, but the sound was distant as if he were miles away. Not being one to fear anything beyond not finding his other half Hikaru darted into the pitch dark blindly; desperate for the warmth of his twin. "Kaoru? KAORU?"

Something touched his shoulder and instinctively he turned to face the source of the contact. This time it was the elder boy's turn to sit shocked in his bed as his brother woke him from his dream. "Hika? Are you ok? You were screaming out was it a nightmare?" Turning to face his favorite sound the clammy older boy embraced his mirror image with every ounce of strength he had. "It's ok Hika, I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. You want to tell me about it?" Feeling Hikaru shake his head hurt the younger more than he would admit. '_Why wouldn't he want to tell me? It couldn't possibly be like one of mine, not the way he was thrashing around. And it's almost like he was screaming_.' Pulling away and lifting his chin just like his brother used to do to him back in their Host days; Kaoru looked deeply into the eyes of his clearly frightened sibling. "This has happened before, hasn't it?"

"Would you believe me if I said no?"

"No."

"Fine. It's not the first time and yes, it was a nightmare. I've had them a few times now and they're always the same." Unable to look into those golden pools so like his own the older twin closed his eyes before he divulged the content of his terrorizing dreams. "I lose you. It's so dark and... I can't find you." Tears began to fall down his cheeks as he tried to hide behind his hands.

"Hika…" Pulling his brother back into his arms Kaoru whispered calming words in his distraught sibling's ear. Desperate to reassure him that everything was going to be fine now the concerned boy kissed his brother's temple. Lying back under the warm blankets the older rested his head on the younger's chest in a rare show of venerability. A kiss found its way to the top of his head and when he looked up into his twin's eyes he couldn't help but smile. Knowing that his dear brother was close and safe was all he would ever need. Soon both their chests rose and fell in unison as each fell into a deep and restful sleep for the first time in days; content in each other's arms.

In the rising light of the following day neither boy stirred until nearly noon. When their personal maids nocked for the third time they received a typically unpleasant curse from an unknown ginger. Upon hearing that their masters were finally awake, they reminded Hikaru that he had scheduled the car to be ready in a little over an hour. This did the trick of successfully gaining both of the boy's attention. "Bring our brunch; we will be eating in our room."

Both moved from the relative comfort of the warm bed and into the washroom to take part in their morning ablutions and begin preparing for their day. After faces were washed and teeth were brushed they moved onto the selection of appropriate clothing. Being the heirs to the massively successful Hitachiin Fashion Empire they each took great pride in always looking their best when in public. In truth, even their 'at home' garments which they referred to as their 'commoners cloths' were of rather high quality and had been used outside of the manor only when attempting blend into Haruhi's world at the boss's request. They each tried and failed to watch as the other selected the various pieces of their outfits. Kaoru selected a simple outfit suitable for staying in; layered orange and white tank tops and a pair of low-rise hip hugging jeans that perfectly framed his apple shaped ass. Hikaru chose an ensemble befitting of a first date with someone neither impressed nor frightened by his wealth; fitted black slacks, a designer tee-shirt, and a perfectly tailored deep blue blazer. Each pair of golden eyes soaked in the sight of the other's bare flesh as they undressed and dawned the new apparel.

Afterwards few words were spoken between the two as they stared at unopened physics texts each debating doing homework now or later. Deciding that tomorrow would be a better day for completing vector equations Hikaru broke the tension that had been building between the two since they shared a shower the night before. "I need to get ready for my date." The older twin left his brother and went to perfect his hair. When he returned, he found Kaoru on the phone. Sitting patiently on the edge of the bed he waited for his little brother to complete his call before asking who was on the other end of the line. '_I wonder who he's talking to. He's so cute when he curls his finger around his hair like that. He must like whoever he's talking to, maybe it's that new girl. What's her name… Hinata, no… Kagura, no…_' Caught up in his thoughts Hikaru almost missed his brother's exit from the room. "Hey, where are you going?"

"That was the boss; I'm going to go hang out with him this afternoon. I might see Kyoya too, if he doesn't have class, but before I go I wanted to tell the maids to move my things into my room. I'm going to ask Kyoya for some sleeping pills if I see him, I might need them for a while. Do you want me to ask for you too?" The younger sibling smiled a weak, seemingly forced smile throughout his speech that did not go unnoticed by the other boy. '_I know I won't be able to sleep without you and I've heard some sleep aids can make it so you don't dream. That sounds like exactly what I need. No more indulging these ridiculous thoughts. It's time to grow up_.'

"Wow, twin telepathy strikes again. I was thinking the same thing last night, but I didn't want to say anything because I know you want your own space. I don't want to be selfish, but I know sleeping alone will be hard for a while." Hikaru did his best to sound happy for his other half, but as usual his eyes gave him away. "Here…" Walking over to their large walk-in closet the elder of the identical siblings picked a new outfit for his brother. "… If you're going to be going out with Tono then you need to be dressed to impress. No Hitachiin should be seen in public looking like a commoner."

Kaoru crossed his arms in a mock pout out of habit. "I think I look rather cute in these." Pulling gently at his comfortable layered tank tops and torn jeans he thought he spotted something in the other's eye. '_Is that lust? No. There's no way he would ever think like that about me. Quit fantasizing dammit, you're sick._' Shrugging his shoulders to appease his twin the younger ginger changed quickly.

Both brothers nodded to one another in approval and left along their separate paths each with a mix of hope and trepidation in their heart. The younger found their personal maids and gave them their detailed instructions for relocating his belongings. Two cars pulled out front of the magnificent if not overdone front doors as two drivers, Imiki and Otantsu, awaited the twins. Imiki being their personal driver was assigned to the older boy while Otantsu would be taking Kaoru. After explaining their destinations to the chauffeurs the two brothers hugged as they had so many times before, but as he watched Imiki noticed something he had never seen in them before. If it had ever happened before it was never in each other's presence. He had seen them angry, indifferent, happy, mischievous, and every other emotion in the spectrum but only one ever existed when they looked into each other's eyes. When the two looked at each other and weren't plotting some evil deed there was only ever love, but this time as he watched the siblings bid each other goodbye he saw love yes but also a heavy sadness.

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**A/N: Please R&R. Constructive criticism welcome and encouraged!**


	5. The First Step

**A/N: I do not own Ouran High School Host Club or its characters.**

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Chapter 5: The First Step 

"My son, oh how daddy has missed you!" Tamaki's voice was as high pitched and over-the-top energetic as always. The moment Kaoru stepped out of the car in front of the Suoh main estate he was assaulted in a bone crushing hug from the former Host Club king. "Why did you not bring your brother with you? He's not hurt is he? Is he in danger? Has someone kidnapped him? Hurry, I shall call mommy and we will find him! Do not worry; no one shall lay a finger on my Hikaru!" Releasing the now highly irritated ginger, the blonde reached for his mobile only to be prevented from dialing any numbers by a soft sad sounding utterance coming from his 'son'.

'_Like hell he's yours_.' Ignoring his suddenly obsessive internal monolog Kaoru weakly squeezed his friend's arm to shake him from his ramble. "He's fine boss, he's actually on a date." Trying to cover the despair he felt at the mere thought of what his brother might be doing just then he rolled his eyes and gave an exasperated sigh. '_I wonder how Tono would react if I told him about my dreams; not that I ever would. Would he tell me to go for it? Would he be thoroughly disgusted? No, now is not the time for that and besides… I'm just here to be distracted and maybe see Kyoya about those pills. Well, I know one way that's sure to get me some fun here_.' A mischievous smile turned the corners of his mouth as his brain quickly switched from 'brotherly angst' to 'Tono torture'.

"Well, that's wonderful news. My little boy out on a date! He's growing up so fast… wait, with whom? What lucky young woman has the pleasure of my little devil's company on this fine winter's day?" The two friends and former hosts moved inside the lavishly over the top home and removed their jackets. The older boy began clutching his hands together in anticipation of the name of Hikaru's lady friend genuinely clueless as to whom it might be.

"Well, I don't know if I should tell you that Milord. You might not like it. But then again, you ARE the boss so maybe I should…" The devilish orange haired teen began rubbing his neck and turning away from his friend all in an effort to suppress the laughter threatening to erupt from him at any moment. He patiently waited for his companion to begin shaking him by the shoulders and repeating 'who, who is it' over and over before divulging the news with no small amount of genuine pleasure. "Haruhi." The name almost stuck in his mouth like thick peanut butter.

She was his friend and she was on a date with his brother so why did saying her name suddenly… hurt? '_Maybe this ISN'T a game I want to play._' No matter his regret over telling the eccentric blonde that the lucky lady was his 'daughter' it was too late to keep it secret now. That much was obvious by the look on the former king's face. "I'm sorry Tono I know you've had a thing for her for a long time now. Why did you two never get together anyway?" A change of topic, one that didn't involve his twin, was exactly what the younger of the two needed right now.

"That is a bit difficult to explain, but in the end, I suppose I was just too slow." The bubbly spirit that both enraged and delighted almost everyone he met faded by a small fraction as he spoke. It was obvious to Kaoru that the older boy was thinking back on something from the past. After a very pregnant pause the former king cleared his throat and explained without needing to be prompted. "By the time I realized that I was in love with her, she had obviously developed feelings for your brother. It was about the beginning of last year I think. I was upset about the club ending and I realized it wasn't the club I was going to miss; it was my time with everyone. We are like family and I love you all but…"

His voice trailed off as he picked up a large framed image depicting all the members of the Ouran High School Host Club dressed in Edo-era clothes and gently wiped his fingers over each face. "… it was her I would miss the most and then I knew. I knew that I was in love with Haruhi. I don't know if she ever felt the same for me, but I could tell easily that she felt something deeply for him so I let her go. I shall forever be content as her friend, although I should like to see her and all of you more often I think."

"What are you talking about? You saw everyone just two weeks ago when we all ambushed her at home and took her to Sapporo for the winter festival. Don't you remember how Ranka threatened to kill you if she got hurt during the trip?" Smiling a genuinely reassuring smile to comfort his friend, the orange haired boy did his best to lift the other's spirits. '_No sense in both of us being depressed about someone we can never be with. Besides, if he's just going to sit in his corner of woe and grow mushrooms I might as well go home and wait for Hikaru._'

"I guess…" The blonde slowly emerged and it was clear that something was going on in that perplexing head of his as he began bouncing around the room. "Come, my son, let us have some fun! Mommy will be joining us for dinner after his last class of the day. I have no classes until tomorrow, so we three can reminisce and plan our next get together! How do you think Mori and Hani are doing in America? A few more years ad Mori will be running his own Dojo and Hani will be baking and selling cakes stead of just eating them, it's so exciting! They are due back next week, so we should all go somewhere together. I know the beach! And…" His merry incessant rambling was cut short by a light giggle and a hand on his shoulder.

"As much as I enjoy your random trips boss, it IS still winter. Perhaps the beach isn't the best plan. Maybe we could go somewhere like Toyama and visit the Chubu Sangaku National Park. We've never done anything like THAT before." Shrugging his shoulders and removing his had the orange haired house guest moved to take a seat in one of the large comfortable chairs in the front library. The Suoh estate had such wonderful libraries, one on each floor of the house, that it would take you five lifetimes to read everything in the vast collection. Kaoru had borrowed many books from Tamaki over the years and was always fond of visiting them in what he referred to as their 'natural environment'.

Most of the remainder of the late afternoon passed pleasantly enough with neither boy bringing up the topic of their cross-dressing friend or Hikaru to avoid any further displeasure for anyone. They discussed arts, Tono's upcoming inheritance following his graduation from the Ouran Business Academy, their other friends, and anything else that caught their attention.

That evening the two climbed into one of the Suoh family limos and went to a very fine restaurant where they met the former shadow king already waiting and obviously annoyed with the late arrival. "Mommy! Our son will be joining us tonight, isn't that wonderful?" The blonde took his seat next to his best friend and smiled blissfully.

"Hello… Kaoru? Where is your brother this evening, will he not be joining us as well?" The raven haired young man spoke as formally as ever with almost a hint of mirth and perhaps a touch of irritation at the unexpected intrusion as he ignored the rumblings of a now slightly sulking Tamaki.

"Hello Kyoya and yes, it's Kaoru. Hikaru is on a date… with Haruhi; so no. He will not be joining us." Sitting quietly across from his pair of friends it was almost impossible to hide his discomfort with the topic of his twin from the seemingly all-seeing Ootori.

"I see, interesting." The elder boy smirked; something that made your blood run cold. As the glint from his glasses shone the young Hitachiin felt a chill run down his back. '_Does he know? How could he possibly know? No, not even Kyoya and all his scary voodoo powers can't possibly know what I dream about OR what happen last night. You're just being paranoid Kaoru. Relax, nobody knows anything. It's all in your head just calm down and have a nice dinner with your friends._' The evening progressed smoothly with light conversation and classic Tono overreactions.

At one point late in the meal the young ginger asked the shadow king about sleeping pills showing a particular interest in the type that did not allow for dreams. "Why would you require such things Kaoru? Such a specific request must have an interesting explanation behind it. Would you mind sharing?" The raven haired teen adjusted his glasses while maintaining his trademark stoic expression and even tone. '_Are they fighting? This business with Haruhi must be difficult for them, considering neither have ever truly dated before. She is a pleasant enough girl, if you go for that sort of thing, of course._' With a nod and a phone call the topic was changed, though there would certainly come the need for explanations later.

Once the meal was complete the three companions each called for their cars and waited together in front of the restaurant. "Thanks again for the pills Kyoya, I think they'll be a big help. Even though I still have no idea how you got them delivered to the table, and so quickly. Something tells me I'm better off not knowing." Kaoru smiled and placed two small bottles of Ootori brand pills into his jacket pockets. The three companions said their good-byes and headed off in their respective cars and went their separate ways. It was less than an hour later, about ten, when the 'son' of the group arrived home. Pleased with his afternoon and evening he happily went to his own bedroom, certain that his maids had moved his belongings as instructed, to shower and change before gathering the courage to see if his brother had returned.

What he didn't expect to find when he walked into the room he had only used a handful of times since he was five, was company. The orange haired teen was startled by a figure sitting silently on his bed in the completely unlit space. "About time you got home. Do you have any idea how worried I've been?" Hikaru's voice was shaky and it didn't take much for his twin to deduce what he'd been doing there in the dark; crying. "I called you a hundred times; I sent a thousand texts, why didn't you answer? Do you have any idea how scared I was?" The shadowed figure of the distraught twin had left the bed and taken several large steps closing the gap between the two boys. Pulling his alarmed other half close, the older brother hugged the younger almost to the point of pain. "I thought I'd lost you." There was no anger in his voice, no irritation, only sadness.

'_No, his nightmares! I knew I shouldn't have turned my phone off, dammit Tono_!' The more submissive twin had shut off his mobile at the request of the 'boss' at the beginning of dinner. He hadn't been sure why the blonde had asked, but considering he was in no way expecting his twin to call during his date he hadn't considered it a problem at the time. "I'm sorry Hika, I didn't mean to frighten you. I was with Tono and Kyoya, remember? They would never let anything happen to me, you know that. Not dear mommy and daddy." With a small laugh Kaoru tried to lighten the other's spirits to almost no avail. A rather pathetic excuse for a smile tainted his handsome features as he struggled to comfort his troubled sibling.

Before he could say anything more, said boy broke their hug in favor of looking him in the eye and speaking as a father would to his young child. "Never do that again." Hikaru's voice was stern and did a perfect job of expressing the fright he had been feeling over the last hour waiting for his beloved brother to return. The younger nodded and went to reestablish their hug when his movements were paused and his mind began to scream. '_Even if I can never be with you I know I could never live without you. What I wouldn't give to kiss you right now_.' Releasing his mirror image's shoulders the elder sibling began to make his way towards the door.

"Hike, wait." Approaching his twin the younger retrieved the two bottles he had received earlier that evening from his jacket. "Here, I got these from Kyoya." After tossing one to his confused other half Kaoru moved towards the washroom door. "Take one to help you sleep. Take two if you don't want to dream, but never more than two. We'll be ok to take them for a few weeks, but we should try to take them as little as possible. Something about cumulative effects being dangerous, you know how Kyoya can be about details. I might have zoned out a bit while he was explaining." Smiling at his own joke the more mature of the twins moved to disappear behind the washroom door when the other's voice stopped him.

"Are we really going to do this?" Holding the innocent looking bottle, Hikaru looked at his sibling's sullen face and took a few steps closer. "Are we really going to go so far as to basically drug ourselves just so we can sleep in separate rooms? Maybe we don't need quite this much space." Walking to his perplexed twin whose angelic face now pointed towards the floor the older boy lifted the younger's chin with his lithe fingers. "I'm not so sure I WANT to be away from you. I know that it's something we should do, I understand that we're getting older and even if I wasn't dating we would need to grow apart. It's only healthy right? One day I'll inherit the company and you will be my partner and will both get married and have kids, but why can't we stay together a little longer." Without anything resembling cerebral functions the two embraced before the younger parted and stepped back onto the cold tile on the washroom floor.

"We have to Hika. Please don't be mad, but I can't tell exactly why. I can only tell you that I NEED to start doing this now. Please? You will date Haruhi, and maybe even fall in love. I'll hang out with the others more often, and maybe even get a girlfriend of my own. In a few months we will both be happy and independent but still close. Promise?" The almost desperate look in his eyes was more than the elder Hitachiin could take.

"You know I could never say no to you little brother. You've always been the more mature one anyway and if this is what we must do then I will agree, but I'm not looking forward to it." Turning away, Hikaru moved towards the door and as he opened it preparing to leave his twin's room for what he feared would be the last the last time he stopped and looked back. "Good night Kaoru. Sweet dreams." Closing the door behind him the orange haired boy left for his own bedroom in hopes the night would pass swiftly and break for a better morning.

'_Hopefully these things work and I won't be having any dreams at all_. _I need a shower. I can't believe how close I came to kissing him. He looked so completely destroyed and it was my entire fault. I just wanted to comfort him, but when he looked at me like that…_' After a brief and cold shower the determined younger boy swallowed two of the small yellow pills and crawled under the decadent covers. "Good night Hikaru, good luck to us both."

Back in his own accommodations the older ginger stared at the contents of the bottle in his hand. He thought about how he felt sitting in his brother's room, unable to contact his twin; the fear that his horrible dreams had come true gripping his heart. His mind began to linger in the memory of the last hour; the feeling of cranial desire that filled him as he hugged his innocent Kaoru. Ripping his mind away, he took two small round pills from the bottle and looked up into the mirror. "Good night little brother."

The next morning, both Hitachiin siblings woke late even by their standards. After dressing they each emerged into the hallway at the same time. Two minds contemplated very similar thoughts: _What do we do until Haruhi gets here? What do we do after she gets here? _Concerns played out in identical eyes as they searched each other for the answers. Soft smiles formed on conflicted faces as the twins joined hands and walked silently down towards the kitchen for breakfast. After a slightly uncomfortable meal they moved to the library after retrieving their school bags and diligently prepared or the project they were to work on with the honor student upon her arrival. After everything was ready Kaoru braved the first words spoken between them all day. "How do you feel?"

"Like crap."

"Me too. I think it's the pills, how many did you take?" The younger looked up at his other half as he spoke. Hikaru held up two fingers. "Yeh, me too. Well, hopefully we won't need them for long and then we'll be just like normal brothers. We'll both be happy; you with Haruhi and me with… whoever. That's what we want right?" Again his reply was silent, a nod of the head and a sad empty smile. "Plus, I bet our grades will improve if we're not plotting pranks in our… your bedroom." Looking down the softer spoken ginger forced an equally empty smile to curl the corners of his mouth. The two sat quietly with each distracted by their private thoughts as they awaited a certain brunette's rival.

'_He's right and you know it. You need to be away from him, especially at night. You need to dream of Haruhi's lips, of her skin, of her scent; not his. You want to desire her company and the sensation of her eyes on you; not his. You can't tell him that you know about his dreams and you definitely can't tell him about yours. It can never be for so many reasons. The longer you delay distancing yourself from him the more you run the risk of ruining everything for both of you. How could you be so selfish? LET HIM GO! So what if you have a few hazy headache riddled mornings are worth his happiness and yours so get it together Hikaru!'_

_'__I can't believe I'm sitting here dreading seeing my brother's girlfriend. She's my friend too, so why does the simple thought of seeing them together make me sick? He will never feel the same and he shouldn't. Maybe seeing them together will hurt, but that hurt could be the one thing I need most. This sucks.'_

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**A/N: Please R&R. Constructive criticism welcome and encouraged!**


	6. The Winter Fair

**A/N: I do not own Ouran High School Host Club or its characters.**

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Chapter 6: The Winter Fair 

Over the next several days things seemed to be progressing according to Hikaru's secret plan. He went on a second date with Haruhi during the week and had a third planned for the break. The twins occupied separate bedrooms at home with each maintaining that they we were starting to sleep better. A mutual lie for the benefit of the other. Both boys took two sleeping pills every night with neither daring to brave the dark without. Each feared the potential for confusing or painful dreams, but didn't want to worry the other. Every morning over breakfast they would each ask: 'How did you sleep?' and both would answer: 'Fine.'

They didn't technically lie knowing the other would easily be able to tell so both simply omitted any mention of taking the pills. Kaoru was growing increasingly uncomfortable around his cross-dressing friend as the week progressed. The night she went out with Hikaru for the second time he had again made plans to spend time with Tamaki and Kyoya. Today was Friday and the happy couple was scheduled to attend the Ouran Winter Fair tomorrow and while he loved the annual event both for the food and the rides, he had decided that he would not attend.

"Look Milord I appreciate your concern I really do, but I just don't feel like going this year. Can't we hang out at your house? I have a new game I can bring if you'd like." The younger twin did his best to make his voice sound carefree as he spoke to his friend on the limousine phone. '_Can't let Hika know he's the reason I don't want to attend the fair. I know seeing them together on their date would probably be good for me, but I just don't think I could handle it right now. Maybe in a few weeks when I don't need the pills to keep the dreams away_.' Turning to flash a bored expression to the ginger seated next to him the younger boy did his best to finish his act for his brother's benefit. "Ok ok I'll see you tomorrow. Bye boss."

'_I'm glad he is going out rather than just staying home when I go on my dates but why Tono? Didn't Hani and Mori get back yesterday? I figured he would go see them or maybe ask that new girl out or something. I know that imbecile is our friend and all but he can be so… exhausting_.' Turning to face his sibling Hikaru tilted his head in that inquisitive way he always did on the rare occasion when he didn't know what the other was thinking. "Why don't you want to go to the fair Kao? You haven't missed the fair since that year when we were laid up with that crappy fever a couple years ago. You're not getting sick again are you?" Leaning forward, he rested his forehead against one just like it and smiled. "Doesn't feel like a fever. Good. But if you're not sick then why don't you want to go to the fair?"

Kaoru suddenly felt angry and sad all at once. '_I don't want to go watch you make out with Haruhi you idiot. It should be me cuddled up with you in the Ferris wheel. WE should share all that crappy commoner's food on a stick and laugh at all the girls too scared to go on the roller coasters. But none of that can happen, at least not the way I wish it could and seeing you do all those things with her would be more than I can handle right now. It's better you think I'm mad, maybe then we will have the space I need. I just wish I could do this without hurting you, but it's better you think we are growing apart than learn the truth. At least this way I can still have my brother._' Suddenly realizing that he hadn't answered his twin's question t younger boy turned to look out the window convinced he break down if he had to look at the other's deep golden eyes. "I just don't feel like it is all. Besides, don't you have a date? Why do you care what I do?" He hadn't intended for his voice to sound as cold as it did, but what was done was done and there was no taking it back now.

"What the hell crawled up your butt all the sudden?" Just as he finished the limo came to a halt and Imiki's voice sounded from the front of the car announcing their arrival home. The older teen faced front and thanked the old man, but by the time he turned back to his brother the younger boy had disappeared out the door and into the house. '_Is he mad about my date? Is he still having those dreams? But he says he's been sleeping ok; then again so do I. Maybe this is good. If he's mad, then he won't be thinking about me like that and I can focus on Haruhi. I bet she will look really cute, I'm glad I convinced her to wear that outfit I gave her. I bet Kao would look better in it though_.' Walking as his thoughts progressed Hikaru made his way to his bedroom and closed the door behind him.

Kaoru sat in the dark leaning against his locked door half hoping his bother would come pounding on the thick wood demanding to know what was wrong. After an hour of staring at the floor and feeling guilty for picking a fight over nothing he conceded. '_He's not coming. Why would he? He has every right to be mad at me for snapping at him like that and I wouldn't blame him if he never speaks to me again. Ok, maybe never is a bit overly dramatic. But I AM pretty sure he will be mad for a while. I doubt I'll see him before he leaves to pick up Haruhi tomorrow. That's probably for the best_.' Picking himself up off the floor, he moved into his washroom and retrieved the bottle of sleeping pills from one of the many white drawers.

Shaking two out into his hand, he looked into the mirror and imagined his reflection was his brother. "I'm a little scared Hika. Kyoya told me that if you take these for too long that you might not be able to sleep without them. But what else can I do? Any time I close my eyes all I can see is you and all I can think about is kissing you and… well… other stuff." Blushing, he was unwilling to voice out loud even to his own reflection the true depravity of his own thoughts and desires. Afraid his thoughts would begin to wander into forbidden territory any moment he quickly downed both of the little round pills dry before changing and crawling into bed where he cried softly as he waited for unconsciousness.

Across the hallway and two doors down an identical orange haired teen sat at his computer pounding angrily away on the defenses keyboard. Every night that week he tried sleeping without using the pills his brother had given him waiting as long as possible before giving up and tonight would be no different. He had begun keeping a diary on his laptop to work through his confusing situation. Under normal circumstances, he would talk to his other half if he were confused or hurt… but these circumstances were anything but normal. '_What he hell is his problem? I'm sure he's having a hard time, but he should be happy I'm going out with Haruhi. At least that way we can both move past this… stage or whatever it is and be normal. That's it! If he's going to throw a fit like a child, then I'm not going to waste time dancing around his feelings. If he can be mad at nothing and not worry about thing me why can't I do the same!_'

Slamming the screen closed, he picked up his phone and dialed his girlfriend. After three rings a nearly monotone voice sounded a generic greeting. "Hey Haruhi it's me, Hikaru. Did I wake you?"

"Yeah, but that's ok. What's up?" Her voice was groggy but her words were clear.

"Nothing, I'm sorry I woke you. I'll see you tomorrow, two o'clock right? Ok good. Gomenasai. Night!" Quickly closing the phone he switched it off in case the likely confused brunette called back. Looking at the bedside clock he watched the bright blue numbers change to read 12:53. '_He never came. Maybe it's working and he's moving on. That's good, right?_' Moving to the washroom, the frazzled teen retrieved the bottle he concealed under one of the sinks behind some hair gel. "If I take two, then I'll feel like crap tomorrow. If I only take one will I have nightmares?" Looking up at his own reflection, he took a deep breath for courage. "Here goes nothing."

Taking the solitary pill he went back into the bedroom and approached an ornate bookshelf resting between the floor to ceiling windows. There behind a set of five false books was the Hitachiin siblings' secret stash of sakē. After washing down the little yellow tablet with a few long soothing swallows, he returned the bottle to its hiding place and crawled into bed. Within minutes the combination of medication and alcohol began to take effect as the dark room closed in as sleep claimed its victory.

As noon approached Kaoru began to stir in his bed. He had no homework to complete and three hours to kill until the Suoh car would be coming for him. He was desperate to avoid running into his brother, he didn't want to see anger or disappointment in Hikaru's beautiful face. He was sure that was something his heart could simply not handle. His mind was foggy and his body ached, both side effects of taking a double dose of sleeping pills. "I wonder when he's leaving." Submitting to the day he threw off the covers and went for a refreshing shower. '_I told Tono I'd bring a game with me, but there all in Hika's room. I can't go in there. Not until he's gone. I just can't face him right now._' Grabbing a large book he sat with his back against the door allowing him to hear his brother when he left.

As he waited his elder brother began to stir in his bed. "No nightmares, nice. What time is it?" Turning, he stared at the bedside clock and had to blink a few times before being able to see the numbers. '_DAMN! It's almost one! I'm supposed to meet Haruhi in an hour._' Quickly he jumped from the plush bed and ran to the washroom. He was cleaned primped and dressed in less than forty five minutes. Slamming the door behind him, he took the few steps towards his twin's door and raised his hand to knock but lowered it before making contact. '_Do I want to see him right now? Is he still mad? Maybe he's still sleeping._'

As he turned to walk away the door opened and Kaoru emerged. The younger Hitachiin froze mid stride and his eyes grew wide as he came face to face with the one person he least wanted to see. "Off to your date?" Fearful his eyes would betray his feelings for his mirror image he quickly looked away and pushed past the other teen.

Turning to watch his twin walk down the hall without another word or waiting for an answer anger suddenly built in the less mature boy's chest. "Yes, I'm going on my date now so don't wait up. Not that you even care!" Storming off the way he did when he was frustrated and lost the older ginger made his way to the waiting car and rode in silence towards the fair.

After hearing the car pull away a crying ginger made is way into his brother's room in search of game to occupy his time with his friend while he pretended he wasn't obsessing over his twin's date. After locating the newest game he called the former Host Club Prince. "Hey boss, I'm ready whenever you are. Do you want me to come to your house or would you prefer to come here?"

There was a short pause on the other end of the line before the blonde finally responded. "Why don't I come to you this time! And don't worry, Daddy has the perfect plan for keeping us all entertained."

"Us all? Are Mori and Honey with you too?"

"No, they're meeting us later. Kyoya is coming and we will be there shortly, so be ready for a splendid day!" Before Kaoru could ask anything else the chipper boy's voice was replaced with a dial tone.

"I guess that makes sense, Tono and the Shadow King are best friends after all and dinner was nice the other day. Kyoya can actually be nice when money isn't involved." After a short wait, he made his way into the car and sat between his two friends smiling wide, grateful for any kind of distraction. "So where are we going?"

"To the Winter Fair." The raven haired teen offered his signature half smile, but somehow it was warmer than it usually was. There was no hint of malice or manipulation, odd.

"Boss that's the one thing I said I didn't want to do. Can we please go do something else?"

"Why are you so opposed to attending the fair Kaoru? Unless I'm mistaken, you've not missed the a year since you were five so what makes this year different. You are not ill, so there must be some other reason. Won't you tell us what's going on? And don't lie, we both know that I WILL find out the truth if I need to." Turning to better face his two companions the former Shadow King's voice held a tone that was most unlike him in the ginger's opinion.

'_Is that concern?_' Shaking off the strange feeling the younger teen took a deep breath and quickly thought up an excuse loosely based on truth. "Hikaru and Haruhi will be there on their date and I don't want to be in their way." He did his best to sound nonchalant as he tried to divert attention away from the source of his reluctance. '_Please don't pry, just let it go and let's go somewhere else_.' Luck was not on his side.

"But Hani and Mori are waiting for us! There will be lots of people enjoying the festivities so you don't need to worry about running into your brother. Oh Kaoru this will be so much fun!" Tightly embracing the flustered golden eyed boy Tamaki giggled as the car pulled to a stop outside the fair. The three friends made their way out of the sleek black limo towards the main entrance where a very bubbly extremely petite blond waved enthusiastically from the shoulders of a statuesque teen with the looks of a model. "Hey guys!" As the five friends reunited the youngest in the group began to dart his eyes around the passersby scanning for the one person he desperately did not want to see.

"Tama-Chan, Kyo-Chan, Kao-Chan! They have so many fun looking rides and over there they have something called cheesecake. It sounds yummy! Let's go!" The boy Lolita began jumping like an excited child on their birthday as his much larger cousin silently lowered him the ground.

"Wonderful! Shall we stay as a group or split up and meet at the Ferris wheel later?" Though their fearless leader was addressing all the former hosts he crouched and clasped hands with Hani matching his childlike wonder with ease.

"Sorry everybody, but I just really don't want to be here and I don't think I'll make for very good company. Why don't I just meet you all later and everybody can go have some fun?" Shoving his hands into his pockets, Kaoru turned away from his friends and began to walk towards a nearby bench. Without words the four remaining teens nodded to one another and smiled. Mori and Hani set off to taste cakes and ride rides. Tamaki disappeared into the crowd for a secret mission he called 'Operation Protect Haruhi from the Little Devil'. Kyoya walked towards a now sulking ginger and sat next him without a word. "Kyoya? Aren't you going to go be dragged all over the fair by Tono? You'll miss all the fun."

"You're not the only one brought here against his will. I have no desire to be dragged all over and forced to spy on your brother and Haruhi which is exactly what that idiot is currently doing. I don't think he knows that he is still in love with her." The older boy's voice was controlled and calm as he watched countless numbers of couples and groups of friends passed the two by.

"I don't mean to be rude Kyoya, but why are you being nice to me? Don't get me wrong, I appreciate it and all, but between the other day at dinner and now it just seems very out of character for you." Doing his best to not offend his friend the gentler twin forced a smile to his lips and tilted his head inquisitively.

"Do I need a reason to show kindness to a friend? Particularly one who is silently suffering through something he is averse to talk about." A smile curled the corners of his mouth as he spoke. It was warm and genuine not cold and fake like usual. The younger boy felt it somehow suited him.

'_You know when he smiles like that he looks even more handsome than usual. Maybe this night won't be so bad after all. If I do see Hikaru and I'm with Kyoya maybe I won't mind._' Pleased by his thoughts the ginger teen reciprocated the pleasant expression before offering to purchase some of the cheesecake Hani had mentioned. Several hours later the odd pair was making their way towards the agreed upon meeting spot while sharing some commoners treat called a corn-dog when they were spotted by the very couple at the center of Kaoru's thoughts.

'_Is that Kao and… Kyoya? I thought he wasn't coming to the fair because he was pissed. Wasn't he supposed to be with the boss? What the hell… WHAT IS THAT LEVIATHAN DOING WITH MY KAORU?!_' The older twin's eyes grew larger as they took in the scene before them. He watched with horror as the taller raven haired teen lifted his little brother's chin gently with his long fingers and wiped something away from his mouth. He screamed inside his head as he watched a pale blush creep over his mirror image from the strangely intimate gesture. Quickly shaking his head when his date's voice sounded in his ears, he gently guided her by the shoulders to block her view. '_Why do I care if she sees what I'm staring at? Wouldn't she be just as shocked?_' Laughing nervously, he coughed weakly before finding his voice. "Sorry! I thought I saw something, but it was nothing. Want to ride the Ferris wheel?" The smaller brunette smiled happily and took her boyfriend's arm as they made their way towards the line.

Ten minutes later all the former members of the Ouran High School Host Club waited their turn to climb into one of the cadged seats and see the fair from up high. The seemingly happy couple stood several groups ahead of their friends completely unaware that they were being closely watched by an unknowingly love sick blonde. "There can be up to four people per carriage so you will need to split up." The attendant's voice was monotone and conveyed the middle aged man's boredom perfectly. Hikaru and Haruhi had already taken their seats and were now several cages high in the air.

"Tama-Chan you can ride with me and Takashin. Kyo-Chan can ride with Kou-Chan, ok?" Everyone nodded and quickly took their seats. Kaoru was glad he wouldn't be able to see his brother as he sat on the inside bench and smiled as Kyoya chose to sit next to him rather than on the opposite side. As the wheel continued to turn the group began to gain altitude. The mismatched pair continued to talk, smile and laugh gently completely unaware of the golden eyes now boring holes in the backs of their heads. Tamaki crouched on his bench peering over the edge to watch his 'daughter' and her date oblivious of the cousins shaking their heads behind him.

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**A/N: Please R&R. Constructive criticism welcome and encouraged! **


	7. A Slip of the Tongue

**AnimeFollower - **Thanks a lot! Its always motivating to hear that someone likes my story. Hopefully I will be able to live up to expectations, but I'm sure you will let me know. Well here's hoping you like this one.

**Anon**** -** All I will say is that I have a plan, and I hope you will like it.

**A/N: I do not own Ouran High School Host Club or its characters.**

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Chapter 7: A Slip of the Tongue 

It had been two weeks since the Winter Fair and the Hatachiin siblings had barely spoken a word to one another. Meals were eaten in silence and car rides were spent in awkwardness with both refusing to make eye contact. Classes at Ouran High became uncomfortable as Kaoru struggled to make conversation and work with different partners during assignments. In the past the brothers were inseparable, but now it was the elder and Haruhi that seemed attached at the hip. Seeing his brother look so happy working with the little brunette gave the younger twin very mixed feelings. On one hand, he was pleased that his twin was smiling. On the other hand he felt like his heart was breaking every time he wasn't the one causing that irresistible curl the corners of his twin's luscious mouth.

'_What's wrong with me? I'm supposed to be getting over these feelings and moving on to something normal just like him. They make such a good couple so why do I watch them, hoping to see trouble? Does this make me a bad person or just a bad brother? Maybe I should talk to someone bout this, but whom? I can't even talk to Hani, he's way too naive about these kinds of things. He doesn't even realize Mori is in love with him; baka. I can't tell Tamaki, he's still conflicted over Haruhi so I don't want to make things more difficult for him. I wonder if I could talk to Kyoya? It's been kind of nice getting to spend more time with him over these last few weeks. He knows something's wrong, hell I bet he could use his voodoo powers to figure it out if he hasn't already. What's the worst thing that can happen? He laughs in my face and tells me how disgusting I am? I lose all my friends become shunned by everyone in school and have to go live in our mother's home in France? No big deal_.' The youngest twin's thoughts lingered over his increasingly difficult situation.

"So I'll pick you up around four? Ok good. I'll have to leave by ten though, since we only have one car tonight I'll need to pick up Kaoru on the way home." Hikaru's voice resonated throughout the spacious car as it drove carefully through the rain towards the Hitachiin estate. Tomorrow was Saturday and he had plants to spend the evening with his girlfriend much like he had done for the last several weeks. Turning to face his brooding brother the elder teen gathered his thoughts. '_I wish I could sleep without the nightmares. Those pills helped but as soon as I stopped taking them the dreams returned… with a vengeance. Not only are the nightmares getting worse, but when I'm not having one of those I'm dreaming about doing despicable things to my sweet baby brother.' _

Hikaru had stopped taking the sleeping pills all together out of an aversion to the truly awful nature of his mornings following a dosage_._ Despite the myriad of nightmares and seductive dreams he was now able to at least fall asleep without his twin by his side. He even grew accustomed to waking every few hours and forcing himself back into unconsciousness._ 'I hope Kao isn't still having those dreams. Now that I'm having them, I feel like I know what it must have been like for him. He doesn't even look at me anymore. Is it because he feels ashamed or has my plan worked that well? Have we truly lost our bond and become two… separate?_'

Gathering his courage the concerned boy formed his sweetest smile before addressing the back of the other's head. "So tomorrow are you going to Tono's or Hani's? We should tell Imiki so he knows where to drop you off before taking me to Haruhi's place." He did his best to sound happy. He felt like he was lying, but couldn't bear the thought of worrying his other half.

The younger of the two boys turned and looked down at his phone before sending a quick text. Moments later the small orange device chimed and he looked up at his twin with a cold hollow smile. "Actually, I would like to go to Kyoya's tomorrow. He said he has agreed to help me with a problem I've been having." He quickly returned his gaze to the passing scenery fearing he might do something he would regret otherwise. Being physically close to Hikaru had become almost painful over the last month and looking at that perfect face almost stung his eyes. He had taken two sleeping pills almost every night since moving into his own room. He tried several times to take only one, but found his vivid dreams wasted no time in returning. A few times during break he tried to take nothing only to give in well past morning and sleep the majority of the day away.

Things were not going well for the youngest Hitachiin. The desires for his twin had not diminished over time as he had hoped, but rather they had grown and begun to permeate his waking hours. Even with the pills keeping away the images of his mind during the long nights he had no relief from his yearnings. Every time he closed his eyes images of his brother filled his thoughts and today he had begun to fantasize in the middle of math. It was all becoming too much for him to handle and he was almost desperate for a solution. '_I feel like I'm losing my mind. I've got to do something to get these thoughts out of my head before we grow so far apart that I lose him forever. If talking to Kyoya doesn't help… if I end up shunned… then at least I can say I tried. Moving way to France would be easier than watching him slowly leave me behind_.'

"Why would you want to go there? You should go see Hani or the boss not the shadow king. Besides, he's just using you to gain some kind of profit so why give him the chance?" An anger toward the Ootori he knew was unjustified had begun to build in the less patient teen's chest ever since he saw the tenderness the raven eyed boy had shown his brother during the fair. Any time he found his mirror image on the phone with the frightening teen he wanted nothing more than to reach through the line and punch him screaming 'stay away from MY Kaoru'. '_I know Kao doesn't like to be alone, but why Kyoya? Wait, shouldn't I be supportive of his choices no matter what? After all, I have Haruhi right? We've been together for a month now… but I haven't even kissed her. I guess I'm kind of scared, but I know that if this is going to work and I'm going to save him from being unhappy later on then I need to try harder with her. That's settled. Tomorrow is the day I'm going to have my first kiss_.'

As the older twin became lost in his plan… again… he missed a look of shock that flashed across the other's face for only a moment before being replaced with one of indifference. "Why do you care where I go or who I'm hanging out with? Shouldn't you be focused on your girlfriend?"

"Your my little brother, of course I care who you hang out with! I don't get what's with you lately Kaoru. It's like you resent me for getting a girlfriend, but you haven't even tried to get one for yourself so I don't understand. We don't even talk anymore. Do you hate me now or something?" He knew it wasn't true, his twin could never hate him, but that didn't stop him from hurting… or worrying. '_Does he resent me now because I don't feel the same way as he does? Does he not feel that way anymore? Is it just me? That's it, isn't it? He doesn't feel that way for me anymore and he's ashamed that it ever happened so he's taking his frustrations out on me. And here I thought I was supposed to be the immature one. I hope he doesn't stay mad long. I hope we can go back to how things use to be before these… these thoughts ruined everything._' No more words were spoken between the pair until they arrived home and thanked Imiki.

"Arigato!" The two voices sounded in unison as both gave a slight bow. The simple act brought a smile to the older man's face thought he was still very concerned about his young masters. In all their lives he had never seen them so cold towards each other. At the realization of their unexpected synchronization both boys blushed and turned away from one another before making their way into the house.

That night the confused and conflicted siblings sat in their separate rooms, completing homework and distracting themselves any way they could while they waited for the right time to attempt sleep. Kaoru spent most of the night texting with Hani and Tono while Hikaru spent his time confessing to his computer. Unknowingly both pondered similar questions as they longed to act out their shameful fantasies. '_I know it's the right thing to do; distancing myself from him. It's not working. These pills, the dates, they're not doing anything to alleviate how much I want to hold him. Am I not doing enough? I know we need a healthy distance, but if we keep drifting apart like this soon we will be more like strangers than brothers. We are two halves of the same person, aren't we? Does this mean I'm fated to be tortured in this limbo forever, always wanting he one person I can never have?_'

The next day the brothers shared another uncomfortably silent car ride to the overbearing Ootori mansion. As Kaoru made his way to exit the limo he was abruptly stopped by the light grip of long fingers around his wrist. Instantly his pulse tripled and he struggled to suppress a surprised gasp. Fighting down the blush that threatened to engulf his face, he turned to look at his other half with the blankest expression he could muster. "What?"

"Oh, um I… I'll text you when I'm on my way later." Fighting back his own damning blush Hikaru dropped his brother's arm and turned away resisting the urge to watch Kaoru's perfectly round ass as he exited the car. '_Yep, no doubt about it; I'm going to hell for this if I don't get these thoughts out of my damned head!_' His palms began to sweat and his heart began racing as he turned his attention to his plan for the evening. The only person he had ever kissed was Kaoru and only on the cheek or hand. He had never even kissed his parents, neither had his twin. '_What will it be like? I've heard you can tell a lot about how someone feels with a kiss so it needs to be good. She can't know that I'm really in love with Kao and not… OH MY KAMI-SAMA! I'm in love with Kaoru? I'm in… love… with Kaoru? When did that happen? Great, that's just perfect! He's so over his stupid dreams that he's even mad at me and I've gone and fallen in love with him! AHHHHHHH!_'

Orange strands were pulled tight as he shook his head in frustration while the car speed towards the modest apartment of the girl he intended to share his lips with for the first time. Upon arrival, he took a few calming breaths before leaving the luxurious surroundings of his limo and mounting the dingy concrete stairs. He knocked on the door with an uncharacteristically soft touch almost hoping it would go unheard. The brunette inside had been reading in the small sitting room allowing her to easily recognize the light but familiar noise. With a smile that could put anyone who saw it instantly at ease she welcomed the clearly nervous youth inside before offering him a cup of tea which he gratefully accepted.

"Are you ok? You seem like something is bothering you today. If there's something important you need do or somewhere else you need to be we can reschedule you know. I don't mind." Gently she placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder as she spoke in that kind voice that always manage to make him feel peaceful. '_Something has been bothering him for a while now, but he just won't tell me about it. Any time I bring it up, he changes the topic to something new and just gives me that host smile of his. I hate that smile; it's so empty. I think I might know what's going on with him… Kaoru too, but I don't want to make assumptions. I just want him to be happy… with me._' Haruhi had certainly grown in these last few years. No longer was she oblivious to others feelings though she did feign ignorance from time to time to avoid awkward situations. Who wouldn't? '_Aaaand there it is. Crap, he's not gonna talk is he?_'

Sporting his best host smile Hikaru placed his cup delicately on the table before taking her chin in his hand and leaning close the way he always had with his brother in their 'brotherly love' act. "A minor matter that needs no further consideration tonight I assure you. Now, how shall we spend our evening?" Knowing it was a lie felt almost dirty, but not nearly as shameful as confessing the truth or at least that's how the ginger teen thought of it. Both wordlessly agreed to drop the topic, at least for now, in favor of watching a movie the petite girl had rented especially for this occasion. It was a comedy horror flick; not your typical date movie, but considering the date's participants it was just about perfect.

It was several hours later when the movie was completed and dinner was eaten. The brown eyed girl was always such a good cook, she made the most mundane of commoners dishes something to be savored. Ronka had joined them for the meal and provided plenty of entertainment in the way of overly exaggerated gestures and recounts of clients from his work. The pair of youths had excused themselves to take a casual walk through a nearby park, leaving the washing up for the enthusiastic father at the flamboyant man's request. "Your dad sure was in a good mood tonight though I still don't think I understand exactly what it is he does. Something tells me that I might not want to ask for details." They giggled at the implication as the formally oblivious female took her boyfriend's hand in her own.

The two had shared many hugs over the last month thought most were the same as they had been before they became a couple; crushing and friendly. Over the last few dates Haruhi had begun to softly initiate more physical contact hoping for a favorable response from her counterpart. A casual brushing of the hands here a head resting on a shoulder there, but it quickly became all too obvious that such actions were always one sided. The ginger teen seemed either ignorant to the tender touches or adverse to them all together. He never initiated such actions barring lifting the girl's chin earlier that night. As she laced her fingers between his she felt him tense. It was so slight she was certain he was unaware it even happened. Determined to finally get some answers she carefully guided him towards a small bench.

"Hikaru, why are you so nervous tonight? And what's been going on with you. I know something is bothering you, but you won't talk to me. I know you said it was something simple and not to worry, but you're lying. Please just talk to me." Holding both of his hands as if preventing him from fleeing she looked him straight in the eye. After several moments of quiet and tense staring the orange haired boy began to move closer to his girlfriend's mouth with his own. Both their breaths began to hitch with anticipation of what was obviously about to happen. '_Is this why he's been acting strange? Was he anxious about kissing me?'_ She couldn't help but wonder as her eyes drifted shut and she felt the tentative pressure of warm lips.

It was rather awkward for a few moments before both found themselves melting into the kiss. It was earnest but genuine as hands found their way onto waists and shoulders. As the two parted, they smiled shyly before leaning back in for more. There was more intensity the second time as each fought to deepen the contact by clutching at jackets and hair. A tongue grazed a lip and a wet battle began. Soft accidental sounds began to drip from impassioned lips. Hikaru's lips to be precise. As the increasingly intimate action continued the fervent boy lost himself to his actions. Without realizing it, his mind had formed a picture of the person whose mouth he explored with all due enthusiasm but there was a problem. The lips he caressed with his own and the ones he pictured in his head belonged to two very different people. Soft wordless sounds became pants of a name; his brother's name.

At first it was merely bits of a word and the distracted girl took no note but when a very clear 'Kaoru' was heard, her eyes shot open and she pushed her partner away almost roughly. Brown eyes stared into gold as shock set into a fully red face. Tears began falling as he covered his face in shame. '_So I was right after all_.' Her thoughts were short lived as her shock transformed into concern. Rubbing soothing circles on her boyfriend's back, she calmly waited for him to get it all out of his system before speaking. "How long have you been in love with him?" It was such a direct question, so typically Haruhi.

The normally mischievous but caring teen wiped his face and steadied his breath before addressing his concerned friend. "I don't know. Believe or or not I actually realized it only today. I'm sorry Haruhi. I thought if we went out I would fall for you and then I could forget these… these… rrrrrrr… I don't even know! I just can't get him out of my head! It's not normal and I know it! We've never cared what anybody else thought of us, but this… this is different. I thought it was just some hormonal thing and if I got away from him some it would stop, but it's only getting worse." Again he hid behind his slender hands in a fruitless attempt to conceal himself from piercing brown eyes.

"As I thought." Pulling his hands away Haruhi spoke gently but directly. "I've been watching you two for a while now, since we started dating actually, and there is one thing I can tell you for sure: he feels the same way. It's obvious that there's something there when he looks at you. You look at him as though you're afraid he might disappear any moment whenever he's not watching and he does the same to you. I wasn't sure at first, but once you accepted my invitation I saw the hurt in his eyes. He misses you Hikaru and it's entirely my fault. I should never have come between the two of you even if you were both oblivious." Her words both soothed and stung in the fragile boy's heart.

"I wish you were right. I wish he did feel that way about me and I'm sure he even did at one point, but now… no. He won't talk to me and when he does it's only to fight but none of that matters anyway. Let's say he did still care for me that way. We're twins! TWINS! You can't just go around being in love with your own brother. It's… it's wrong. If we were cousins or something there might be a chance but siblings? No. I'm sorry I used you Haruhi." Bowing his head in a shame he felt would never wash away, he bit his lip as he felt the tears build again.

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**A/N: Please R&R. Constructive criticism welcome and encouraged! **


	8. A Choice is Made

**AnimeFollower - **thanks!

**StaticMissi** - Patience, wait and see...

**A/N: I do not own Ouran High School Host Club or its characters.**

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Chapter 8: A Choice is Made

"I used you Hikaru." This got his attention. "I was so mad at Tamaki for never noticing that I could be more than his damned daughter that I exploited our friendship. I was doing the same thing you were; hoping that over time I could move on… with you. I think we both know we were wrong now though, so what do we do?" The pair sat in silence for several minutes contemplating the depth of their situation. Each wanted to do what was right and best for everyone involved, even if it was more painful for them personally.

"Would it be ok with you if we acted like we were still dating? If there is even a slim chance that he doesn't actually hate me, I don't want to do anything that could hurt him. If we broke up and he still had feelings, then it might be really hard for him to be happy. I don't mind being sad and frustrated if it means he doesn't. I have to do whatever is best for Kaoru. He's… he's all I care about." The now non-couple smiled and hugged before walking back to the small apartment to wait for Imiki's arrival. It was rather late when the long black limo pulled up outside and with a few last encouraging words the orange haired teen climbed inside and texted his twin to let him know he was on his way.

Meanwhile, at the Ootori residence, a second ginger boy sat comfortably on a luxurious sofa calmly debating the merits of business school versus design school with his older onyx eyed friend. The mood began to change as the elder of the two decided it was time to address his companion's unspoken problem. "So Kaoru, tell me. How long do you plan on hiding from your brother?" The question was simple and direct leaving no doubt that a false response would not be received well. The taller teen waited patiently as the other stumbled over several attempts to answer while failing to form any actual words. "Breath. It's clear that something has transpired between the two of you over recent months and while there is no longer a Host Club I still think of you all as my family. If there is something I can do to help you then I would appreciate the opportunity."

A blush tinted the ginger boy's face as he thought about his former sempi's statement. The first words to leave his lips were nothing more than an expression of gratitude. "Thank you." After weeks of pretending to be happy and slowly losing the only close bond he had ever known the thought of someone showing him selfless concern was a bit overwhelming. "Has it been that obvious?" A nod confirmed the seemingly obvious answer. "Believe it or not we've been fighting. Isn't that strange?" No longer able, or perhaps willing, to hold the piercing ebony gaze the younger turned away to fumble nervously with his fingers before continuing. "Ready for the truly wacky? It's entirely my fault. I…" His voice grew soft until it completely faded. His will and seemingly his ability to speak completely abandoned him.

Long slender fingers encompassed his own and waited for his courage to return. "I… I like… no I think I love… somebody I shouldn't. Because of that I need space from hike, so I've started fighting over everything. Doesn't that more like something he would do?" A small, sad hollow laugh erupted and almost startled the raven haired boy… almost. "I think we've traded roles; he's the soft yet sensitive twin and I'm the hot headed irrational one. Whatever would the fan girls think of us now? They would be most disappointed. Renege might come all the way back to Japan just to lecture us from that rising platform of hers." Wiping the un-shed tears from his eyes the nearly distraught sibling braved a small smile for his friend only to see a similar one waiting for him. '_I'm glad I've gotten to know Kyoya over this last month. He seems so different from how he was when he was in high school. He's so… warm? I wonder if I could come to have feelings for him the way Hikaru has for Haruh._' A sudden realization stuck him like lightning as his thoughts conclude and forced their way out of his mouth before he could register what was happening. "I'm glad Hikaru and Haruhi found each other, but I've never been alone. I'm scared Kyoya."

His eyes closed as more tears formed and overwhelmed him. A small smile curled the corners of his mouth, but before he could recover a gentle hand tilted his chin up causing an instinctive blush to spread across his pale cheeks for the second time that evening. It took only seconds for his muddled brain to register that those fingers were not the ones he was most familiar with signaling his eyes to snap open just quickly enough to see his willing confidant close the gap between the two and press his cold thin lips against Kaoru's. After he was able to grasp the situation he pushed the elder boy away as kindly as he could while giving him a questioning look. "You truly have become the less observant one haven't you? I know you are never going to tell anyone who it is that you have these feelings for, though I might wager that a simple phone call could discern the information quite easily. I also know what that particular feeling of loneliness is like as you struggle to move past an infatuation that will likely never be returned. I am offering to help… both of us. Nothing more, nothing less."

The two moved slightly away from one another and sat quietly as each considered the implications of their situation. After a lengthy pause a small voice was barely heard over the palpable tension. "Ok." The former shadow king pulled the much smaller teen into his lap and smiled as though he had just been declared his father's heir.

"I will be a tool for your use until you are able to move on and you will do the same for me." It sounded more like a business contract than an agreement between friends to the younger boy. '_I will be your Hikaru and you will be my Tamaki._'

"Do I need to sign something now?" The lighthearted and half serious comment was just what they needed to get comfortable again as another tentative and experimental kiss began. '_I love you Hikaru. This is what I need, right? Brother…_' Just as the two had begun to fully relax and even enjoy their activity the oversized door to the equally oversized bedroom opened to reveal a second golden eyed red head.

Blind seething rage. That's all Hikaru could feel as he witnessed his twin, his brother, the boy he loved being molested by the ever cold Shadow King. His face flushed a bright red in part due to the compromising situation he found his other half in and part from pure anger at said scene. His brain fought to form words, but all his body wanted to do was rip the other ginger from the older boy's evil claws and pummel Kyoya into a simpering mess that could only be identified by dental records. The two had not noticed his intrusion and so unknowingly continued to further enrage him as he stood transfixed in the doorway. Though it was merely a matter of seconds before his body responded to his commands it felt like years. In a walk that could have easily been mistaken for a death march the older twin approached the *ahem* couple, and pulled his brother by the arm out of the other boy's lap so that he stood on the floor.

"What the hell Hikaru? What are you doing? You were supposed to text me when you were on your way! Let go, I haven't said goodbye to Kyo…" Kaoru's voice was silenced by a truly harsh glare from his twin as he was dragged down the impossibly long hall and out to their waiting car. Once inside the younger reached for his phone and began to press buttons when it was rather rudely snatched from his fingers and thrown across the interior of the car. "What's with you? That was rude, even for you!"

Hikaru glared at his twin as he raised the privacy screen before speaking the first words since retrieving his mirror image from the horror that would surely be plaguing his subconscious for the rest of his life. "What am I doing? What are YOU doing locking lips with that megalomaniac?" Grabbing his shaken counterpart by the wrist so that there was no escape, he did everything within his power to hold back the tears stinging the back of his eyes.

"So you're a member of the Spanish Inquisition now? What do you care what I do anyway? You have Haruhi and I… I have… I have Kyoya." Sticking out his tongue like the child he felt like inside the younger struggled to break the elder teen's vice-like grip.

"If you're jealous of Haruhi then you should get your own girlfriend, I told you that new girl…" His thought was cut short by something that he never would have imagined happening in a thousand years; Kaoru slapped him. Dropping his assailant's wrist to clutch his now stinging flesh, Hikaru's jaw dropped in complete and utter shock. "You hit me? You fucking HIT me!"

"You decided I needed a GIRL. I didn't." His voice practically dripped with venom as he crossed his arms and turned away from his still stunned mirror. "I'm not into girls which you would know if you didn't spend all your time making out with one." Those were the last words spoken between the Hitachiin twins for the next month. A very long, very uncomfortable month. The older boy continued to see Haurhi though the platonic nature of their relationship was withheld from everyone beyond Ranka. The younger spent the majority of his free time rotating between Hani, and Mori, Tamaki and Kyoya. Whenever he chose to spend time alone with the third Ootori son there was inevitably some reason, expressed by Hikaru, to come home early. A fact that went unnoticed by the youngest member of the former Host Club but not his companion.

The group's fearless albeit clueless leader was hurriedly making preparations for everyone to visit the Chubu Sangaku National Park in Toyama. The scattered blonde had decided to follow his friend's suggestion from weeks earlier in hopes of bringing his 'family' back together. Some agreed to the out of season camping trip gladly while others would need to be dragged. Hani was enthusiastic to sleep in a cabin for the first time and naturally he would share with Mori. Haruhi would have her own private cabin upon arrival as per a very specific father's request. Tamaki and Kyoya would share accommodations and the final rental would go to the Hitachiin siblings. It was to be a four day trip taking advantage of a rare long school break for both Ouran High and the University. All seven members of the odd makeshift family shared a luxury travel bus for several hours playing commoners games at the insistence of their King and talking in smaller groups.

Though it was never a topic broached by the group, out of consideration for the strained brothers, the tension between Hikaru and Kaoru made everyone feel a bit on edge. '_I wonder how they will manage to share a cabin_.' It was a common thought shared by all and voiced by none barring heavily loaded stares and eye rolls. Once they arrived at the park and had successfully attracted the attention of any and all visitors to the area, they each made their way towards separate cabins. Most were intended to be double occupancy style with a sitting room, a kitchen, a large full bath, and two separate bedrooms. At least that's what they were supposed to be like.

Haruhi's cabin was single and much smaller than the others with only a twin bed that doubled as a couch, a kitchenette, and a small washroom. Seeing as she would be the only one staying in the cabin she saw no point in complaining. Mori, Hani, Tamki, and Kyoya found their two cabins to be exactly what they expected. The problem came in the form of one queen sized bed found in a couple's cabin that was assigned to the feuding Hitachiins. Had the trip taken place just three months prior there would have been no cause for concern having the boys share a bed, but considering the current state of their relationship it seemed a recipe for disaster. After an hour of everybody settling in and Kaoru pouting on the couch after refusing to enter the single bedroom, the seven friends managed to build a camp fire from scratch. Using a pre-purchased outdoor self-lighting, automatic fire pit… obviously.

Tono and Hani attempted to tell scary stories that ended up frightening only themselves. Mori watched his cousin with a slight smile on his lips as he 'maintained' the fire with the occasional push of a button. Kyoya and Kaoru sat side by side talking about whatever topic popped to mind. Hikaru sat by Haruhi seemingly on the edge of tears, but succeeding well enough at concealing them from at least the remainder of the group. "You're off your rocker if you still think he feels the same as me. Look at him over there flirting with… Kyoya." A chill ran down the elder ginger's spine at the thought of his brother together with the shadow king. "You know he won't even look me in the eye anymore? I think I really have lost my brother. I shouldn't have snapped at him that night. I should be happy that he found somebody he seems to care for, even if it IS the prince of darkness. Wait, isn't that Nekozawa?"

His brown eyed companion giggled at the sudden spark of what she called 'the old Hikaru' before lightly smacking him on the back of his head and speaking. "Baka. Can't you see what he's doing over there? He may be talking to Kyoya but he's watching you and Kyoya's eyes are elsewhere too. Talk to him!"

"How? What do I even say?"

"You know how you're always saying that the two of you have traded 'types'?" The ginger teen nodded with a confused expression. He had no idea what his faux girlfriend was getting at; this IS Hikaru were talking about here. "Think about how you used to feel. If you were him what would he need to do to get you to listen?"

His answer came automatically and without thought. "He'd have to pin me down so I had no choice but to listen and hold me there until I stopped fighting." His eyes never left his hands as he spoke without realizing it.

"Then that's what you need to do, and presently. Before that bridge really does burn down and you lose each other for real." Standing, the seemingly zen-like girl announced her good nights and made for her cabin.

"Daddy will walk his little girl to the door!" Leaping up from his place by a now sleeping Hani, the resident prince led the group's only female member casually by the arm all the way to her door. A sly smile found its way over several faces as they watched the pair make their exit before Mori lifted his cousin and disappeared towards a second cabin after a small bow. Trusting himself to only make things worse Hikaru chose to leave the fire and head back without a word towards the remaining two.

"See, I told you! He hates me now. I had hoped that forcing us apart would let us still be brothers, but this… I don't know if I can take this anymore!" Tears filled Kaoru's eyes as he spoke while his mostly silent friend offered quiet reassurance. "I'm sorry; we spent the whole night talking about my stupid problem. You didn't even get a chance to tell me about your big news. Did you want to wait until morning so you can tell everybody together?" Long gentle fingers wiped a spilled tear from his cheek before his answer was voiced.

"No, I do not think I would like the others to know this. Not at this time at least. It will become common knowledge soon enough, but I should like to maintain my privacy for a bit longer if it is possible."

"Then why tell me?" The two boys had become very close of the last few months and despite their agreement to 'use' each other as replacements neither found themselves able to follow through. Their shared evenings were spent discussing business and the third Ootori's plans for painting outside the frame assigned to him. This would not be the first secret Kaoru would be asked to keep for his onyx eyed friend. Just last week he was accepted to an elite medical school in Tokyo and not even his father was aware of his plans to become a doctor rather than take over the bookkeeping for the family business.

"Because you are my friend and you might be the only one who could understand my decision to do this." Leaning back slightly and looking up at the stars a softness that the younger boy could have sworn was almost despair took over Kyoya's voice. "I have conceded to my father's request to select for me a wife. Her name is Umeko and I'm told she is quite lovely. She attends a private business school in Hokkaido and has all the best breeding. I'm also told that she is quite the conversationalist so the match should be quite appropriate for my plans. She will be more than well taken care of as well as capable of filling her own time appropriately. I'm quite fortunate don't you think?" As he questioned his friend the smile he wore seemed empty. The cold and distant shadow king was making a comeback.

"NO! How could you do that to yourself!" Standing in outrage Kaoru felt his pulse race at the shocking news. '_I know you love Tono and I know he's straight, but that doesn't mean you have to reside yourself to being in a miai with a girl you've never even met. This can't be what you truly want_.' Staring at the fake smile plastered across the taller boy's face broke his heart. "How long have you been considering this?"

"A year. I know that you won't agree with…"

"Damn straight I don't agree with this!"

"… but it is MY decision. Regardless of my choice in professions and irrelevant of the distance I put between myself and my brothers I will always be an Ootori. I was a fool if I ever even for a moment thought I could have THAT kind of relationship without hurting my family and all those associated with me. This is best. This is my choice. I do not ask that you agree with me. I ask that you remain my friend and stand by me." He was a bit shocked when an unexpected hug threatened to squeeze the very oxygen from his lungs, but the clear concern from his friend was more than all the reassurance he needed.

After a few more kind words and an unnecessary request for discretion, Kaoru and Kyoya parted ways to join their cabin mates for the evening. '_I should just sleep on the couch. I think I'll take an aching back over trying to sleep anywhere near him_.' The ginger teen's hands shook as he griped the small handle and opened the door leading into his shared accommodations. He expected to find his brother sleeping soundly in the bedroom, but instead Hikaru sat on the couch typing at breakneck speed on his blue laptop. '_I wonder what he's doing. He doesn't have any homework or reports due and that's way too long to be an e-mail. It's funny that he spends so much time angry with Kyoya for looking shifty with his notebooks when over the last few weeks he's started to become one with his computer._' The observant twin wasn't wrong.

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**A/N: Please R&R. Constructive criticism welcome and encouraged! **


	9. Crossing the Line

**Amaylee - **I do have a little trouble writing Hani and Mori but they will have a bigger roll later on. As far as Tamaki goes I completely agree with you, he is the one character I just cant' seem to get though he too will have a bigger roll later. I just hope it turns out good... we'll see.**  
**

**A/N: I do not own Ouran High School Host Club or its characters.**

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Chapter 9: Crossing the Line

Ever since the night of his confession to his now name-only girlfriend Hikaru had begun typing more and more to express his emotions before he was unable to keep from screaming them. It was almost funny to him how the teachers were always criticizing him for being lazy when it came to his studies and yet over the last four weeks he ascertained via a quick search that he had written enough to fill a small library. He wrote raw thoughts in his diary hidden in a file marked 'music'. He wrote letters confessing his every thought and fantasy to his innocent little brother in a file marked 'designs'. There was even a password protected file marked 'X' filled with thoughts he couldn't even bring himself to tell Haruhi. He was so caught up in the letter he was composing that he missed the subject of said document steadily growing closer. Kaoru was overcome with curiosity and he approached his twin from behind in hopes of ascertaining the topic of Hikaru's composition. The younger boy was able to make out that it was a letter addressed to him before the glossy blue screen snapped shut.

He jumped in surprise as the seated version of himself began to rise and stretch. Forcing down a blush the younger teen crossed his arms and assumed a mask of indifference as his eyes took in their feast. '_It's the middle of winter and we're in the mountains, you'd think he could wear a shirt for once instead of parading around half naked flaunting himself at me. Thanks a lot brother._'

"Didn't hear you come in. I'm gonna take a shower, then we can flip for the bed or you can just take it. Whatever." The older twin retrieved his night pants and disappeared behind the thick oak door into the washroom.

Curiosity grew by an indescribable factor as the younger stay on the couch waiting to see which of them would take the bed for the night. '_I'm not a fragile maiden or a delicate princess. Why would I automatically get the bed? Damn, even when he's being his old overbearing self he still manages to make my heart race_.' Sitting down on the couch, he flipped open the laptop and stared at the log in screen. '_We never used to lock our computers so I guess whatever's in here is something he definitely doesn't want me to see, but what could that be?_' He tried several likely suspects before he accepted defeat: Haruhi, blue, Ouran, Hikaru, host club, Tono, I hate Kaoru. The last entry was simply to alleviate stress thought he half expected it to work.

Just as he finished resetting the login for one more attempt the door to the washroom swung open. With the stealth and swiftness of a ninja Kaoru closed the screen and began examining the contents of his phone. "I was thinking Kao, could we talk?" Sitting down next to his brother the older ginger spoke without looking his twin in the eye. '_I love you. I love you more than I should. I know you use to feel something for me, but do you hate me now?_' As his thoughts began to whip themselves into a frenzy his courage abandoned him. "Why don't we just share the bed? It's big enough that we would each have plenty of space and this couch is terribly uncomfortable."

"Not on your life." The younger teen had intended to sound cruel, but it truly was not part of his nature. His voice came across as cold and emotionless which actually hurt his tormented brother more than he could have ever known. '_I would give anything to sleep in your arms again Hika, but I don't trust myself with you. I had hoped that pushing you away would force an end to these shameful thoughts, but it seems I was wrong. All this distance only makes me want you more. You are like heroin and I am an addict. If I can just survive the withdraw symptoms, then it will all be alright. Big IF._' A stone like expression, that might have impressed the heir to the Morinozuka clan, adorned his face as his thoughts raced.

As the younger stood to escape his siblings unbearably close proximity he felt himself fall against the too hard cushions of the obviously new couch. "What th…" His words choked in his throat and his eyes grew three times in size as they filled with the sight of his mirror image now intimately close to his face.

The dominant twin held the submissive boy's wrists tight as he dared even closer. "Why do you hate me so much? Is it because I started dating Haruhi? You swore you weren't into her, you said you were only interested in guys so what the fuck is your problem?" Even as his voice echoed with rage, his heart began to beat so fast he was sure it would fail at any moment. His face burned red from a mix of anger, hurt and desire. "We agreed to give each other space. Space dammit! That means separate rooms and maybe a few separate friends. Not treating one another like strangers with leprosy!" The rage in his voice began to crack as tears filled his golden eyes.

Looking up at his brother's broken expression was the last straw for the trapped teen. He couldn't take hurting the one he loved so much a second longer. "I don't hate you Hikaru. How could I?" Shock filled the boy on top as a few drops of salty water rolled down his cheeks betraying his will to hold them in place.

Sitting back on his heels and releasing his sibling from a too firm grip the stunned ginger tilted his head like a confused puppy but far far cuter in the other's mind. "Then why…"

"I can't explain. Maybe one day I will, but not now. For now just understand that this has been just as difficult for me if not more. It's not something I WANTED to do, but rather something I thought I NEEDED to. Do you understand what I'm trying to say?" A pregnant pause followed the earnest question until the still supine sibling spoke again. "You might not be entirely wrong about this couch so if it's still an option I'd like to take you up on your offer to share the bed. I have one request though."

"Anything."

"Just make sure you stay on your own side, ok?" The first genuine smile in weeks grew on Hikaru's pleased face as he eagerly agreed and the pair made their way into the bedroom. After retrieving his own night clothes and showering the younger teen joined his brother in bed for the first time in what had felt like a lifetime. '_It will be nice to not need those damn pills for once_.' They lay facing away from each other wrapped in cashmere blankets and gazed out apposing windows. "Good night Hikaru... I've missed you."

"I've missed you too Kaoru. Good night." This simple act, though not as warm as it might have been a year ago, was enough to sincerely please both twins as darkness swallowed them. Soon they were each able to sleep without any medicinal aid… for a while.

It was around three in the morning when the younger Hitachiin found himself unable to tear his eyes away from his brother's body. He had thrashed around for almost an hour now struggling to suppress his arousal at waking up encircled in Hikaru's strong arms. '_You promised to stay on your side, you ass_.' He was certain his twin was still happily asleep and though he didn't want to wake his other half he couldn't help himself any longer. Months, more than he could even recall at this point, worth of pent up desire began to spill out of him as his brain suddenly seemed to be on holiday. He moved a few strands of hair from his brother's face and kissed him delicately. As he leaned back, he saw golden eyes tinted with a craving he recognized from his own reflection staring into his very soul.

In a flash the younger's eyes slammed shut as the elder's body began to move of its own accord before his brain was able to register his own actions. Lips. Lips were pressed against him in a heated almost needy kiss. Hands. Hands cupped his cheeks the way a lover's would. His own lips pushed back against the other pair like interlocking puzzle pieces as his hands found their way to the back of the other's shoulders. Moments later the kiss was broken and both brothers were panting, desperate for oxygen. Hikaru kept his hands on Kaoru's face as their lungs burned, lips hovering only a breath away from the ones he found so desirable.

Without thinking and blinded by a sudden surge of almost uncontrollable lust the younger of the two demanded everything his brother was willing to give. Soon the pair found themselves flat on the bed; Kaoru on his back, Hikaru looming over him. Lips and tongues pushed, pulled, and sucked eagerly as hands began to roam freely. Before too long they found themselves clad in nothing but thin fabric concealing only their most intimate parts with necks, shoulders, and clavicles covered in red and purple marks. Several heated minutes passed as the two bodies became a pile of tangled limbs. Both mentally begged the other to stop them with every delicious kiss and electrifying caress; neither was able or willing to put an end to what they had started. Eager mouths found their ways down identical chests tracing slight muscles while nimble fingers danced at the hems of designer boxers, each daring the other to go further yet both fearful that the other just might.

Equal parts lust and trepidation kept the brothers in a stalemate. Both desperate for more and genuinely terrified they might have already gone too far. As wordless moans became declarations of names the blurring line between what they wanted to do and what they needed to do began to become clear again. It was the elder boy who spoke first, breaking the tension that had been building for almost an hour now. "Kao…" With a final soft kiss Hikaru held his twin's face gently and rested their foreheads together. "… We… enough. If we keep going…"

"… we'll go too far and break the barrier completely?" Kaoru spoke so softly that his brother had to strain to hear his words, even in their close proximity. Closing his eyes and covering his hands over the others, he smiled and kissed his older twin chastely on the lips. "This never happened. You keep dating Harihi and I'll stay with Kyoya, ok?" Neither boy was fully aware of the lies and hurt concealed within such a seemingly simple question.

"How can we not? I'm…" -H

"… sorry doesn't seem right. I'm not even sure…" -K

"… who started it? I did pin you to the bed Kaoru. It's only…" -H

"… I took it too far. I was just trying to…" -K

"… be close again? Maybe what we need…" -H

"… are new rules. Ones with…" -K

"… clear boundaries. Where…" -H

"… we don't cross the line even for a joke. But does that…" -K

"… mean we won't be us anymore? Will we be…" -H

"… two separate whole people rather than two halves of the same whole? It's…" -K

"… terrifying. But maybe it's what we need. We will grow separate, and yet remain close. Besides…" -H

"… do we really even have a choice? We will both need to get married and have kids eventually. It's not like…" -K

"… we could ever really be like this anyway. We can't avoid it. We're…" -H

"… always going to be in the spotlight. And no one would overlook a relationship like that, even in our station. It's only…" –K

"… hormones after all, right? They're making us go crazy, so it's not like…" –H

"… we're in love with each other or anything." -K

'_I don't want to lie anymore._ _I'm in love with you Hika. I have been since before I can remember and you will never know. I will never taint you with that. Kyoya's right, it would only destroy us both_.' The two kept their eyes trained on each other as they completed their Ping-Pong conversation. Both found themselves frightened not only by the prospect of losing his bond with his brother, the only other person that has always been there, but also by their daunting future. They were the heirs to the Hitachiin Group and that privilege would come with a high cost.

Hikaru would one day inherit the position of the company's head and Kaoru would be at his side. They would both be expected to marry, probably some strategically chosen women their mother deemed appropriate, and live separate lives as family men and business partners. Nothing about most of what they knew lay ahead was what they would describe as appealing, but the best they could do for themselves now would be to avoid unnecessary complications by stopping this… thing… before it went any further.

Emotions neither wanted to experience nor acknowledge flashed through both their faces; anger, love, confusion, frustration… lust. Gathering his wits and taking courage from his talk with Haruhi the elder sibling braved soft words and began to expel his confession. "You know how you used to have a lot of; let's call them happy dreams… about me?"

Kaoru was taken completely by surprise and an expression of total shock and slight fear contorted his beautiful features as the other's words reached his ears. "How… how did you know about those? How long have you known?"

The older teen took the younger's hand gently before explaining everything he knew about Kaoru's dreams and even admitted to his own shameful habit of using them to fuel his sessions of self-pleasure. "So I thought that if we both got girlfriends then we would grow out of this… phase. I figure it's all about hormones anyway so that's why I asked Haruhi out. It's not like I hadn't noticed her flirting with me, it just didn't really ever interest me before." He failed to mention that said girl was now aware of his true feelings. He also left out that his own dreams had grown to more reflect his fantasies rather than fears. He lacked bravery enough to tell his brother that he was no longer convinced the situation was merely lust brought on my uncontrolled natural chemical releases. '_I know I'm in love with you, but you're in love with Kyoya now so it's better you never know the truth._'

"Maybe your right. Even though I've tried to stop I'm still taking those sleeping pills every night. Whenever I try not to, I dream about… us." Rubbing his temple firmly the prostrate twin closed his eyes. "What a night, huh? Why don't I go out to the couch and we can talk more in the morning… if you'd like." Moving to exit the bed Kaoru was suddenly pulled back down by his twin's instant hands.

"The damage is already done so stay here, I think we could use some serious rest and truthfully…" Hikaru smiled as he took his brother's hand in his own and kissed them gently. "… I really have missed you."

Blush began to creep across both faces as they moved to embrace each other in a way that had always come naturally to them. "What if I have one of those dreams? Won't my sleep talking make things harder on you… no pun intended?"

Both managed a short laugh, relieved that the tension was finally broken and hopeful that they could begin to regain their bond. "I can just put on my headphones and that should take care of it. You can't control what your mind does when you're asleep, but I CAN control what I do when I hear you." With that decided the boys crawled under the covers and interlocked their fingers as they had done since they were children and soon blissful sleep again took hold of both.

In the morning the brothers shocked their friends upon joining the group at the designated time walking hand in hand. "YAY! Koa-Chan and Hika-Chan made up!" The freakishly strong blonde jumped up and down like the child he appeared to be, filled with heart felt joy at seeing the siblings had resolved their unknown issues. "Does this mean everything is gonna go back to normal now Takashi?" Looking down to pat his cousin on the head an ever stoic Mori smiled and nodded.

"Is everything… ok?" Haruhi spoke softly as she placed a caring hand on the elder ginger's shoulder. The pleasant expression on his face gave her hope that her friend had finally confided his true feelings to the one he loved. She would later learn that this was not the case, but for now the illusion that the deed was done brought her great joy. For the remainder of the trip the 'little devils' were back in action both with their friends and with each other.

When the group took part in exploring the park or roasting marshmallows, much to Hani's delight, the twins played pranks and toyed with Tono as if the last two months had never happened. Once night fell and all had retired to their cabins the boundaries between brothers and something more were being slowly chipped away. Despite what they knew and in stark contrast to the conversation they had shared on their first night when they found themselves alone in the masking dark of their shared bed inhibitions were dropped while animalistic needs took control.

Lips became swollen, almost raw, from desperate kisses while aching members suffocated in silk boxers. They allowed themselves the pleasure of friction and exploring tongues, but agreed that anything beyond the seductive skin of identical hips was off limits. Delicate if not stiffening fabric remained in place and yet allowed for enough contact to bring each to his end. They spoke each morning as they awoke entangled in one another pledging that last night would be exactly that, the last. They both agreed… until they were surrounded by darkness and reason was lost once more. On the morning of the trip's last day they had one final serious talk.

"This must stay here. We cannot take this behavior home. We will remain together and yet separate. You with whomever you choose, be it Haruhi or someone else, and I shall have Kyoya or anyone who catches my eye. Agreed?" Kaoru's voice was sullen as he stared at the half packed satchel in his hands. He didn't want to leave. He would have given anything to stay here with his secret love forever, but he knew it had to end. The two only sons of a very respectable international company would not go unmissed. His raven haired friend's words from the first night rang in his ears as he waited for his brother's reply. '_I was a fool if I ever even for a moment thought I could have THAT kind of relationship without hurting my family and all those associated with me. This is best. This is my choice._' He still did not agree with Kyoya's decision, but he did now understand it a little better. '_So I guess this is what they mean when they say: never taste forbidden fruit._'

"We don't really have a choice do we? At least we got a lot of this out of our systems so maybe everything will go back to normal on its own." Hikaru's smile was full and his voice had a note of happiness that did not match his internal monologue. '_Or ill just pine over never being able to tell you that I love you or ever be with you for the rest of my life and die alone because you left me behind. Whichever_.'

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**A/N: Please R&R. Constructive criticism welcome and encouraged! **


	10. Fantasies

**FreakForAnime - **I'm glad you liked the last chapter so much, and thank you for the rather amusing mental image.

**A/N: I do not own Ouran High School Host Club or its characters. **Warning:** LEMON **ahead!

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Chapter 9.5: Fantasies 

As the Hitachiin twins lay in the cabin's shared bed both had a rather difficult time drifting off as each was filled with a mix of anxiety and adrenaline. After a few hours of staring into the void of the darkened room past his motionless brother's head, Kaoru finally found sleep. Hikaru on the other hand was not quite so fortunate. After listening to the soft sounds of the younger's peaceful snoring, the elder boy shifted in the bed a he reached to grab his phone from the side table. With the stealth of a jungle cat or a well-seasoned ninja, he selected the camera function and took a picture of the vixen next to him. Smiling at the digital image he scrolled through the other photos he had taken of his other half secretly over the last few weeks.

The memory was filled with candid shots of the softer boy talking with classmates, napping in the car, even walking through the garden. A sad smile grew on the older ginger's lips as he browsed his collection. '_What am I doing? This is in no way helpful to our situation, it's only making it harder for me. I need to delete these; it's not like I don't know what he looks like. I don't need a picture to remember how beautiful his face is_.' Fingers danced over the virtual buttons deleting one image after another until they came to the newest in the collection. '_Maybe just one wouldn't hurt._' Using the light from the small device Hikaru carefully removed himself from the bedroom. As quietly as he was able the conscious boy left through the back door and sat on the ground looking up at the stars.

Unknown to the elder twin his absence from the bed did not go unnoticed by his copy. After blinking a few times Kaoru's eyes quickly adjusted to the darkness and it didn't take him long to deduce where his sibling had gone. Hikaru always went outside into the gardens at home when he need to think so the idea that he and gone to star gaze seemed likely. Both had ended up lying in bed in not but their designer briefs and as the younger made his way towards the back door in search of the other he decided not to bother with covering up. After all, it wasn't like he needed to be modest for the boy he often showered with. Opening the door, he looked out towards the thick cluster of forest and quickly spotted a shock of bright orange hair tilted up towards the sky.

The elder brother was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't notice his solitude had been intruded upon until a pair of delicate yet chilled hands covered his eyes from behind. "AHH…" A small utterance escaped his lips at the shock of both the cold contact and the sudden presence. "Damn Kaoru you startled me!" Playfully he turned to swat at the other's arm as the younger moved to sit.

"So, what's got you so worried? And don't say something like 'I'm not' or 'don't worry about it' or anything like that. I know you too well to be brushed off like that. Talk to me. Not talking got us into the mess we're in now so no holding back, okay?" Scooting up close to his brother Kaoru took one of Hikaru's hands in his and brought it to his lips. Closing his eyes, he placed a soft kiss on the delicate skin unintentionally sending chills up the owner's spine.

It took the now mesmerized older boy a few moments to gather his thoughts in a vain attempt to answer the inquiry but found that his voice would not cooperate. He couldn't tear his eyes away from his twin's lips as they moved from his hand and parted slightly. Unconsciously, Hikaru licked his own lips at the tantalizing sight in front of him. He opened his mouth to speak but again found that his voice was unwilling to obey his commands. Still captivated by the lips that had shaken his very core only moments ago, he failed to notice that the distance between his mouth and the object of his fascination was beginning to close.

A sly look over took the younger boy's features as he shifted his position without taking his eyes off his new target. Kaoru positioned himself to straddle his brother as he took the still silent boys face in his hands. Leaning down, he sealed them together in a kiss that could have melted all the candles in Japan. He could feel submission fill his twin as he pushed just enough to force his sibling to lay back. Having no barriers between them save the thin fabric of high priced under garments only heightened both their senses as slight friction began to become apparent between matching pelvises.

Rational thought vanished from both their minds as hands began tracing all over each body and blindly grappling with the elastic bands of obstinate briefs. Soon both lay pressed together desperately trying to devour one another completely exposed to the brisk night air. When Kaoru's hand moved to grip the solid organ next to his own a low and somewhat animalistic growl escaped his partner's lips. Encouraged, he began to stroke it at a teasingly slow pace before releasing it all together and smiling. A whimper became a gasp as the same fingers began to probe the hidden entrance just below the erection he had been previously tormenting.

He forced one slender digit in and began to pump into the writhing body beneath him. Soon more fingers joined in as the tight ring of muscle became stretched. Gradually the look of discomfort on Hikaru's face twisted into one of pleasure. Moments later and without warning the bottom brother suddenly sat up forcing Kaoru onto his back. Before he was able to protest the younger shuddered at the sensation of something warm and wet encompassing his own stiffened member. Instantly he locked his fingers into the mass of bobbing hair while the feel of his brother's mouth surrounding him and sucking turned his bones to jelly.

They could both feel the impending release building inside Kaoru, but before completion could be reached Hikaru pulled away and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. The look in his eye could have seduced the most devoted monk into sin… Kaoru didn't stand a chance. Lunging at the minx on top of him, the younger quickly flipped his twin onto his hands and knees, gripped him by the waist, and entered him fully. Both boys gasped at the sudden feeling as all movement froze.

The only sounds were those of the oblivious nightly insects and heavy breathing. Soon both began to move as Kaoru claimed his brother's body. The pace gradually picked up speed and before long each was spilling his essence with a cry of the other's name on their lips.

Kaoru sat up with a gasp. Breathing erratically he gripped his chest in an effort to calm his raging pulse. When he was able to obtain the necessary amount of oxygen he turned to where his brother had been lying earlier that evening only to find the bed empty. Looking around, he found the cabin empty and cautiously moved a curtain to peer into the back towards the forest and confirm his suspicions. Sure enough, there sat his twin staring up at the stars lost in thought. A warm flush filled his cheeks as Kaoru looked down at the twitching bulge in his briefs. '_Pants, I need to put on some pants… and take care of this before he comes back in. That was one hell of a dream. That was the first time I ever thought about being the seme… I think I really liked it._'

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**A/N: Please R&R. Constructive criticism welcome and encouraged! **


	11. One More Lie

**n2a0d0i0a - **Thanks! I almost never see fics with Kaoru as seme so I thought it might be a nice change, glad to see I'm not alone.

**Lady Of Light** & **abbytemple** - Thanks, and don't worry there will be several more chapters.

**Unknown GUEST** - It was rather evil wasn't it? Tehehehe

**ALIT** - Sorry but I don't understand what you ment.

**A****/N: I do not own Ouran High School Host Club or its characters.**

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Chapter 10: One More Lie 

Two months. It had been two months since the former Ouran Host Club had visited Toyama and the twins had discovered that their physical attraction to one another was mutual. Neither had any clue the other was also in love and the knowledge the taboo attraction they felt was making life in the Hitachiin manor rather tricky for the brothers. Temptation needed to be avoided at all costs without raising suspicions amongst the various maids and butlers. At first the simple fact that the boys were speaking and interaction so much like they always had greatly pleased all members of the household, staff and parents included. Everyone was nothing if not relieved. However, as the end of High School approached subtle nuances of the twin's behavior began to stick out.

They sat on opposite sides of the dining table, not side by side. They walked next to one another in the hallways and gardens, not hand in hand or with arms slung over shoulders. Separate bedrooms were maintained and the two were never known to be behind a closed door alone. Even when studying together in the library they kept the doors fully open as they worked at separate desks, not the large shared one they had always used in that room. Only the twin maids knew that neither boy had as much as set foot in the other's room since the camping trip. Most assumed it was a natural separation taking place at the appropriate time. Those closest to the pair held a different theory.

Whispers between Imiki, the twin maids, and the chef concluded that something happened behind closed doors in those mountains. Their wildest speculations never even came close to the real truth. Based on the twin's behavior before and after the holiday the groups of employees concluded that they had experienced a serious fight and now avoided being alone to prevent a repeat episode. The well-meaning and concerned employees were also not in possession of all the facts regarding the boy's proximity to one another outside of their home.

The two brothers had agreed not to be alone together at home in the event that they had what they called 'a behavioral relapse' but at school they felt oddly free to indulge in their secret tryst safely knowing that at least here, they couldn't possibly break the last remaining barrier between them. There was the occasional rendezvous in the washroom at the end of the club hall, an afternoon here and there spent in the seclusion of the closet of music room number three, and several stolen moments on abandoned fire escapes. Some meetings were simply a few caresses of lips to fuel the rest of an otherwise arduous day while others left them unable to rejoin the other students until they were better able to conceal certain tell tail signs of their activities.

As the months passed the reality that they need to make a clean break of this confusing situation began to dawn on the pair as they attempted to rob the very oxygen from each other's lungs in the disused storage room that was chosen for today. "What are we doing Hikaru?" Kaoru stood pressed against the oddly clean wall, blazer on the floor and shirt completely open. His words were missed by the other teen in a similar state of dress currently devastating the side of his neck with skilled lips as a hand teased a sensitive pink bud on the pinned brother's chest. A few more blissful moments passed, but as friction began to build between two sets of identical black slacks the younger boy's mind screamed and forced him to stop their pleasurable actions.

Taking his twin's confused face in his hands the gentler teen placed their foreheads together before speaking again. "What are we doing to ourselves? Why do we keep doing this even though we both know it can't happen?" When there was no response he gathered his courage and asked the question to which the answer he was most afraid. "This isn't simply hormones, is it? This is something more and it's going to destroy us if we don't stop it here and now."

The other teen snapped his head up with a look as though someone had just stabbed him in the heart. Hugging his sibling as tightly as his limbs would allow, Hikaru spoke as calmly as he was able while scenes from his seemingly forgotten nightmares flashed through his mind. "No, it's not lust. At least it's not for me because… because I… I love you." A slight grin began to spread across his face as he looked into his brothers golden orbs. '_I said it; I finally said it and I know he feels the same about me. We CAN make this work, somehow. I just know we will!_' Leaning in he placed a gentle kiss on Kaoru's full and pouty lips before speaking once more. "I love you Hitachiin Kaoru and I will not give you up. Not for anyone. We belong together and we will find a way to do it, Haruhi will help if she can and I bet the others would too!" A spark of excitement at his own words shot through the older twin's body as he smiled at his love.

The younger brother, on the other hand, was not smiling. '_I can't believe it… he… he loves me? But I thought it was just lust, some silly phase. If he loves me just as I love him, then this isn't going to just fade away like it should. I'm so weak; I should never have given in to him. I should have stayed distant for both our sakes, but it's far too late for that now. The line was crossed and there's no going back. All we can do from here is build a new barrier and hope for the best. He's not strong enough to walk away from this so I have to do it for the both of us. We have no other choice. I have to hurt him… again, and this time he needs to believe it_.' Taking a deep breath he steadied himself before finding his voice. "No." There was so much more he wanted to say, things he needed to tell his mirror image, but he didn't trust in his own ability to do what he needed to without breaking down completely.

"What do you mean no? You love me and I love you so we belong together, don't we?" A hint of panic crept into the older boy's words as he reached for the now redressing twin's chin. "Look at me Kaoru." The younger teen looked up into the elder's eyes with an empty and cold stare that was reminiscent of complete indifference. "You do love me, don't you?"

Gently the very determined ginger still pinned against the wall removed his sibling's fingers and retrieved his blazer before walking away. Once he reached the door and gripped the ornate gold handle he stopped and addressed his twin without turning to face him. "That's just it; no, I don't love you. It's like I said before; this whole thing is just some kind of hormone driven phase that will pass in time. We agreed that it would end and now you have taken it too far so the time for it to be over is now. I don't want to hurt you and I want to still be close to you, but hear this: never try to kiss me again. Were thru Hikaru, move on." Leaving the room, Kaoru made sure the door closed behind him completely before running full speed down the hallway and as far from his devastated other half as fast as he possibly could.

A stunned orange haired boy sank to the floor as tears streamed down his face and soaking his still open shirt. He was barely able to comprehend the situation he now found himself in. '_I confessed. I finally told him how much he means to me and he… he rejected me. My own twin rejected me! I'm… alone. How? How could he be like this with me for all these weeks and not feel anything more? Was he really just using me? Was I just a release for his sexual tension? I know that we kind of agreed to that when this all started, but I was sure he felt the same as I do. I need to talk to Haruhi, I don't know how I'm supposed to face him now. Does he really think we can just go back to being nothing more than siblings after something like this? What if I can't? What if I won't?_' The longer he thought the more his confusion and hurt turned to anger. After properly adorning his uniform and adjusting his hair the eldest Hitachiin heir made his way towards his waiting car.

"Good afternoon Imiki, has Kaoru arrived yet?" After receiving worried look and a shake of the head from the driver the ginger teen entered the limo before speaking again. "Take me home, my brother will be getting a different ride." The door was closed without further words and moments later it was making its way towards the Hitachiin estate.

Back at Ouran in a washroom that was rumored to be haunted, and therefore seldom used, a blubbering mess that was once known as Kaoru sat hunched over and crying uncontrollably in the corner. After more than an hour he noticed that there were no more sounds emanating from the long hallway outside and concluded that club activities must have finished for the day. After several deep breaths he managed to finally stop the outpouring of tears and got to his feet. He approached one of the porcelain sinks with no small amount of trepidation as to his appearance. Looking into the large polished mirror the image that met his eyes was even worse than he anticipated. It was not the terribly mussed hair or blood shot swollen eyes that caught his now horrified attention, those he was expecting.

Rather, it was the presence of a very large and very discolored mark on the side of his neck just below his jaw; it was a hickey, and a big one. Since the beginning of his taboo tryst with his brother, the younger Hatachiin had become skilled at hiding such marks with clothing and even make-up on a few occasions but this was far more than he had dealt with before. '_How karmic; I lied to my brother about my feelings and now I'm branded with a reminder of that lie that will last for a week at least. I don't think there'll be any coming back this time. I've made a clean break and even though he will be hurt and angry for a time he will eventually move on. So no matter how hard this might be for me, I just have to remember that if I don't do this HE will be the one to suffer in the end as the oldest son._'

Running the cold water through his fingers, he began to splash his face and pat his irritated eyes. '_I need to ask Kyoya if I can stay over at his house for a few days. It's only Tuesday, so hopefully I can stay with him until the break. The storm will have died down by then and I can go home where we can just ignore each other until graduation. Then I'll go with mother over the summer and tell her I want to stay in the dorms instead of getting a place with Hikaru. If it all goes well, maybe I won't have to go live in France after all_.' After drying his face with one of the plush towels the school provided in all washrooms he reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. It was a small orange flip style phone with a blue charm that reminded him of his brother's.

Hikaru's phone was the same type of course; the difference was that it was blue with an orange charm. Or at least it used to be. '_I'm betting that's the first thing he throws out tonight._' Punching in a few keys he texted his request to his raven haired confidant and slowly made his way towards the front of the school. By the time he arrived where he usually found Imiki he had received his reply and sat on the steps to wait for the Ootori limo to arrive and pick him up. '_I'm so glad I've gotten to know Kyoya better this year. I don't know what I would do with myself if I'd been forced to deal with these last few months alone. I probably would have moved by now or left… permanently._'

Before too long the long black car pulled up and a familiar face peeked out from the open rear window. "Nice to see you today Kaoru. Do we need to go by your house to collect anything before heading home?" A smile and a nod were all that was needed as the ginger teen clamored in to sit with his friend before closing the door behind him. "To the Hitachiin residence please." The pale driver with unusually long hair acknowledged the command disguised as a request and began driving. "Would you like to talk now, or shall we save it for later?"

"If you don't mind, could we talk later at your place? He'll probably be home and pissed when we get there and I need to stay calm or it will make things worse." The pleasant smile gracing the younger boy's lips faded as his whole demeanor began to deflate at the thought of facing his twin.

"Kaoru, what did you do?"

"I'll tell you later, just don't sell my organs on the black market while I sleep when you don't like it." It was a joke based on an old and very real fear he shared with his brother the handful of times the Host Club had stayed the night in the Shadow King's presence after causing mischief that had cost money.

"I would never do that to you. There is a clear record of all our calls and a universal understanding of my interest in medicine so I would need to hire an un-associated third party and these kinds of things take time." His smile was crooked making it more or less impossible to read weather or not the comment was sincere. "Would you like me to go in with you, or would that cause further complications?"

At this point both twins knew that neither were actually dating anyone, but even with that knowledge both couldn't help but be jealous of the 'outsider' that had grown to be the other's surrogate sibling. It was consideration of these facts that delayed Kaoru's response to the seemingly simple question. '_I hate that I don't know how he's going to react. Six months ago not knowing each other's thoughts would have been impossible. Have we really grown this far from one another? Will he be furious and lash out at me? Will he be sad and hide? Would he take it out on Kyoya? It's not fair to get him any more involved than I already have. I made this mess and I will clean it up or deal with the consequences. I love you Hika, please understand._' Turning to face his concerned friend his voice was soft and a bit shaky but confidant. "I'll go in alone, you stay here. Our parents aren't home and he's probably sent all the staff home so there won't be any reason to hold back. I don't want to make you part of that, you're doing more than you should already by letting me stay with you."

"It's no bother; after all you are my friend. I will wait for you in the car, but if it seems to be taking too long I will come in after you. Understand?" Both boys nodded and smiled little genuine smiles as they grew closer and closer to their destination.

At the home in question the situation was a bit more severe than the younger brother had speculated. As soon as Hikaru had walked through the large front door, he immediately began to send away all staff while threatening to dismiss any who remained. "I don't want to see anybody face before tomorrow now get the hell out. Don't argue with me! You can go and be paid or stay and be fired. CHOOSE!" Maids and butlers scattered in all directions. The chef quickly prepared a simple meal and left it in the refrigerator for his irate young master. None dare ask what was wrong with the fuming twin nor were any brave enough to inquire as to his brother's whereabouts.

Once he was reasonably sure that all were gone and he was alone, he stormed up to his room as though he was a warlord in pursuit of an enemy. Unceremoniously he opened his secret stash and retrieved a very large, very expensive bottle of high quality Nigori. Without bothering to poor, he ripped the away the cork sealing the milky liquid within and drank down a burning mouthful. Normally he only drank a miniscule amount on occasion when he was anxious, but today was a day he needed to obliterate from his memories. As soon as he was able to stop sputtering and choking from the astringent beverage he took another overly large swig. After repeating the process two more times he found the highly decorative bottle more than half empty.

Sinking to the floor, he dropped the hand painted container spilling most of the remaining Nigori on the floor as he succumbed to his tears for the second time that day. His eyes burned and his throat was raw from the fierce emotions exuding from his limp body. '_He doesn't love me, he never did. Kaoru used me. He used me. My own brother used me! I hate him, I never want to see him again. I… I…_' He couldn't even bring himself to think after two hours as the tears dried up and the alcohol did its job. "Love me Kaoru, please?" He was so caught up in his misery and so sure that the house was empty that he completely missed the sound of the large front doors opening and closing.

As the younger twin cautiously made his way up the stairs, he turned to walk down the hallway leading to his bedroom and froze in place when he heard the desperate soft pleas emanating from his brother's room.

"How could you do this to me? To your own brother? Wasn't it always just us against everybody else? Why did you leave me Kaoru? I love you. I need you. Please…" The desperation in the older boy's voice would have been enough to assure even the greatest skeptic the depth of his feelings. For the eavesdropping twin every word was like a poisoned dagger ripping through his body, leaving behind a scar that would never heal.

'_It's worse than I thought. He'll never forgive me now. I'll stay with Kyoya this week and talk to mother about going to school in France when she gets back. I never wanted to hurt you Hika. I love you more than I will ever let you know and it's all for you. I know you hate me now, but if you understood what this could do to not only us but our family and friends as well you would thank me. Maybe… maybe one day I will be able to tell you, perhaps when you're married and happy with your own little family._' The younger sibling's room was two doors further down the hall past his hysterical brother so the distraught boy would definitely notice his twin's return as Hikaru's door was wide open. Taking a few moments to steady himself first, a determined Kaoru began walking and without even turning his head passed his brother's room and entered his own closing the door behind him.

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**A/N: Please R&R. Constructive criticism welcome and encouraged! **


	12. Breaking Point

**Httydfreakforever, ****abbytemple, ****Lady Of Light**** - **I'm glad you were all 'moved' by the last chapter and I know it's not all butterflies and rainbows but interesting things will seen be happening so bear with it, but it is possible that there may be a few more tears. Hopefully you will think it is worth it though!

**animefollower** - Sorry, I know the slow burn is a bit torturous but I think it will be worth it in the end, but be warned. It will get worse before it gets better but it WILL get better, promise!

**Yarrowvixen - **Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed it.

**A/N: I do not own Ouran High School Host Club or its characters.**

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Chapter 11: Breaking Point 

Kaoru leaned against his now closed door to still his racing heart before gathering the things he would need to get through the next several days. The simple act of being in the house with his brother and then passing in front of his bedroom while he sat broken inside had nearly given the younger Hatachiin an anxiety attack. He didn't even realize when tears began to flow from his golden eyes. He stared transfixed at the ornate rug covering the rich wood floor begging his nerves to obey his commands to move his body. He had almost managed to get himself under control when a powerful force pushed the door he still rested on open, sending him stumbling forward onto all fours. He didn't need to turn to see who had so rudely barged into his room and in truth he didn't want to face the intruder so he spoke without turning. "What do you want? I'll be gone for a few days, I just came back to get a few things and my ride is waiting so hurry up."

Before Kaoru could take more than a few steps towards the large walk-in closet Hikaru had practically launched himself across the room and locked his arms around his twin in a fierce hug. Instantly the younger's hand flew to cover his mouth, stopping an involuntary sob from escaping. The now trapped teen's eyes overflowed immediately as he fought to maintain an air of indifference. Controlling his breath was key, with his brother tightly pressed against his back any unsteadiness in his body would have been easily detected. After a minuet that felt more like ten he pushed himself to speak. He was desperate to escape his the embrace fearing that if he did break free soon he would lose his resolve and ruin both of them forever. "Let go."

Curt words, refusing to look at him, cold and distant body language; combined his brother's actions set the older sibling over the edge of his sanity. Forcibly spinning the younger around, he shoved him with all his might against the wall. When even then Kaoru would not meet his eye, something snapped in his fragile mind. "You can't even look at me. Is it shame at using your only brother for some kind of sick game? Or I this all just another dirty lie to hide the truth from me?" Moving in close to his twin's face, Hikaru lifted his mirror's chin and pressed their lips together.

The younger's eyes flew open and finally met the elders stare as their lips stayed firmly linked. '_He's drunk, this isn't him, this isn't my Hika. What am I thinking, he can never be mine. That's the whole reason I'm putting him through this. Don't kiss back. Don't kiss back. I need to stop him before… now. I need to stop him NOW!_' Lifting his hands to the chest currently pinning him to the bedroom wall, Kaoru firmly began to push his twin away but found that the ladder seemed uncharacteristically strong. The kiss broke and the two glared red hot daggers into one another before the dominating ginger made another slightly shocking move.

Gripping his struggling sibling in a vice-like bear hug Hikaru carried him to the bed and almost violently threw him down. Sounds of his more delicate twin's voice begging him to stop and pleading to know what he was planning went unregistered as his mind became nearly delusional with rage and anguish. '_Mine. I will make you mine and then you can't leave me. Enough playing hard to get little brother. You love me, I know it, and I love you. Now I will show you just how much you belong to me._' An unfamiliar look in his eyes sent a wave of fear through the pinned teen beneath him as Kaoru's voice changed from begging to screaming.

With one hand the slightly stronger boy trapped the other's hands above his head as the second free hand began to rip open buttons and divest his love of the clothes that suddenly seemed so unnecessary. In Kaoru's mind a sense of hopelessness began to grip his heart as it settled on him what his inebriated and grief stricken sling was about to attempt. "This isn't you Hika! Stop! STOP! PLEASE DON'T DO THIS!" '_This isn't my brother, I don't know this person. Is this my fault? Did I do this to him? I'm sorry Hika, I'm so sorry._' As the moments passed and more of his now tattered clothing was ripped from him his voice grew ever louder with the knowledge that there was no one else in the house to aid him. "I love you, please don't do this! You have to stop Hika! I love you. I love you, please!"

By the time he had been stripped down to only his overpriced boxers, his voice was all but gone from screaming and his neck and chest were littered in large round marks. Had the whole thing not been happening against his will he might have been thoroughly enjoying himself, but this was not happening with his consent and his muscles were growing weak from attempting in vain to fight off his attacker. All together, it had only about thirty minutes since he had entered the mostly empty house. However, to his frazzled mind it felt like hours. As Hikaru's free hand began to slip under the band of his only remaining garment and grip his disobediently semi-erect member his limbs froze. A rush of confusion washed through him as the sensation of lithe fingers rubbing him with an expert's touch sent shivers of pleasure through his lower region.

His tears started to fall anew from his tightly closed eyes as the truth behind his situation crystallized in his mind's eye. '_This does NOT feel good. This is NOT the most amazing feeling I've ever had. This is NOT what I want! This WILL destroy us, our family, and everyone around us_.' Closing his eyes and straining his remaining voice, the younger boy tried one last time to bring his twin out of the alcohol laced cloud of delusion he must have been in. "Please Hika. Don't…" Suddenly the attention to his now fully engorged organ ceased and he felt the pressure on his wrists disappear. Opening his eyes, he saw his brother crumpled and whimpering in the corner clutching his arm to his chest. Between himself and his brother stood a panting, that's right PANTING, Kyoya.

A cold and intimidating voice emanated from the shadow king as he addressed his disheveled friend while simultaneously pinning the other with his gaze. "Kaoru, please gather anything you require for the foreseeable future as quickly as possible. You are leaving and will not be returning for some time." The taller raven haired boy towered over a scowling and angrily crying Hikaru as the youngest in the room dressed and gathered some essentials along with a few school uniforms. Once he finished packing the onyx eyed teen took his bag and guided him out the door without a single word spoken to the still teary eyed ginger on the floor.

Once the pair of friends was safely seated in the back of the now moving car the orange haired teen turned to his companion. "Thank you Kyoya. I don't know what might… he was… I don't understand." Understanding the delicate nature of the situation perfectly well the raven haired boy remained silent as the drive continued allowing both his companion and himself time to think. It was rather late by the time they arrived at the Ootori estate and Kaoru was led to a guest room next to his friend's bedroom while said friend retrieved two meals from the kitchens.

After washing his face and lying on the couch in his accommodations the younger teen waited patiently for the other to return. Upon entering, the taller boy closed the door before placing a tray of food down in front of a conflicted ginger. "You are not required to tell me anything, but I should greatly like to hear about what happened between the two of you. I was under the impression that since the trip to Toyama the pair of you had worked things out. Was I mistaken?" His voice was soothing and full of genuine concern.

Kaoru wondered if anyone else ever had the opportunity to see this side of his friend other than his sister; unlikely. "Well, that's kind of true. We sort of… hooked up on the trip. Nothing... you know… below the belt. Just kissing and boy oh boy let me tell you it was euphoric. I guess that's why it kept happening. Every night we would mold ourselves together and every morning we would agree never to do it again. Then when we got home, we agreed that it was just a phase and the tension was gone so it was over."

"But it wasn't was it?"

"No. We talked about how bad it would be if we were caught and well… we started trying to never be alone together but it… didn't stick. For some reason we felt it was ok if we kept it to only a few times a week and only at school where there was a higher risk of someone finding out. I think we rationalized that a greater risk would help control us which I guess worked, until today anyway." Looking up into his friend's patient face the young Hitachiin continued. "We were together in one of the old storage rooms; you know the one at the end of the hall on the third floor in b-wing, that one, and well it was… nice but then I tried to tell him we needed to stop and he confessed. I thought he was just giving in to his hormones, but finding out that he's in love with me makes this all so much worse. It was bad enough when I thought I was letting him use me to blow off steam, but if we're in love with each other than we really could end up destroying ourselves."

"I know that we have talked about this many times, but I must say Kaoru: I do not fully understand why you are so resistant towards your feelings for Hikaru. Would you please explain it to me once more?" The smooth voice coming from the taller boy was soothing to the shorter teen's frayed nerves, it allowed him to relax the tension he hadn't realized was cramping his shoulders.

"Think about it. Just like you we will always be representatives of our family. Imagine the scandal if someone found out the Hitachiin heirs were a couple? Incest may be considered acceptable in certain circles, but I can't think of a single example of SIBLINGS being acknowledged favorably; especially not twins. People will say we're just narcissistic and then the business mother spent her whole life building will be destroyed. Anyone known to associate with us will be tainted by our scandal. How could we do that to everyone? You of all people should understand how hard this decision is for me, but it's the only option." Clutching an onigiri and beginning to nibble, the younger ginger was surprised at his friends reply.

"On the contrary, our situations are almost wholly different. You are in love with someone who returns your feelings and are held back by your own fears, which I assure you are exaggerated. I am in love with someone who will not only never return my feelings, but is in love with someone else. You will inherit your family's company in the future, regardless of how things with Hikaru work out. I will never inherit anything from my father and instead will be taking my own path which will subject me to more scrutiny than my siblings. There are only two similarities in our situations: we both love someone we feel we shouldn't and we both refuse to tell them for their own good. What a sad pair we make you and I." Standing, the third Ootori son walked to the door. "If you intend to go to school tomorrow, please be ready for breakfast at seven. I will have my driver drop you off on my way to morning classes."

With a smile and a nod the boys bid their good-nights as each ate a moderate supper and washed before lying down. Among the few possessions that Kaoru had taken from his home was a small bottle with only a few yellow pills inside. '_I have absolutely no intention of going to school tomorrow. There is no way could face him right now. I need time to think and he needs time to cool off. I really don't want to see anybody tomorrow_ _and I can't risk having ANY dreams, not tonight_.' Shaking three small pills into his hand the still shaken teen swallowed them dry and climbed into the ornately carved queen sized bed. '_Three pills. That should make sure I don't have any dreams at all, right?_' Within minutes he fell into a deep black sleep devoid of dreams and stayed that way for much longer than he intended.

The next morning the Ootori house guest did not join his friend for breakfast, but that was somewhat expected. All staff members were instructed to knock once every few hours to check on him and provide him with anything he might request, but were under strict orders not to enter the room unless asked. Once his final class of the day had concluded and Kyoya was on his way home, he called to inquire as to his companion's condition. The driver was asked to expedite his usual rout as soon as the raven haired boy was informed that his guest had not responded even once to any attempt to see to his needs. It was now nearly eight in the evening and knowing how distraught he had been the previous evening the former shadow king was spurred on by a rising concern for the ginger's wellbeing.

Feeling a need to have some form of news that Kaoru's deception had been worth the heartache it was causing, 'mommy' quickly dialed his 'daughter' knowing that she would have information regarding the other twin. After a few brief words he learned that Hikaru had not attended school either and had in fact been to hospital for treatment of a fractured wrist; most likely a result of the older boy's forcible removal of him from his brother. '_I did not intend to cause him serious harm, though I do not feel badly about having done it. Perhaps it is best I not bring this up to Kaoru. I do not see it as news that would lighten his spirit_.'

While Kyoya raced home to care for his devastated friend, Hikaru sat on the floor of his room ignoring the desperate knocking on his door. "Master Hikaru, please! All the staff are concerned for you and Master Kaoru. Won't you please let us help you sir? If you do not allow us to know what is going on so that we might help we will need to contact the Mistress. She left very strict instructions in the event of an incident between the two of you. Please sir, won't you open the door?" The head maid could have easily unlocked the door herself with her master key, but the state of the young master was a concern for all and the last thing anyone wanted to do was to exacerbate an already bleak problem.

With the threat of his mother's involvement the red eyed teen staggered towards his door and opened it just wide enough to properly glare at the woman whom had once changed his diapers. "Now you see me. I'm alive. Now go away." Quickly shutting the door again he sat down at his desk and turned on his computer. After typing in his five letter password he opened a new document in the file marked 'designs' and began to write a letter to the one person he needed to talk to most.

**Hikaru's letter to Kaoru: **

**My dearest and most precious little brother,**

**How do you even begin to apologize for something like this? Do I just come out and said 'I'm sorry'? That seems far too easy and beyond inadequate. I love you. I can't believe I behaved that way towards you. I can't believe I would act like that towards anyone but least of all you. You are the most important person in my life, more important than mother or father or even me. How could I betray you like that? I was drunk. That's not an excuse simply a fact. That's what allowed me to act in such a despicable manner. I suspect you will never forgive me for this, and you'd be right not to. How perfectly wretched I must be to even consider doing that to you. Why did you say you loved me? It was just to shock me into stopping wasn't it? You say you don't love me, that you were merely using me to relieve hormonal stress and this this is all a phase that has come to an end. Ok. If that is the truth, then I will abide by it. If you say that you do not love me then I will be believe you. However, what I will NOT do is stop loving you. How can I? It's not a switch one turns off and on like a light. Though it took me months to realize the truth behind my feelings I suspect they have existed far longer than that. If you love something, let it go right? Ok. I will let you go, I'm pretty sure I've already driven you away so now all that remains is a matter of not interfering with whatever you choose to do from here on. I will remain hidden from you in the background doing whatever I possibly can to see you whole and happy again. I broke you, broke us, and I WILL see to it that you smile every day from now on. You are my reason for breathing. I wish I could be yours.**

It took much longer than usual to type his feelings into the small black keyboard as he was only able to use one hand. "If you think about it, I got off way too easy. I'm just fortunate he didn't have Hani and Mori for back up. Then I'd be in a coma, if not dead. I need to see Haruhi, but not now. Maybe I'll see if we can talk tomorrow. I'll skip first and call her during the change. If he's not at school I go in late. If he's there I'll stay home. I can't risk seeing him unless he wants to see me first. I CAN NOT make things any worse for him, I refuse." After saving the file away, he closed the laptop and moved to sit on his large empty bed. Retrieving a bottle of pain killers from the night stand he swallowed two of the large white pills with the aid of some spring water and waited for the throbbing in his wrist to subside before falling asleep still fully dressed.

At the Ootori residence the third son had just arrived in the driveway and was hurriedly making his way up to the guest room next to his own. After knocking on the door rather loudly and receiving no response he turned the crystal knob and entered. The curtains were closed and it was nearly pitch black in the room. Turning on a light, he made his way over to the bed and proceeded to rouse the sleeping lump beneath the thick blankets. "Kaoru, Kaoru wake up! Wake up Kaoru!" A slight panic began to grip him with the fear of what drastic action his friend might have taken in the night. As he continued to shake the unresponsive boy he spotted the bottle of sleeping pills he had given him almost three months ago. Grabbing the bottle he shook it in the now groaning teen's face. "How many of these have you taken? How many Kaoru? Did you take more than two? Wake up, TELL ME!"

"Thr… three…" The younger boy's voice was weak and slightly slurred from his groggy state of semi-consciousness.

"Thank Kami. You…" Turning to face the open door and the small group of staff he spoke calmly but firmly. "… our guest has taken too much sedative. Get the blue bottle from my medicine cabinet and a cup of tea. Be quick."

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**A/N: Please R&R. Constructive criticism welcome and encouraged! **


	13. What Friends are For

**Httydfreakforever & the lady of light -** thank for the encouragement and here ya go!

**Hazelmirror410 & animefollower -** sorry for the ball of sadness but I think it was nesisarily. Gotta break the eggs before you make the omelet right?

**Mae-the-Mage - **thanks! I always prefer stories that stick to the true chaotic torts and to hear you say I'm doing well avoiding OOC-ness is encouraging.

**A/N: I do not own Ouran High School Host Club or its characters.**

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Chapter 12: What Friends are For 

After the shaken maid returned with the desired items Kyoya wasted no time in dissolving some of the white powder from the mysterious bottle in the hot tea and helping his friend slowly drink the concoction. After several minutes the smaller teen began to come around and become more alert. "Kyoya? What's going on? You look really freaked out, are you ok?" Reaching for his clearly concerned companion's hand the young ginger had no idea what could have shaken the raven haired boy so much.

"You idiot. Why did you take more than two? Was I not very clear about the boundaries regarding this medication?" Shaking the bottle the black eyes teen began to calm himself now that his guest was out of danger. "Taking too much can slow your heart to the point of stopping. I'm afraid I'm going to have to take these from you since you don't seem to be able to use them responsibly." He expected a protest but received silence. "Kaoru, what is it?"

The second boy's face had gone pale and his hands began to tremble slightly as he examined the blankets still covering his lower half. "He's never going to forgive me is he? I'm alone." A short but forceful slap on the back of his head stunned him for a moment before forcing his attention to shift towards his friend. "Oww, what the hell was that for?" Rubbing his head a look of complete befuddlement overcame him.

"Hikaru will forgive you eventually. Don't get me wrong, I still think you are a fool, but I thought you were supposed to be the more intelligent twin. Given the appropriate amount of time you will both find your way back to each other in some form. It may be as brothers only, as friends, or maybe even as lovers, but one thing is for certain; you will never escape one another. You are two halves of the same whole and no amount of anger or hurt or time will change that. It is meant to be." Before he had sufficient time to react the orange haired teen was embracing his former Sempi and thanking him repeatedly.

"I wish I had gotten to know you better years ago Kyoya. You really are a good friend, when money's not involved at least." Both were able to chuckle at the slight jab and mostly true statement before releasing their almost intimate gesture and starting to discuss what the younger would do in the near future in regards to his lodging and family.

The next few days passed in the absence of the Hitachiin siblings. Neither attended school for the remainder for the week as each tried to come to terms with recent events. The elder had planed to attend classes in his sibling's absence, but the fear of questions regarding his missing brother made him rethink his plan. Hikaru was at home nursing his fractured wrist while Haruhi brought him his assignments and provided a friendly ear.

Once finished Imiki would drive her home, at least that's what the older ginger thought. In reality the kindly older man would take her to the Ootori estate to see the missing twin. He was more than happy to risk losing his job if it meant his young masters could be reunited. On Friday evening as the little brunette approached the guest room that her friend seldom left, she was approached by her taller dark haired friend.

"Hi there Kyoya, how's he doing today?" Her words were sincere and it was easy to detect the concern they expressed.

"Truthfully, I'd say he's about the same. Although he has not been sleeping much so I expect that he is quite tired, in more ways than one. I have… business I need to attend to and I will be gone for several days. I have told him he is welcome to stay here, but it will be just him and Father so I expect he is making other arrangements with Hani and Mori. Would you be so kind as to verify that for me while you are in there?" A smile that seemed almost too warm graced his pale lips as she nodded her agreement. "Thank you. Would you like some dinner while you are here or is Ranka awaiting your arrival?"

'_Voodoo powers never get rusty do they?_' She shook her head and confirmed what she knew he was already aware of. "Tonight's dad's only night off so I promised him I would cook, but thank you. I won't be too long; I don't want to keep Imiki waiting anyway." The two parted ways as Kyoya entered his room and Haruhi entered Kaoru's temporary quarters. "Hey Kaoru, I brought you the work you missed again today. Are you planning on coming back on Monday?" The blank expression she received from her friend let her know that it was a decision he had not yet made. "Well Kyoya tells me he's going out of town for a few days. You planning on staying here or are you going to Hani's?"

"I'm going to stay at Hani's for a few days… Haruhi?" Turning to face the small girl his reddened eyes betrayed what he had spent the last several days doing. "I know he talks to you and I'm sure you know everything by now, so can I ask you a question?" He wiped the dried tears from his face and forced the saddest smile the other had ever seen to his lips as his female friend nodded silently. "If I told you that I DO love him, but I'm doing this because I think it's what is best for us both… would you think I'm a fool?"

"Pretty much." She hoped to lighten his mood with a little levity, but it proved to backfire as the already traumatized boy curled into a ball and began sobbing loudly. "Dammit, Kaoru I was joking! You're not a fool for trying to protect your brother or yourself, but your actions ARE foolish. You two love each other and yet you are pushing each other away. Frankly, I don't think anybody gets why you're doing this to yourselves." The almost casual remark sent a shock through the shaken ginger.

"WHO KNOWS ABOUT THIS OTHER THAN YOU AND KYOYA?!" He grabbed her shoulders and shook her roughly as he spoke. '_No! If everybody knows then this will have all been for nothing, I will have pushed him away for no reason at all_.'

"Calm down, sheesh. Nobody ok? It's just me and Kyoya, though truthfully I think Imiki and those creepy twin maids of yours might be starting to suspect something. This is nobody's business other than the two of you. It's not my place to tell anyone, neither is it Kyoya's. I will tell you this though; Kinda hurts that you don't trust the others with this. Do really think Tamaki, Hani and Mori would judge you negatively for something you have no conscious control over? You two didn't choose to love each other, you just do. It's no body's fault and it's not the terrible sin you seem to think it is either. I wish you had more faith in yourself… and your friends." Standing, Haruhi took her leave of her startled friend before he had the opportunity to refute the validity of her words.

Saturday morning arrived rather unceremoniously as Hikaru sat up in his oversized bed and stared out the still open windows. His nightmares had begun to return for the first time since the trip to Toyama and since he attempted to assault his brother in a drunken stupor they had only grown infinitely worse. He wasn't just loosing Kaoru in those dreams now; he was watching his twin die. Over and over in a hundred different ways he watched as the only person he ever loved, and still loved despite everything, was mutilated and destroyed often by his own hands. Rubbing his eyes in hopes of alleviating some of the deep purple bags that now formed beneath each he dragged himself out of bed and into the washroom for a shower before clothing himself in not but a towl and sitting down in front of his computer.

Feeling the lowest he had ever felt in his nearly eighteen years on Earth he opened an unassuming file marked 'x' after typing in a different six letter passcode. He typed as quickly and as furiously as his damaged wrist would allow. It was hours later when he realized he had yet to dress or eat all day. Looking at the clock he noted that Tamaki and Haruhi were both scheduled to arrive soon he closed the document he'd been so diligently creating and locked the secure file. He dressed himself a bit more sloppy than usual and went downstairs to await his guests in one of the large sitting rooms.

At the Ootori residence the only house guest made his way into the private washroom and examined his reflection. '_These marks aren't fading as quickly as I would like them to. How long do I need to see the undeniable evidence of my mistakes, if they were even that?_' Opening the container of expensive mineral concealer he began diligently erasing any evidence of his indiscretions, both consensual and non, from his pale skin before the Haninozuka car arrived to fetch him. Kyoya had already left for his private business, though the young teen suspected he knew where his friend had really snuck off too. '_I bet he's off to finally meet his fiancé. I can't believe he's going to go through with that just because Tono is straight. He's not even going to take a chance on finding someone else. How can he just give up like that?_'

As he completed his task and all visible marks were erased from view Kaoru returned to the bedroom to pack the few belongings he had with him as a sudden realization struck. "So it's not ok for Kyoya to give up on love, but it's perfectly acceptable for you to walk away from your's knowing the feelings are mutual. Way to go hypocrite." Though his voice was meant for no one to hear someone did. Two someones actually, one tall and dark the other small and light.

"Do you understand what Kao-Chan is talking about Takashi?" Looking up at his cousin the little Lolita was met with a wordless shaking of the head. "Should we ask him about it? Maybe he's having a problem and we could help him. Maybe he needs some cake!" Suddenly excited at the mere thought of his favorite confection the petite blonde reached for the door only to be gently held back by a simple word.

"Mitsukuni."

"Ok, you're right. If it's something he wants us to know about then he'll tell us himself." A sad expression very unbecoming of the tiny martial artist was quickly replaced with a wide and eager smile as he turned again and knocked on the door. "Kao-Chan, we're here to get you!" The door opened from the inside moments later to reveal a tired looking ginger clutching a single designed bag tightly in one hand.

"Thanks guys, I really appreciate you letting me stay with you for a few days. I'm sure you're wondering why I can't go home, but I'm just not ready to talk about it yet if that's ok." His two friends nodded in compliance and the trio made their way to the waiting car.

At the Hitachiin estate Hikaru welcomed his two guests and guided them into one of the larger parlors as the twin maids delivered trays of tea and small finger foods for the group to enjoy. '_I don't think I want the boss to know what happened between me and Kao. He's kinda simple in the head and I seriously don't want to get anyone else involved in this mess. It's bad enough I've driven my brother away for good, I don't know what I would do if I lost my friends too_.'

"So, you little devil, what have you done to my… other… little devil?" A slight blush ran across the blond former prince as his words replayed in infinite stupidity in his mind. "Why are you two quarreling again? And for that matter why have you been at each other to begin with? These past few months, though it is true that we have only been able to enjoy each other's company on occasion, have been very confusing not to mention frustrating. Why can't daddy's little boys get along?" Large puppy dog eyes brimmed with tears as he gazed pleadingly into his ginger friend's irritated face.

"First of all Boss, were not your kids. Second, I can't tell you why we've been fighting. I can only tell you that it's over. No more fighting, no more Kaoru, no more us. He's gone and I highly doubt he's coming back, at least not any time soon. And on a separate note, why do you assume I'm the one who did something? Maybe this is entirely his fault. Did you ever stop to think about that?" Crossing his arms defiantly Hikaru was somehow completely unprepared for the response that next met his ears.

"Is it?"

"Is it what?" Now it was the orange haired boy's turn to be perplexed.

"Is whatever is going on with the two of you Kaoru's fault?" The question was so simple and straight forward, it was unexpected even by the very direct Haruhi.

"Tamaki, that's not the sort of question you just ask someone. Things are rarely that simple. Forgive him Hikaru, you know how he is." With a feeble laugh the little brunette attempted to break the tension to no avail until their host spoke surprisingly.

Normally the elder twin would have fervently denied having any responsibility… in anything, but this was somehow different. He felt that deep down if he had never listened to his brother's innocent dreams, none of this would have happened. "No, you were right. My problem is entirely my own fault. Kaoru is in no way to blame for the hole I've dug for myself." Covering his face in his hands, he bit his lip to hold back a torrent of tears. His two companions flanked him, each rubbing soothing circles on his back.

"So what are you going to do about it?" The violet eyes boy's words were again blunt and to the point. For the second time in not long at all the distraught Hatachiin was caught off guard with a feeling akin to being punched in the stomach.

Blinking and staring blankly at the stupid smile on his daft friend made the ginger teen want to rip his lips from his handsome face. "There's nothing I CAN do about it. The line was crossed and there's no going back. Ever."

"Well, if you can't go back then you must go forward."

'_Does this idiot have any idea what the actual damn problem is? Is he that insightful or is he just stabbing in the dark here?_' Turning to fully face his caramel eyed former girlfriend for the first time he glared. "What the hell did you tell him exactly?!" He knew he was too harsh when he saw her swallow hard, but couldn't care just then as his mind was preoccupied with a sudden need to protect his brother from anyone who might use this situation against him. '_Wait, what am I worried about? This is Tono were talking about here. He's even more clueless than Haruhi use to be. I've got nothing to be concerned about._'

"Just tell Kaoru how you feel about him. I'm sure he feels the same." All color drained from Hikaru's face as the realization that his secret was apparently well known by seeming everyone. He gripped the little brunette by her arms, but before he had a chance to accuse her of betraying his confidence the blonde spoke again. "Don't blame Haruhi, she told me nothing. I have eyes you know, we all do. Everyone in the club knows how you feel about him, we have for years. Him too. We've been waiting for the two of you to realize it ever since that time when my grandmother convinced me to leave." There was no accusation in his words and no pity or anger. Just words stating facts.

"But… how? I didn't even know until a few months ago and he swears he doesn't feel the same, so you're wrong about at least that much."

"Strike two." The monotone voice that had been mute until now finally spoke, surprising both her companions and earning her two equally confused looks. "He does love you, it's painfully obvious in the way he's been acting. All that avoiding you and lying to you about his true feelings. It's so clear that he is trying to protect you from scrutiny. He probably thinks it's just a passing whim for you since you get bored so easily, all you have to do is show him that it isn't."

"But how do I do that? It's not like he's going to believe me if I just come out and tell him. Tried that once, remember?"

"Show him your computer." She couldn't help but giggle just a little at his now comically large eyes. "I know I'm not supposed to know about your secret electronic confessions, but you were so caught up in it one time over at my place that I couldn't help but see what you were doing. I know for sure if he reads all those thoughts you have in that thing he would know how you really feel."

Looking at his companions and seeing both their reassuring smiles he began to wonder if his friend wasn't right about the whole situation. "But you don't understand what I did… what I tried to do. There is no forgiveness for something like that." The spark of hope that had filled him moments ago began to fade as his older companion gently lifted his chin and met his eye.

"I don't know the details of what you are talking about and I don't need to. Did you reflect and repent for your action in this diary my lovely daughter is referring to yes or no?"

"I…"

"Yes or no?"

"Yes"

"Well then you have done all you can on the matter. Show him and let him decide for himself. Don't wait until it is too late and the one you hold dearest in your heart is beyond your grasp forever. Please trust me when I tell you that you will regret it daily if not more." The sad look the tall blond flashed only fleetingly in Haruhi's direction was not missed by the ginger teen and he knew the former prince spoke from heartfelt and painful experience.

'_Maybe they're right. Can't hurt can it? What's the worst that could happen, he hates me? Already done._' Standing and leaving his friends he made his way into his bedroom and retrieved the compact blue device before returning to the parlor. "Would one of you take it to him? I don't think he would accept it if I tried to do it myself."

A warm smiling brunette gently took the laptop and placed a hand on his shoulder. "I'm going to go see him at Hani's tomorrow anyway. I can take it with me and talk to him if that's ok with you?" Looking to both of her friends for confirmation, she placed the computer in her bag and spoke again. "Is there a password?" Seeing his nod, she became mildly annoyed that he needed to be prodded to provide said code. "Wanna tell me what it is or does he already know it?"

"He IS it." A light blush began to overtake his features as Hikaru turned to face out the window and away from the starry-eyed looks on his companion's faces. "Shut up."

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**A/N: Please R&R. Constructive criticism welcome and encouraged! **


	14. Family Isn't Always Blood

**The Lady Of Light - **yeah, I know it was kind of obvious but nesisary.

**httydfreakforever - **thanks, I thought it came out rather sweet myself.

**animefollower - **I'm glad you feel that way, I think over reacting and frankly overthinking is exactly how Kaoru behave**.**

**Mae-the-Mage - **Thanks for the praise, I'm a little sad that it's comming to an end but there's still a few chapters left I think so I hope Kao's reaction lives up to your expectations.

**HazelMirror410 - **Thank you, here's another!

**A/N: I do not own Ouran High School Host Club or its characters.**

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Chapter 13: Family Isn't Always Blood

The sounds of wood clacking filled the air as grunts were heard from every corner of the expansive old style mansion. Mori had been hard at practice with his perfect Kendo skills for the last hour. A slightly sleepy but still bright eyed Hani sat on folded legs in the far corner of the private Dojo blissfully sipping his tea and observing his cousin's flawless technique. A full smile spread across his face as he watched the elegant and much taller teen rehearse his fluid movements with an ease that only someone of his skill set could. This was a Sunday morning ritual between the two who's families once shared a master and servant relationship, but were now joined as one extended clan.

The Morinozuka and Haninozuka family homes were next to one another, as close as two freakishly oversized mansions could be that is, which allowed to two best friends to easily move between them and spend as much time together as was humanly possible. This particular Sunday was like many others with one notable difference. Typically the two silently enjoying each other's company with one practicing their respective martial art while the other observed and offered constructive criticism only when solicited. Their friends would have been shocked to know that the oddly small blonde was indeed capable of sitting quietly for a few hours WITHOUT eating or even mentioning sweets.

Today practice was limited to only one hour as both boys were concerned for their orange haired friend and wanted to discuss how they could be of help to him. As the smaller teen handed his cousin and friend a towel he asked the question that he had been mulling over all morning. "Takashi, do you think we can get Kao-Chan and Hika-Chan to get back together? I'm sure that's what this is all about and we all know how much they both love each other. I just want to see them smile again. I know they still smile a lot when we see them, but it's not right somehow. Their smiles never really seem to reach their eyes. Do you think the others know what's going on?"

The dark haired taller teen nodded as he sipped his water and listened to his crush talk, one of his favorite things to do. "He would tell us if he wanted us to know."

"Ok, but we can try to make him smile anyway! Can't we?" With a reassuring nod the bubbly blonde jumped up and climbed onto his cousin's shoulders before the pair made their way towards the main house. It was almost three hours later when the Haninozuka house guest woke and joined his hosts for breakfast in the open air courtyard. "Good morning Kao-Chan! Doesn't this look yummy?"

"Morning Hani, Mori, thanks for letting me stay here for a little while." Kaoru's voice was sad and very unbecoming of the former 'little devil' as he took his seat and allowed the hovering staff to place his napkin in his lap and his plate on the table. It was an average breakfast, by wealthy standards, but he found that his appetite just wasn't what it once was. He picked at the perfectly prepared food and did his best to smile for his friends as an uncomfortable lack of conversation overtook the trio. Though silence emanating from the tallest teen was nothing new, this felt somehow different. It wasn't the feel of eyes watching his feeble attempt to force food into his system that bothered the youngest male; it was the pity that seemed to accompany the gazes.

"Talk?" Never one to mix words or speak meaninglessly the dark haired boy broke the tension with one simple declaration that sounded to the others more like a pleading question.

"I don't think this is something you guys would want to be involved in. I don't want to drag anybody else into my own issues. I'm sorry I got you as involved as I already have, I wouldn't have called if it weren't for Kyoya needing to go to Hokkaido." Looking down at the mostly untouched plate the ginger teen could feel tears starting to build… again. '_You'd think that by now I wouldn't have anything left to cry out. I'm surprised I haven't shriveled up like a strip of nori already._' An innocent giggle filled the otherwise empty air gaining the sulking boy's immediate attention.

"How could we not be involved Kao-Chan? Isn't helping each other what friends do?" The ever-optimistic Lolita beamed at his friend as he hugged his stuffed bunny.

Mori shook his head as if to disagree with his cousin gaining him two sets of confused expressions. "Family." His meaning was instantly understood by both of his companions as perplexed faces turned to smiles.

"I guess after all these years of being part of the Host Club I'm still just not use to having good friends. Maybe I'm doomed to be hopeless forever." Though his words were sincere and accurately reflected what his heart felt they weren't meant to be sad. He intended to be lighthearted and his hosts seemed to understand. '_Maybe they're right. As screwed up as the boss is he did manage to make us into a nice little family and isn't that what Haruhi as always telling us what family is about? Support when you can't do it on your own? What's that old saying… when you can't run… walk, when you can't walk… crawl, and when you can't crawl… find someone to carry you?* I don't think I'm doing the greatest at dealing with this on my own so maybe I do need someone to carry me and who better than Hani and Mori?_'

"Why are you and Hika-Chan fighting?" Kaoru had drifted into his thoughts so deeply that he couldn't even identify which of his companions had spoken, though it was safe to assume it wasn't the taller one... or Usa-Chan.

Without looking his friend's in the eyes the ginger teen summed up the problems with his twin as succinctly as he could. "I'm in love with him." He wasn't sure of what reaction he might receive in response to the severity, in his mind, of the situation but it surely was not what he heard next.

"And he loves you, but I don't understand what that has to do with why you two are fighting. Do you understand Takashi?" The blonde martial artist turned to his cousin and received a nod implying that the dark haired boy fully understood the link between the twin's love for one another and their recent squabbling. Tilting his head in confusion the smallest teen turned back to his younger friend. "Did you not know Hika-Chan loved you back? Were you sad and that's why you fought with him?"

'_For someone so clueless he's pretty damn observant._' Pushing the plate away having completely lost what little appetite he had Kaoru faced his companions and spoke softly almost hoping they wouldn't catch his words. "He loves me like a brother and that's good because these other… feelings… are so much more than just wrong. I thought for a moment that he felt the same way as me and I hoped, if only momentarily, that it might work out but the other day showed me the truth. He doesn't love me like I love him. He loves me as his twin and was just using me to blow off his hormonal tension until he finds someone else. He doesn't want me as a partner, just a body in the bed. The worst part is that a piece of me would be ok with that. I think I could be fine with just being his lover in the shadows, but I know that eventually I would be discovered and my selfishness would destroy everyone around us. I don't mind being unhappy and even miserable if it means that I'm protecting everybody else."

The sincerity and sullenness of his words hit his friends hard. How could they not notice how much he had been suffering? All the former hosts had assumed the twin Hitachiin boys were a couple in their private lives. It was never asked, just assumed and easily accepted. It had never occurred to any of them to be disappointed or disgusted with the concept. The twins were in reality a loving, non-platonic couple. Simple. To hear that they were not only never a real couple, but also that the younger of the two felt that it would never be an option was heartbreaking if not outright absurd.

"You're wrong." The deep voice sounded almost harsh and accusatory in Kaoru's ears, but he had agreed to let his companions help so he was prepared to listen to the criticisms he feared were now to come. "He feels the same. Why do you question it?"

"Yeah, if you were starting to see that he loved you back why did you change your mind? Why did you run away from him?" The second voice came from the small Hani, though he was hidden behind his precious Usa-Chan in an effort to regain some of the group's lost levity.

"I told him it would never work, that we shouldn't try because I truly believe that it could hurt those around us. I was going to stay with Kyoya for a day or two just to let him calm down; you know how his temper is. When I got to the house he had sent the staff home and he was crying in his room. I tried to just ignore him and pack to leave, but he burst into my room. He was drunk and well he kinda pushed me and… he… he tried to… I don't even know what he was trying to do really but Kyoya came in and got him off of me. I haven't seen or spoken to him since." Taking a deep breath to avoid hyperventilating as he spoke the youngest member of the chatting trio was unable or perhaps unwilling to continue with his story.

"It's ok Kao-Chan, I think I understand. I don't think Hika-Chan meant to try and hurt you. He was probably just as confused and hurt as you. Hika-Chan isn't quite as mature as Kao-Chan, is he?" The strange question was not directed towards the orange haired teen but rather towards the silent and statuesque Mori who bobbed his head in confirmation.

'_Nothing fazes him in the slightest. I wonder is Hani has any clue about how Mori really feels? Does Mori even know? If they think Hika really loves me and I just can't see it, could the same be true for them? No one would be bothered by cousins being a couple so they might actually have a chance. I just need to see how Hani really feels about Mori_.' A soft smile began to creep over his lips as the orange haired boy became distracted from his own problems for the first time in days. His companions quietly concluded that this was enough talk for one day and opted to end the conversation in favor of wandering the gardens while they awaited the arrival of Haruhi.

At the Hitachiin manor a pair of identical maids stood and smiled down at the scene before them. They usually never showed any emotion on their lovely faces, especially in the presence of their young masters, but since one was missing and the other lay asleep on the floor they felt it safe. Hikaru was flat on his back with arms splayed out. Haruhi lay on her side with her head cradled on the ginger boy's bicep. Lying next to her was Tamaki; on his side facing the brunette with one arm draped over her side and the other tucked under his head. The three looked so peaceful the two girls were reluctant to wake them, but it was well past ten and high time for breakfast.

Wiping their faces of the soft, pleasant smiles they loudly cleared their throats and gained the attention of the female sandwiched between the two boys. "Oh, sorry. Guess we fell asleep watching the movie." Looking down, she noticed the arm draped around her middle and blushed. As the maids made their exit, she examined the peaceful sleeping face of her 'daddy'. '_Still just as handsome as the day we met. The twins aren't the only ones trying to figure out these complex feelings. I wish Tamaki would look at me the way Hikaru looks at Kaoru. Not like his damned 'daughter' but as someone he wanted to be with. All well, focusing on helping the twins is the perfect distraction and they could really use the help. They're both completely clueless after all._' Shifting into a sitting position she began to gently wake her friends. "Wake up guys, breakfast is ready."

Two groggy teens stretched and blushed a bit at how they found themselves tangled together on the floor. "Morning Haruhi, Tono. How'd you sleep?" Rubbing his eyes to wipe away the night the only actual resident of the household climbed to his feet and began to mount the stairs. "The two guest rooms at the end of the hall should be stocked with anything you need. Let's all get ready and meet in the dining room in half an hour." His friends nodded in agreement as all three set out to freshen up.

As agreed, the group of friends found themselves in the large formal dining room just as the kitchen staff placed the last of the warm brunch style dishes on the table. They talked about random things like taking another group trip and Tono's upcoming birthday as they happily ate the delicious food until the brunette decided it was time to address the bigger issue at hand. "Are you going to be ok here by yourself? I'm sure Tamaki would stay here with you if you'd like while I go see Kaoru."

He knew her words were said out of friendly concern, but they still stung. '_I know they think that showing him my diary will make everything magically better, but they don't know him like I do… like I did. He's even more stubborn than me when he wants to be and I'm sure after the other night he won't even want to think about me let alone talk to Haruhi about me. I wonder if he's telling Mori and Hani? I bet he didn't need to tell Mori though, the guy is just as freaky as Kyoya when it comes to knowing the unknowable._' Swallowing the mouthful of fresh juice he had been savoring he plastered on his best smile before addressing his concerned companions. "I'll be fine, I promise. I think I'm gonna try to beat the last level in my game and that should take most of my concentration not to mention time. Go; see if he will talk to you, but please don't push him. If he hates me then he hates me and I'll live with the consequences of my actions."

"Look at that, my little boy is all grown up!" Leaping from his chair the blonde former Host Club King embraced his surrogate 'son' and smiled like a child.

"Um, boss? Glad you approve and all but I would like to breath now." Taking in a huge gasp of air as the bone crushing hug was released the younger boy returned the elder's genuine smile. The three friends finished their elaborate meal and each set out on their path. Haruhi was escorted to the Haninozuka manor by Imiki, Tamaki's chauffeur took him to his father's office, and Hikaru locked himself in his room to play video games and try to forget his troubles for a short while.

As soon as the long black car pulled into the moderate drive the brown eyed girl inside was bombarded with wide grins and pleasant greetings. "Haru-Chan, you made it! See Takshi I told you she wouldn't be late, not Haru-Chan! Come on! If we hurry, we can have Sukino bring us some tea and cake!" Before she had time to respond the energetic Lolita had disappeared, leaving behind his much more docile other half and house guest to welcome the giggling girl into the house.

"He's excited." Though it was not said there was an implied 'I'm sorry for my cousin's behavior' in Mori's simple words. As always he reminded the brunette how it was not always necessary to communicate using words. Over the years everyone in the club had learned how to read the mostly mute teen's eyes or as they called it 'the Mori code'.

"Don't worry; I wouldn't have him any other way. What's Hani without his sweets?" She shrugged her shoulders as she spoke and flashed a heart warming smile up at her rather tall friend.

"A demon." All three laughed at the ginger's quick wit and recalled the time the little blonde had a cavity and needed to refrain from his favorite fair. Not an experience any of them wished to ever repeat.

A few minutes later all four friends were seated comfortably in a sunny reading room happily sipping tea and watching in awe as Hani downed his third piece of cake. After not too long the orange haired member of the group spoke up and brought their focus to the one topic everyone wanted to discuss. "I know why you're here Haruhi and it's ok. Hani and More know everything, more or less, and we can talk openly. I must say I'm still not sure how happy I am bout everybody knowing what's going on with me and Hika, but I've done nothing other than make a fine mess of everything so how much worse can it get?" His laugh was joyless and empty as Kaoru tried to build a facade of indifference towards his situation.

"Yeah, that was a totally convincing laugh. It doesn't make me concerned about you at all." Sarcasm was something the twins were used to dishing out, not taking. The ginger teen suddenly felt as though he needed to go on the offensive.

"That's right. I don't need anybody worrying about me because I will be fine. I'm just concerned for Hika is all." For the second time in only a few minutes the frazzled boy had used his private nickname for his brother that had only previously been spoken to the boy of which it belonged. A small giggle escaped both the little blond and the brunette while the dark haired boy smirked. "What's so funny all the sudden?"

"Hika? That's so cute Kaoru, please tell me he knows you call him that! Does he have one for you?" Haruhi's words were barely discernible above the sound of her own laughter as the source of her sudden entertainment began to grow red in the face.

"Yes he does and no, not that I've ever heard anyhow." Burring himself in the overly plush cushions of the couch the golden eyed teen grew silent with a mix of embarrassment and confusion. '_I can't believe I used his pet name, damn. Why the hell is she so giddy about though? And why are Hani and Mori, well… kind of Mori, laughing too? It's not that weird that I would call him something like that is it? I don't get it._'

"So does that mean you really DO love Hika-Chan?" Hani's eyes were comically large as he waited in heavy anticipation for a truthful response.

"It doesn't matter what I feel for him. He sees me only as a brother and that's how it should be. He's made it very clear that he simply needs a physical release and I'm sure he can find one with any number of our fan-girls and once he's gotten everything out of his system I can go home and face him again. Simple." His eyes never left his tea cup, but it was easy for the others to tell what those eyes would look like if they were visable behind his amber locks.

"You're wrong." Standing, the tallest member of the group picked up his now teary eyed cousin and left the room without another word.

Finally looking up, the conflicted twin turned to his one remaining friend. "What just happened?"

"Hani is clearly upset that you and Hikaru are fighting and hearing you describe the problem so coldly, and incorrectly I might add, was too much for him." Her words were precise as she reached into her bag and retrieved the moderately sized electronic device she had stashed there the night before. "Here." Handing the laptop over to the ginger boy she smiled. "There are a few things on here you need to read. It might take you a while and you might want some privacy." Gathering her now mostly empty bag the brunette began to leave her friend alone with his task.

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**A/N: Please R&R. Constructive criticism welcome and encouraged! **

* _Firefly_ bitches: Long live capin' tight pants!


	15. Confessions

**To all my reviewers: **thanks so much for the kind words! I'm really glad you all are enjoying the story so far and I hope I continue to live up to your expectations but I'm sure you will let me know :-)

**A/N: I do not own Ouran High School Host Club or its characters. **Warning: **Lemon** ahead!

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Chapter 14: Confessions

"But this is Hikaru's computer, why are you giving this to me? Why do you even have it?"

"It's his diary. You don't seem to want to believe us when we tell you you're wrong about how he feels so maybe if you read what he thinks in his own words you'll finally understand." Opening the door and stepping out a soft voice made the corners of her mouth curl up.

"I wondered what he was doing all those times I saw him typing away, but I don't know his password. I tried to look at it before… in Toyama, but I couldn't figure it out. Shows how well I DON'T know him after all." Holding the thin blue devise Kaoru rubbed the shiny case and smiled at his own failing.

"Did you know that most people make their password something precious to them so they don't forget it?"

"Yeah, everybody knows that, but I tried everything and nothing worked."

"You really don't see it do you?"

"See what?" His mounting irritation with his friends unwillingness to just get to the point quickly became evident in his tone.

"YOU are the most precious thing in his life! You can be such an idiot, you know that?" The door slammed shut moments later and the now very confused ginger was left alone to take in all that he had just heard.

Deciding that if all his friends were in agreement, then maybe, just maybe, he should at least try to understand what they were so desperately trying to tell him. He powered up his brother's computer and stared at the blinking cursor asking for the coveted password. Kaoru made an inventory of the things he had already tried: his twin's name, his favorite color, his one and only girlfriend, he even tried 'I hate Kaoru'. "Wait, she said people usually use the name of something precious and she insisted that I am somehow precious to him." Timidly he typed in his own name and watched with wide eyes as the operating system initialized. '_It worked._' "Shit."

Looking at the files he found all the usual things you would expect with the addition of tree file with shortcuts on the desktop: one marked 'X' one marked 'Designs' and one marked 'Music'. This was suspicious in that he knew how much his other half hated things that obscured his view of his elaborate wallpapers. Curiously, he double clicked on the icon for 'Music' and stared at the over 50 documents. Randomly he opened one of the oldest documents and began to read.

**One of Hikaru's documents: **

**Why do I feel like this? It's so wrong, but I can't stop. Every time I look at him, my heart begins to race and I feel like I can't breathe. I've tried to stop, but nothing seems to work. I just don't see anyone else the way I see him. I tried dating Haruhi, did I tell you? I thought maybe because she liked me I could learn to see her the way I see Kao but it didn't work. Now she knows, but strangely, she's ok with it. She even wants to help me if you can believe it. Why am I in love with my twin? I can't let this taint him. I can never let him know. He never tells me about his dreams so he must be ashamed of it. I can't make it worse for him.**

"Wait, he called me Kao. He's never called me that before. What does that mean?" With his heart in his throat, Kaoru opened another document, then another, and another and before he knew it he had read nearly all of his brother's randomly recorded thoughts. Closing the file he opened the one titled 'Designs' and began to read the latest entry.

**One of Hikaru's letters: **

**Dear Kao,**

**I know I tell you that I love you all the time, but I don't think you understand. It's not that I love you because you're my brother, though I do, it's because I'm IN love with you. You're always on my mind. Asleep, awake, in class, in the shower, everywhere all the time. I know you use to have more than brotherly feeling's for me, but I think they're gone now so I guess I missed my chance huh? You never smile anymore. I would do anything to see you happy. I know it's my fault so maybe I should just leave. If I'm gone then maybe you can be happy again. But you're still taking the sleeping pills. Is that because you can't sleep without me or are you so disgusted by your dreams that you don't want to risk having them? I know you tell me that you're not taking them, but I snuck into your room the other day and looked. More than half the bottle is gone. When did lying to each other become so easy for us?**

With his head spinning, he again closed the file and with tears streaming down his face, he tried to open the last mystery file but found that it was locked. He first entered his own name but to no avail. Next he tried all the same things he had tried in the past but found no success. '_It might not be my name but maybe it's something to do with me?_' After thinking for a moment he typed in his own favorite color. '_Orange?_' His eyes grew wide as the file opened and reviled its three documents. With an almost shaking hand, he hesitantly opened the first and dried his eyes so he could actually read the words on the screen.

**One of Hikaru's secret notes:**

**I should go, Maybe mother would let me go stay in one of your other homes. Would that be enough though? There would always be the risk that we would run into each other at some family function we can't get out of and I would want to tell you everything. Maybe I need to go away more… permanently? Would that solve the problem? I can't believe what I tried to do to you. I'm so glad Kyoya was there; believe it or not I'm kinda glad he nearly broke my wrist. How could I even consider for a fraction of a second trying doing something like that to anyone, least of all you? I don't think I can deal with this on my own and who could I possibly turn to for help? I've finally succeeded in completly driving away the only person I have ever and will ever love. I should just say goodbye, right? I'm sorry Kao. **

Slamming the lid closed without bothering to exit the document the young Hitachiin ran from the room frantically texting Imiki. '_Come to the Haninozuka estate and get me NOW!_' As if she was waiting for exactly this, Haruhi stood in the driveway talking calmly with Hani and Mori as she leaned against the long black car. A smiling and seemingly all-knowing gray haired driver opened the door before addressing his panting young master.

"I received your message, sir. Where would you like me to take you?" Imiki smiled full though to the ginger's eyes it seemed more like a smirk.

"Home." Ignoring the smug looks on his friends faces Kaoru quickly entered the limo and began tapping his foot impatiently. A tap on the window let him know the car had not yet moved, much to his dissatisfaction. Rolling down his window, he held back the urge to punch his brown eyed friend.

"So I take it you figured out the password then?" A snort of sorts was all the response she was going to get out of him and for now she would accept that. "Don't be mad at him. He's the one that told the truth while you lied, remember?" The golden eyed boy's expression softened a little as he nodded before raising his window and ordering the driver to go, and quickly.

It wasn't long before the car pulled up to the familiar doors of the Hitachiin home and as soon as he felt the forward motion stop the only passenger of said car was out and running towards the grand front doors. Throwing them open, knowing they wouldn't be locked during the day, he ran up the stairs towards his brother's room. As his hand reached for the ornate knob, he froze with sudden fear. '_That last entry was from that night. I thought he just wanted to jump somebody and I happen to be the only person around. I was so sure he just wanted… that, but now… they were right. He does feel the same as me and it just might be ok. If all our friends are supporting us then maybe it CAN work somehow. I still don't think it would be good for our parents or the company if it were known that the twin male Hitachiin heirs were in an incestuous relationship, but we've kept secrets from them all our lives. Hell, they're only even home about two months a year anyway. It might even be easy. We just keep our business behind our doors, right?_'

Thoughts and heart racing the suddenly excited twin griped and turned the knob stepping into the large bedroom without requesting permission. Looking up from his current intergalactic space battle Hikaru's jaw dropped at the sight of his panting and slightly sweaty sibling. He didn't know what to say or if he should say anything at all as the two locked eyes and just stared at one another with mixed emotions. '_He looks mad. He's holding my computer so I guess Haruhi gave it to him and judging by how pissed he seems to be he really didn't like what it said. Did he come to scream at me? To tell me to get out? Why isn't he talking?_'

Gathering his courage the elder boy stood without a word and went to the large walk in closet. Taking out an oversized designer piece of luggage, he opened it on the bed. As he returned to the closet to begin gathering his clothes, having decided it would be best if he just left for France or maybe Milan, he almost flinched as his brother's expression became more and more enraged. When the younger twin's voice finally broke the silence it was almost impossible for the other to not jump. "What the hell are you doing Hika?"

"Packing." He didn't want to start crying, not again, so keeping his words short was paramount in his grief stricken teen's mind.

"Why?" The anger in Kaoru began to build as the fear that his brother, which he now knew truly did love him, might leave him for real this time.

"Look, you obviously read what I wrote and didn't like it. I understand, I really do. I don't want to make things hard on you so I'll go. I can call mother once I've arrived… somewhere… and then you don't have to worry about seeing me ever again." Turning his back as the sting of tears began to build; Hikaru was unable to detect his brother's approach. When he turned back towards the bed with an armful of one of a kind designs he was caught completely off guard as a slender hand identical to his own slapped him hard across the face.

"Baka. I'm not mad at you for what you wrote, I'm mad that you even for a moment thought about leaving me and even more mad that you considered for a second committing suicide! How could you? I know we've had a really hard time lately, but even then the thought of you being gone and never coming back… how could you?!" Instinctively the twins clung to each other in comfort as both shed tears of frustration and confusion. "This whole situation is my fault, but I think I have it figured out now." Kaoru's words were muffled into his twin's shoulder but neither dare loosen their grip on the other.

"I'm sorry you found those thoughts. I never thought you would get into that file, but I should have known that my super smart brother could figure out such a simple password." Hikaru hugged his brother even closer and the two stood in silence for what felt like only moments but was in reality nearly an hour. They might have stayed that way for the rest of the night had their rather relieved twin maids not interrupted to tell them dinner was ready and waiting. The smiling pair walked to the dining room hand in hand and sat side by side for the first time in a very long time.

After eating and reassuring the staff that all was indeed well they dismissed everyone early and retired to what was once their shared bedroom. Even though the house was now deserted except for just the two of them the younger ginger still felt the need to lock their door with the thought of caution on his mind. '_Not that anything is going to happen._ _We just really need to talk and I don't want anyone to interrupt this time_.' Turning from the gold lock he smiled at the sight of his slightly older brother lying on his side on the plush queen sized bed with his head propped up on his hand donning an expression Kaoru could not remember having ever seen before.

It was not the look of concern or anger. It did not emanate mischief or sadness. He had seen Hikaru's smiles of genuine happiness and even they did not fit the scene before him now. Suddenly frustrated with his inability to once again read his doppelganger, an irritated Kaoru crossed his arms and assumed his own perplexing expression. It was a mix of love, confusion, and need that seemed only to intensify whatever it was that his brother was feeling as a pair of soft pale legs swung down from the bed and delicate feet landed on the dark wood floor.

Slowly the fierier twin made his way across the room towards his sibling stopping only when he had fully closed the distance between them. Reaching out he gently uncrossed the younger boy's arms and placed those delicate digits, so like his own, on his hips while he cupped the other boy's face. Two pairs of golden eyes locked onto each other through hooded lids and the space between their lips began to disappear. The kiss was soft and gentle. There was no sense of urgency and it was almost completely devoid of lust. In that one simple kiss each boy conveyed the depth of his love for the other. Hands encircled a slim but toned waist as others softly entwined in vibrant orange strands of hair.

When contact was broken by the pair almost simultaneously, it brought a smile to both. Each sibling silently pleased that they were beginning to become in sync with one another the way they used to be what seemed like a lifetime ago. The blissful pair interlocked their hands and leaned their foreheads together. Smiles grew wide as their breathing and heartbeats began to move in unison. Each desperate to never let the moment end while at the same time becoming almost frantic to make sure the other was feeling the same thing, After almost ten minutes of nothing but looking deeply into each other's souls the older twin spoke in a soft voice he had only ever used when talking to his little brother. "I love you Kao."

Hearing his pet name spoken for the first time brought a fresh blush to Kaoru's cheeks. "I love you too Hika." As two exaggerated ear-to-ear smiles formed another long kiss began, but this time there was a bit more to it. Plump lips massaged one another as a tongue timidly ran between them and instantly the kiss deepened as wet muscles wrestled. Hands began to roam over shoulders and waists with one pair finding its way down to grip a perfectly round and firm ass while others began to sneak their way under a luxuriously soft shirt and up to smooth tight abdominal muscles. Unconsciously the interlocked pair began to maneuver themselves away from the door and towards the abandoned bed.

Falling together onto the welcoming softness of the Egyptian sheets they continued to battle as a shirt was slowly lifted. They parted for the briefest of moments as the offensive garment was lifted over outstretched arms only for the unwanted separation to be repeated moments later until both lay topless and tangled together on the mattress. Hikaru began to leave his brother's irresistible mouth in favor of devouring the younger's neck. He knew from previous experience just where to kiss, just when to lick, and exactly how hard to bite to get the strongest reaction out of the other. He used everything he had learned in those closets and fire escapes at school until the gorgeous boy beneath him was nothing more than a whimpering glob of hormones and desperate need.

A pair of hands began to slowly trail down the older boy's chest past his abdomen and towards his fully aroused self only to move to the side and continue past the engorged organ in favor of gripping and rubbing the inside of his left leg. Impatient as always the currently 'topping' twin grabbed the others teasing hand and forced it onto his rod. "Please Kao? Please!" He held back the majority of his true thought, hoping that their seeming 'twin telepathy' was intact enough for his copy to catch on to his nun too subtle hint.

The younger teen began to work his lithe fingers unbuttoning his twin's designer pants as his lips found their way towards the unmistakable budge concealed by the dark blue fabric of Hikaru's boxers. Looking up at the pleasure-flushed expression on his brother's face Kaoru licked his lips in anticipation. If he continued with what he was now planning they would be going farther than they had ever gone in one of their secret stolen moments. '_Are we ready for this? I just thought we were going to talk. I know we're not ready to go all the way, but part of me… needs this._'

Sensing his twin's apprehension the elder teen reached down and caressed the younger's cheek softly. "Let's take things slow. Now that we're finally back together, there's no need to rush. We have all the time we could ever want or need." Reaching down, he tried to pull his love back up so he could again taste those lips that would be his un-doing but the look that overtook his normally soft spoken sibling's face relit the fire within him. Without exchanging another word the usually less bold of the two freed the others fully engorged member from its pricy restraints and delicately tasted the drop of fluid it had begun to weep with a flick of his tongue.

Looking up without moving from his target the determined teen's golden eyes sparkled with lust as he began to tease his brother by placing feather light kisses all along the shaft. Never breaking eye contact he continued until the other began to practically beg him to stop, and stop he did. He stopped teasing Hikaru's now almost painful erection in favor of devouring it. Slowly he engulfed as much of the length as he possibly could and griped the rest gently with his long fingers. As he began to pump the desirable organ with his needy mouth, he felt the dull ache of his hair being pulled as his twin's fist griped his amber locks.

It wasn't long before his name began to drip from the elder boy's lips sounding almost like a plea for help. With his free hand Kaoru began to manipulate the spheres laying neglected by his cheek, causing the most erotic moan he had ever heard to escape his deliciously tormented copy. As he continued his languid pace he began to detect the tell tail signs of Hikaru's impending release. The grip on his hair became slightly painful as his brother's other hand clung to the sheets while half words and something that might have been an attempted warning made its way towards his ears. He knew his twin was trying to stop him before he was filled with the elder's sticky seed, but Kaoru had absolutely no intention of missing out on such a rare treat.

As Hikaru struggled to not thrust into his brother's talented mouth he managed to somehow pry open a single golden eye, but the sight of himself buried deep within his sibling was his undoing and with an almost animalistic scream he released. His seductive tormenter continued to bob on his rapidly depleting member until he had surrendered every last drop effectively dragging out his orgasm to something that under other circumstances could have been considered torture. He looked down after regaining control of his faculties to see his copy wiping his mouth and licking his lips. "You are the sexiest creature on the planet."

A rush of blood filled Kaoru's cheeks at his brother's uncharacteristic compliment. He turned his head to hide his blush only to have a set of warm hands turn him back so that plump lips could claim his. The two continued to caress each other with well-practiced skill for what felt like an eternity before the elder decided fair was fair and it was time to make sure his little brother was properly taken care of.

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**A/N: Please R&R. Constructive criticism welcome and encouraged! **


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